


Beautiful Nightmare

by i_hear_the_birds



Series: Reverie [2]
Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Description, Non-Canonical Character Death, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-01-22 14:40:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 74,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12483952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_hear_the_birds/pseuds/i_hear_the_birds
Summary: Your name is Clara. You've lived on Broke Jaw Ranch for a few months, and you've fallen hard for a troublesome boy named Troy Otto. Everything changed when the Clark's arrived, and now Troy's been banished from his home.Sequel to Dark Paradise





	1. Need You

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone, I'm trying a new kind of writing with this story, also my first time writing for FTWD, let me know what you think! This will be a multi-chapter fic, and I think we all need a little Troy Otto fix after that finale...  
> Enjoy! xo  
> and please leave me a comment!

You knew they were right to banish Troy, he wasn’t _right_ , but you still protested the command.

“Madison, please! This is _his_ home.”

“No, Clara, I’m sorry. He has to go. He’s a danger to the peace on the ranch.” Madison said.

You opened your mouth to argue some more, your hands half raised to punctuate your urgency, but were interrupted by a voice behind you. “It’s done, girl.”

You turned and saw Walker coming over to you and Madison. You dropped your hands to your sides. Madison assured you that Walker and his people just wanted to live on the land peacefully, but he still intimidated you. He had almost scalped Jake, and Troy said he killed the Trimbol’s.

“That boy will never allow peace between our people, and I’m sure he’d already have killed many of mine had Madison not been able to control him before. Now he’s out of control, and his exile will be nothing but a benefit for this ranch.” Walker said sternly, glaring down at you.

Your hands curled into fists, but you didn’t say anything. Instead, you turned away and stormed off to your tent. You had been there a few months before the Clark’s, and had gotten to know the Otto brothers fairly well, being Troy’s age. And he had taken a special eye for you. The whole situation of the Clark’s coming on to the ranch not that long ago and suddenly being in charge was bizarre to you, but that’s how it was.

You didn’t particularly like Madison after you learned she shoved a spoon in Troy’s eye, and you knew she was mainly looking out for her own family even though it appeared to most that she wanted what was best for the ranch. You believed in the Otto’s being in charge, but that was starting to turn around fast.

You believed in Troy. When you and Troy first started growing closer, Jake had told you to be careful, and at first you wondered why, but then you realized why it was important to be careful with Troy.

Other than the serious mental illness he suffered from and his violent tendencies, Troy was possessive, he got jealous, and he demanded to be in control. Honestly, he scared you sometimes, but you knew he’d never really hurt you. When you two were alone, Troy had shown you his soft side, and that’s why you fell for him, no matter how problematic it had been. 

When Jeremiah died, Troy came down to your tent, seeking comfort in your arms. As he had said nonchalantly so many times before, “Big Otto’s immortal”, and he never believed that his father would die any time soon, especially by his own hand. Not to give Walker what he wanted. 

Now, Troy was up at the house, waiting for his banishment, and no one on the ranch was to see him. Only his brother. You buried your face in your hands as you thought about never saying goodbye to him. You let out a frustrated groan and pushed your long dark hair out of your face.

You didn’t come out of your tent, not even for lunch. Alicia came by to see if you wanted to sit together, but you merely told her to go see how her boyfriend was doing. Alicia looked at you carefully.

“Clara, I’m sorry about Troy. But he was rui-”

“Just leave me alone, Alicia.” You said sharply, staring daggers at her.

She shook her head and left. 

You didn’t really leave your tent the next day either, but you had your own food and water in your tent, so it wasn’t like you were being foolish. You simply didn’t want to speak to anyone on the ranch. You didn’t see the point.

At dusk, someone else came to your tent. It was Jake.

“Hey, Clara.” He said. His kind eyes were solemn.

“Hey.” You stood and wrapped him in a hug. “How are you doing?” You asked as you let him go.

He shrugged. “Troy is my brother, and I’ve been protecting him for almost his whole life, but this time I just couldn’t do anything.”

“I’m sorry. This must be so hard.”

“Actually, it’s not that hard. Troy would never have let any of this happen. And for the good of everyone here on the ranch, it needs to happen. We need peace.”

You furrowed your brow. “Are you saying that it’s a good thing that your brother was banished from his home?”

“Of course, I’m not saying that.”

“Seems like you are.” You crossed your arms over your chest. “Is that something Alicia whispered into your ear?”

Jake looked at you incredulously. “Excuse me?”

“Doesn’t it bother you that the Clark’s are in such a position of authority here? This is _your_ land, and it seems like you’re not even in command anymore.”

“You’re overstepping, Clara.” Jake said firmly.

You shook your head. “Whatever. This place is driving me crazy. I can’t be here anymore.”

“So, what, you’re just going to leave the ranch?” 

“Honestly, the only thing that’s been keeping me here for the last while has been Troy. And now that he’s gone,” you just threw your hands up in the air because you were too frustrated to speak any further.

“It’s not safe out there.”

You stepped closer to him, “I don’t feel safe in _here_ either.”

“Walker wants peace.”

“He scares me. He killed Gretchen, and she was my friend. He killed her entire family.”

“He says that he didn’t do that.”

“He almost cut the skin off your skull, Jake.” You said, nodding your head at the long scab running along his forehead, just below his hairline. 

Jake sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “You really want to leave? I know you can take care of yourself out there, but still, it’s better on the ranch.”

You looked at him hard before you responded. “He’s alone out there. Do you really think that’s a good idea? For Troy to be alone with his thoughts?””

Jake’s eyes searched yours. “Probably not. But how do you think you’re going to find him?”

You didn’t really know that yet, so you just huffed out a sigh and sat down on your cot. “I don’t know. I don’t know, but I can’t stand thinking about him being alone out there. I never even got to say good bye.” Your voice cracked, and tears spilled forth on your cheeks. You wiped at your eyes in frustration.

Jake knelt in front of you. “Troy didn’t want you to be upset about it.”

“Well, screw him, I’m allowed to have goddamn feelings.” You said as you brushed your hair out of your face.

Jake chuckled. “He’s worried about you, believe it or not.”

It didn’t surprise you, but other people didn’t know the depth of Troy’s feelings for you.

You gave your eyes one last swipe and sniffled. “I need… to go to him.” You said urgently, your heart pouring out in your voice.

Jake sighed. He looked behind him at the tent entrance, and then turned back to you. “You have to promise me one thing.” He spoke in a hushed voice.

“What do you mean?” you asked, suddenly confused.

“Just promise me, Clara.”

You nod silently.

“You can’t leave until morning. And you have to show me what you pack.”

“Leave, where?”

“Shh.” He looked back over his shoulder, then back to you. “Madison drove him to the north. Troy doesn’t know the terrain. He’s probably going to try to go somewhere he knows, and my guess is the outpost in the west. That’s really the only other place he would know out there.”

He pulled out a folded map from his back pocket and opened it. He pulled out a black pen and marked an X on it. “This is where we are, on the ranch.” Then he circled a spot. “This is the outpost.” He drew a bit of a windy line from the X to the circle. “I’d suggest you follow this path. It’s high ground so there shouldn’t be too many Infected, and it’s not too hard to follow.”

“Jake, are you serious?” Your tone wasn’t disbelieving, it was grateful.

“I don’t want him to be alone out there. And I think you’re the only person that can really be there for him. The way he needs someone to be.”

You dropped to the floor next to him and threw your arms around his neck. “Thank you. Thank you, Jake.”

“Around two hours after dawn, I want you to come over to my house. Show me what you have in your pack, and then I’ll show you the best way to get you started.”

You let him go and placed your hand on your friend’s cheek. “Thank you. This means so much to me.”

“You’re welcome, Clara. I just need you to be careful.”

“I will be.”

You both stood, and you gave him one last hug before he handed you the map.

You almost couldn’t sleep that night, but you knew you needed to rest up for your journey. 

*

You woke in the morning and the sun was still low in the sky. You grabbed your black backpack and began filling it with essentials. You put in all the food you had in your tent. A couple cans, a few tomatoes, peas, a couple of small buns, and the two bottles of water you had filled before going to bed last night. The black flashlight you’ve had since day one, a book of matches, a few articles of clothing, and a small bottle of vodka – this you had mainly kept around for using to clean wounds. Mainly. You also put in the small first aid kit you owned and a thin but warm blanket.

You wished you had your gun, but that had been taken the other night during the gun search. 

You dressed in your jeans, a black tank top and the army green jacket that you stole from Troy. You slung the backpack on and put on your black ball cap. You picked up your knife and strapped it into your belt. You looked around at your tent in case you forgot anything else. It didn’t appear that you did. You stuffed the folded map in your back pocket and left your tent. You headed over to Jake’s house.

He was sitting outside and stood when he saw you approaching.

“Did you have a good sleep?” he asked.

You shrugged. “I think so.”

He nodded to your backpack, and you took it off and handed it to him. He set it on the ground and crouched over it, peering in at the things you packed. “Looks good.” Then he slipped something inside. It was a small handgun. “The mag’s full.”

“How did you get that?” you asked in a hushed voice.

“This is my ranch.” He said to you with a smirk. You grinned back. “Do you have the map?”

“Yeah.” You took it out of your pocket and opened it up.

“Okay. The best way out is probably here behind my house. Just hop the fence. Follow the trail. Oh, here.” He handed you a compass.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He looked up at you. “You’re sure you want to do this?”

You nodded firmly. “I’m sure.”

You hugged him and then set off, hopping the fence and using the compass to guide you in the right direction before you walked away from the ranch, not looking back once.

*

It had taken you time, and you had to spend the night in a tree, but you finally managed to make it to the outpost. You approached it slowly, knife in hand, just in case. You prayed with every step that Troy was there. There was nothing suspicious around the perimeter, and the barn was clear as well. There was a grave that looked freshly dug, and this brought your hopes up.  
You walked into the house slowly, entering the kitchen. It was tidy, and you walked forward to check out the rest of the house.

Suddenly, your ears became more attentive and you heard the _click_ of a safety. You raised your hands in the air and slowly turned around.

“Clara?”

He hadn’t put the gun down, yet you were still so relieved to see him. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” His eyes looked angry.

“I came for you. To be with you, Troy. I couldn’t live on that ranch without you.”

His eyes roamed over you, over his jacket covering your torso. He still hadn’t lowered the gun. You tossed your knife onto the counter beside you.

You took a step closer to him. “I missed you.” You said softly. You took another step. “I need you, Troy.”

His eyes pierced yours for a moment, before he finally lowered the gun. He threw it to the ground actually, and surged forward. He took you up in his arms and lifted you off the ground. You revelled in feeling his body against yours. He put you down and you stared up into his blue eyes. His hands grabbed the sides of your face and he pressed his lips to yours fiercely. His scruff tickled your skin, but it was easy to ignore with the intensity of the kiss. You let him control the kiss, curling your hands in his shirt as his tongue ravaged yours.

“I missed you too, baby.” He said, breathing heavily once he pulled away. “Can’t believe you came all this way for me.” He delicately combed your hair with his long fingers.

“Of course, I did.”

He gave you that boyish grin of his, making you melt.

“How did you get here?”

“Jake figured you’d come here. He showed me how to get here.” You took out the map and showed it to him. Troy nodded.

“How is he?”

“He’s okay.” You shrugged. “He’s happy that you won’t be alone, now that I’m with you.”

“I’m happy too.” He said, leaning down to give you another kiss.

Troy showed you around the outpost, and told you everything that he had done since arriving there yesterday. You admired the way his eyes shone as he told you about his journey.

He caught you staring. “What?”

You smiled and shook your head. “Nothing.”

His face intensified and you knew he wanted an answer. “I’m just happy to be here with you. I think this is a good place for us.”

He put his arm around your shoulders and brought you tight to his body as you continued to walk around the property.

You noticed how dirty the cloth around his hand was. You knew he’d been injured the night he put up a fight at the house, but it looked like more blood had been soaked into it.  
“How’s your hand?” you asked, looking up at him.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t hurt.”

You were sure that was true, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t a bad wound. “Can I take a look?”

He said nothing, but removed his arm from around you and stopped walking. He presented his left hand to you, palm up.

You delicately untied the dirty cloth and unwound it from his hand. It peeled away from his skin slowly, and you gasped when you saw it. It looked bad. You turned his hand over and saw a slit in the back as well, as if something went _through_ his hand.

“Troy, what did you do?” you asked, not being able to stop the patronizing tone you spoke with.

He pulled his hand out from yours, his lips closing over his teeth to a grimace the way they did when he was irritated. “I defended myself.” He said simply.

“Against who? Madison?”

“No, the Indian who came along and kept threatening to put me down.” He said in a biting tone.

You searched his eyes. Finally, you let out a sigh. “Will you let me clean it? I brought my first aid kit.”

His eyes were slightly narrowed, but he nodded and walked with you back to the little house. You got him to sit at the kitchen table and went into the bedroom to get your kit. You poured some of the vodka onto a clean cloth and walked back into the kitchen.

You sat next to him and he slowly lifted his hand onto the table. You cleaned it gently, watching his face, and it didn’t appear to sting him even though it really should have. Then you grabbed two sterile gauze pads and some medical tape. You covered the back of his hand first, and then his palm. After, you wrapped a bandage around it.  
“There.” 

He looked at it and flexed his fingers. He sucked his teeth. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome.” You said carefully. 

The rest of the day was uneventful, you helped clean up parts of the house that Troy hadn’t gotten to yet. 

As the sun began to set, he cooked you a small dinner over the fire, saying he preferred that to the stove inside. The place still had electricity and running water (though probably limited), so that made you even happier with your decision to come.

When you were done, you showed him the bottle of vodka you brought. “You know I don’t drink.” He said. 

You sighed. “Worth a shot.” You took a swig, coughing slightly at the feeling of it burning your throat. After a few more sips, your head was buzzing. You leaned into Troy’s side, relishing his warmth.

You placed your hand on his stomach. His eyes were focused on the fire in front of you. “You okay, baby?”

He glanced down at you and his lips curled in a lazy smile. “I’m good. I’m really glad you’re not on the ranch anymore.” He draped his arm around you, and you could hear the ticking of the watch he always wore.

You slipped your hand under his shirt and pressed it against his skin. “Happy I’m not on the ranch, or happy I’m with _you_?” 

“Both.” He insisted.

“Why? That I’m not on the ranch, I mean.” You lightly traced his subtle abs with your fingers.

Troy didn’t say anything.

You glanced up at his face. His stare on the flames was intense. You could see them reflected in his eyes. You pulled your hand out from under his shirt and sat up straighter. Your movements were sluggish due to your tipsy state.

You placed your hand on his cheek and his eyes flicked over to yours. “Talk to me, Troy.”

“You’re _drunk_.” He said pointedly.

You shook your head in denial, and he chuckled.

“I think you need to go to bed.” 

You pouted. Troy picked up the stick he’d been using to stoke the fire and spread apart the logs to help the fire die down.

He pulled you up with him as he stood and steadied you as you tried to gain your balance. “Still think you’re not drunk?” 

You placed your hands on his chest and shoved lightly, not moving him an inch.

“Come on,” he said, running his hands down your back. “Let me carry you.” His tone was so gentle.

You wrapped your arms around his neck happily, and his hands wrapped around the back of your thighs. He lifted you and you sagged into him, wrapping your legs around his waist. You hummed contently and nuzzled his ear. 

“Troy!” You said, pulling back to look at him. “When’s the last time you washed your _hair_?”

He laughed. “I don’t know. Back when I was on the ranch. When’s the last time you washed _your_ hair?”

“Back when I was on the ranch.” You repeated. “Let me wash your hair.”

He shook his head with a disbelieving smile. “You’re so drunk.” He whispered, continuing to walk into the house. He latched the door behind you and carried you into the bedroom. He flipped the light switch, and the lamp in the corner turned on.

“I am not.” You said firmly. “Why can’t I want to wash your hair?”

“Maybe because I’m not a toddler?” he said. He put you down on the bed, and suddenly you felt like a toddler, with the condescending look in his eye.

You grabbed the back of his neck and pulled his face down to yours. You kissed him, nipping at his bottom lip gently. Troy settled his knees on the bed between your thighs, but you pulled away before he could take over the kiss.

You placed the flat of your palm on his chest and pushed firmly, getting him to sit back and off of you. You sat up as well, and shrugged his jacket off your torso, letting it drop to the floor next to you. Next, you pulled off your black tank top, revealing the modest black bra underneath it.

You watched in satisfaction as his pupils dilated, but hid your smirk. You reached forward and hooked your finger in one of the belt loops on his pants, tugging it once.

He whipped his shirt over his head, peeled off the white undershirt he wore beneath it, and tossed it over his shoulder. His hands shot out to the button of your jeans, which he undid deftly. He dragged the denim over your hips, stopped with a growl as your boots got in the way, took them off surprisingly gently, and threw it all on the floor with the rest of your clothes.

You got as far as unbuttoning his pants before he was over you again, dragging his hand down your thigh to your knee, which he hooked around his waist. He kissed you with force, but he took his time. You felt like his lips were bruising yours, and you loved it.

Troy moved his kisses down your throat, and you moaned his name. 

“Mm, I love hearing you say my name like that.” He said, his voice low and lustful.

He bit the skin around your pulse point gently, and you did it again. He rocked his hips into yours, and you gasped as you felt his hard length press against your core through his cargo pants. He kissed your lips again, parting them with his tongue and pressing it to yours.

You curled your hands in his hair, the erotic feeling making your already dizzy head even dizzier. You slipped your fingers under the waistband of his pants, teasing his skin before you dragged your hands up his back.

His mouth released yours. You were both panting heavily, eyes dark with lust as you stared at each other. You rolled your hips up against Troy’s groin, and the little groan he made in the back of his throat sent your core throbbing. You moved your hands between your bodies and unzipped his fly, and you watched greedily when his face twisted with pleasure as you wrapped your hand around his length.

He thrusted in your hand a few times, but the position was awkward. “Take off your goddamn _pants_.” You said, pulling your hand out of his boxers.

Before doing so, he sat on the edge of the bed, picked up your bag and pulled the first aid kit out. “Are they still in here?” he asked, glancing over at your outstretched body, and then up to your eyes. 

You bit your lip and nodded, lightly tracing the skin on your stomach with your fingertips.

Troy opened the small bag and rummaged inside before pulling out a circular foil package. He tossed the first aid kit to the ground, kicked off his boots and pulled off his pants and boxers. You sat up and snatched the condom from his hand. You broke it open with your teeth, and rolled it over his erection. His hand snaked around your back, unclasping your bra, and pulling it from your arms. 

He pushed you down onto your back again. He took one of your exposed breasts in his hand and closed his lips around the tip. You moaned at the wet heat of his tongue tracing your nipple. His free hand curled in the side of your panties and he dragged them down to your knees, which you bent so he could take them off completely. 

He dragged his fingers up your slit and circled your clit gently. You gasped, and he ran his fingers back to your entrance, where he slid one finger inside you.

“You’re so wet, Clara.” He murmured against your clavicle.

He added another slender finger and pumped them inside you at a torturously slow pace.

You curled your hand in his hair, the other fisted the sheet.

“Did you hear me?” he said, his voice deep and insistent.

“Yes,” you gasped out. “Yes, Troy, you make me so wet.”

“Good.” He said, satisfied with his teasing. He removed his fingers from inside of you and brought them up to his mouth, sucking your arousal from them.

You let out a little whine as you watched him, and he released his fingers with a soft pop. He looked at you, seemingly pleased with the effect he knew he had on you.

You put your hand on his hip and tugged. “Troy,” you said urgently.

“Hm? What do you want, baby?” he asked, as if he didn’t already know.

“I want you.” You wet your bottom lip with your tongue.

“Want me to what?” he said, looking down at you intently. His voice was so low it raised goosebumps on your skin.

You leaned up to kiss him, but he turned his face away. You took his misshapen earlobe between your lips softly instead, tracing it with your tongue. Then you whispered in his ear, “I want you to fuck me.”

He pushed into you then, and you gasped at the intrusion. He set a steady, quick pace, and with one hand you held onto his ribs, the other curled around the back of his neck. 

“Oh, you feel so good around me,” he grunted.

“You feel,” you gasped, “so good inside me.”

He kissed your neck, and kept thrusting. 

“Mm, I love being inside you. You’re so warm. So tight.”

You fisted his curls in your hand. “I love it, too.”

After a few moments, he pressed his fingers against your clit.

You pressed your head back into the pillow with a moan. You brought a hand up to bite so you would be quiet, just like you used to do back on the ranch.

“Oh no, baby,” he said, pulling your hand down from your mouth. He kissed your lips. “I want to hear every sound that comes out of that hot little mouth.”

Just to please him, you let out another moan. He began to rub circles over your clit, and you didn’t hold back.

It only took a couple minutes before his expert fingers drew out your orgasm.

Not long after the fluttering of your walls stopped, Troy’s rhythm changed, and he pressed himself as deep as he could inside you, filling the condom.

He groaned into your neck and rested on top of you for a few seconds before he lifted himself up and pulled out of you. He stared down at you, his heavy breaths matching the rate of yours. 

He brushed some hair off your forehead and traced his finger down your nose lightly. Then he leaned down and placed a melting kiss on your lips. You felt your heart clench in your chest.

He rolled over and pulled the condom off, tying the end and tossing it in the small waste basket under the nightstand. He flicked off the light.

He pulled the blanket over your naked body and pulled you to him, so his chest was pressed against your back.

You smiled and entwined your fingers with his. He pressed gentle kisses on the nape of your neck.

“I love you, Troy.” You murmured tenderly. This was the first time you’d ever told him.

But you knew he wouldn’t say it back; you weren’t even sure if he could. You just wanted him to know how you felt.

After a moment, he spoke in a small voice. “Clara?”

“Yeah?”

“You can wash my hair tomorrow.” 

You tried to suppress your grin, even though he couldn't see it anyway. “Okay.”


	2. Hurt Me, Hold Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has been reading so far! I hope you're enjoying it! Here's chapter 2, and here comes some drama!! Enjoy! xo

When you woke up in the morning, Troy was still in bed beside you. At the beginning of your relationship, you would wake up alone. You tried not to take it personally, telling yourself he had to get to work. 

You had to convince yourself that it was more than a one-night thing after the first time you slept together, but when he saw you later that day, he pulled you off to the side and gave you a searing kiss. He told you how amazing your night together had been, whispering what he wanted to do to you that night. When he told you how he felt about finally being with you, you knew the feelings were mutual.

Still, even when you knew Troy was devoted to you, he was gone more often than not, and it felt so much better to have his solid warmth beside you.

You stretched, and a squeak escaped your lips. Troy’s arm was slung over your back, and you were lying on your stomach. You turned your head and looked at his face. He looked so much younger when he was asleep, his features were softer, more innocent. You never got to admire his beauty like this.

Your eyes traveled over his chiseled jaw, his high cheekbones, his dark lashes. He hadn’t shaved for a while, and that made him look older too. You liked him fresh faced, but you wouldn’t complain either way. 

You didn’t want to move and wake him up, but you had to pee, and you wanted to freshen up after last night. You were unfamiliar with being awake before him.

His eyes opened suddenly, and your lips parted in surprise. His pupils adjusted to the light, and you were captured in his blue gaze. He didn’t speak, and neither did you. You just stared at each other.

Finally, Troy said, “Do you still want to wash my hair?” His voice was deep from sleep, and you smiled. You nodded eagerly.

He pushed back the covers and got out of bed, unbothered by his state of undress as he walked into the bathroom. You were a little more self conscious, and scooped your tank top off the floor after locating it near the bottom of the pile beside the bed. You pulled it on, and rummaged through your bag for a fresh pair of underwear. You ran your fingers through your tangle of hair before you followed him.

He was already sitting in the bathtub. He had filled a bucket with water, and there was a bottle of soap on the ledge of the tub.

“I couldn’t find any shampoo.” He stated.

“That’s okay, this’ll work just fine.” You said. You grabbed an empty cup off the vanity and knelt by the tub. You dipped the cup in the bucket and poured it over his head slowly, trying to waste the least amount of water but get his hair effectively wet. As you reached for the soap, Troy’s hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. 

You looked at him nervously, thinking he was going to change his mind, but he merely brought your hand up to his lips to place a kiss on your palm. He let go of your hand, and you pumped some soap into it. You massaged it into his hair, and you smiled softly as his eyes shut contently. When you were finished, you dipped the cup back into the bucket.

“Keep your eyes closed. I’m going to rinse your hair out now.”

“Okay.” He murmured.

It took you kind of long to rinse all the soap out, but a few minutes later you were done. You wet a wash cloth and gently cleaned his face and neck, wiping away the smudges of dirt on his skin. You ran your fingers through his hair to push it off his forehead.

You rested your elbow on the ledge of the tub and placed your cheek in your hand. “All done.” You said affectionately.

He opened his eyes. You weren’t sure if he had ever regarded you so fondly.

“Thank you.” He said softly.

“You’re welcome,” you smiled. “Want me to make breakfast?”

He shrugged. “If you want to.”

“You made dinner, so I don’t mind.”

“Okay.”

You couldn’t resist, so you gently cupped his cheek to bring his face to yours. You kissed him gently, and he pressed forward for another peck after you pulled away. You grinned before you stood and left the bathroom.

You found a frying pan in one of the cupboards and put it on the stove so you could “toast” some of the buns you had brought. You managed to find a jar of jam, and it still looked good, so you used some once the bread had turned slightly gold.

Troy came into the kitchen, dressed in the clothes he wore yesterday. You glanced back down at the toast. “Those are the only clothes you have?”

He didn’t answer right away, as if he was distracted. “Yeah.”

You brought the plates to the table and set one in front of him. “Maybe we can find something else for you around here. I didn’t think to bring any of your stuff. Not sure if I could have anyway.” The Clark’s had already moved into the house on the hill.

“Doesn’t matter.” He said indifferently. He picked up his food and took a bite.

You didn’t say anything, and breakfast was eaten in silence. You took his plate away for him and then went back into the bedroom to get into the washroom.

It felt good to finally relieve your bladder, and then you used a wet washcloth to clean yourself up from last night. You swirled some water around your mouth and then exited the bathroom to get dressed. 

You pulled on your black leggings, threw your bra on as well as a red flannel. When you went back out to the kitchen, Troy was nowhere in sight. 

He wasn’t in the house, so you walked outside. He wasn’t in the immediate area either, so you walked further. Then you noticed him standing at the edge of the cliff a couple hundred yards away from the house.

Slightly concerned, you made your way over to him. You had to maneuver over the rocks carefully, remembering one time when you were camping that you sprained your ankle while scaling some rocks like these ones.

Finally, you made it to the ledge where Troy stood. 

“What are you looking at?” you asked. You were still a couple of yards behind him. You noticed he had something strapped around his torso, but couldn’t tell what it was. 

“You wanted to know why I’m glad you’re not on the ranch anymore? Well,” Troy spread his arms out and you saw that he was holding a grenade launcher in his hand, “this is why.”

You said nothing, didn’t move. You didn’t understand what he was talking about, why he had such a powerful weapon.

He turned around at your silence. He lurched forward and grabbed your arm, pulling you closer to the edge despite your attempt to resist.

“Troy-” you said in protest, but he wrapped his arm across your chest and held firmly onto your shoulder. Your back was pressed tight against his chest. You were both breathing heavily. 

He pointed off to the distance with the launcher. “This is why.” He whispered, his lips pressed against your ear.

You gasped when you saw it. There must have been over 300 Infected down in the valley. You could hear their starving groans, just barely. “Oh my god.” You murmured.

“Isn’t it something?” he said, and the wonder in his voice drew chills up your spine.

“Troy, what did you do?” you asked slowly.

“I led them. I’ve been gathering them along. It’s growing, but it needs to be bigger.”

“What for?” you asked.

“A cleansing.” He stated.

You felt your heart drop as you realized what his intentions were. You pulled his arm off you and turned around. You stared up at his face, which was disturbingly content.

“You can’t do this, Troy.” He continued staring proudly down at the hoard. You grabbed his face with both hands. “Baby!” you practically shouted.

His eyes focused on yours, his face becoming more serious. 

“You can’t do this. There are so many innocent people on the ranch. There are _children_ ,” you said desperately.

He shook his head. “This is going to happen.”

You wanted to panic, but you knew that wouldn’t do any good. You let go of his face. “What about Jake?”

“He will see it unfold. I’m going to show him what I did for us.”

“Troy, I can’t let you do this. It’s mur-”

His hand closed around your throat. Not tight enough to hurt, but firm enough to cut you off. Your eyes widened at his action. He had never touched you like this before.

He shook his head, “Don't,” his voice was deadly, “say that word.” 

After a moment, you recovered from your shock and you pushed him away from you. He reached out for your hand, but you pulled it back violently when his fingers brushed against yours.

“Don’t touch me.” You said, your voice dangerously low. You could still feel his fingers against your throat. You stepped away from him.

“Clara,” he stepped closer to you, hand out, palm up, but you kept retreating.

“I said don’t _touch_ me!” you stepped back again, not realizing how close you were to the edge. You felt nothing beneath your heel. You tried to move forward but your momentum was carrying you backward.

You watched Troy’s face change as you teetered over the cliff. Panic. Something you had never seen across his handsome features before.

He ran forward, and you felt like time was passing in slow motion. Your hand stretched out, his reached toward it. 

Your eyes closed, and you let out a shuddering gasp that echoed in your ears.

You felt something grip tightly onto your forearm, and time sped up to normal. The right side of your body crashed into the side of the cliff, wrenching all the air from your lungs.

As you struggled to fill your lungs, you looked up. Troy lay flat on his stomach, arm extended over the cliff as he held onto you. His breaths came out in gasps as he kept you from falling.

You still couldn’t quite catch your breath, but when Troy's grip on your forearm slipped to your wrist you inhaled sharply.

Troy let out a yell as he struggled to hold onto you, to pull you up. His other hand stabilized him on the edge and you saw his fingers turning white from the pressure.

“Troy,” you murmured. Involuntary tears streamed down your cheeks. 

“I’ve got you.” He gasped out. But his face was turning red.

You glanced down at the rocks below you.

“Baby, hey, look at me.” You dragged your eyes back up to his. “Can you get a foothold? Bring your other hand up, come on.”

You did as he said, trying to grip onto the wall and find purchase with your feet. There weren’t any handholds, and you were dangling too far down to reach the top. Your boots kept sliding down the rock.

You looked back up at him and shook your head. “I-I can’t.” You felt your skin sliding under his tight grasp. “I’m slipping.” Your calm tone surprised yourself.

“Come on, baby. I need you to try again.” He said urgently.

You did nothing, just stared up into his blue eyes. _This was it_ , you thought. Even if you survived the fall, your body would be so broken that the dead would get to you before you could move an inch.

You could tell by his eyes that he seemed to read your thoughts. “Clara,” he said desperately. “ _Please_.”

You still did nothing. “I-I need you. I can’t lose you.” The sincerity in his voice made your heart swell.

“I love you.” You said solemnly.

He shook his head. “No, no, no. I need to keep hearing you say that to me. Everyday. Do you hear me?”

You closed your eyes, more tears trailing down your cheeks, but you nodded. You let out a deep breath and opened your eyes. You raised your left hand and trailed it over the rock, looking for anything to hold onto. Finally, you felt something, but it was small, and your arm was stretched out pretty far. 

You gripped it tightly. “That’s it,” Troy encouraged breathlessly.

Next you tried to get a foothold. You still couldn’t find anything. There was only a slight ridge, and you could put one foot on it so that the sole was flat against the side of the wall.

“Okay, now what you’re going to have to do is push up with your arm and leg at the same time. I’ll pull you, and you need to get your other hand up here on the edge. Do you think you can do that?”

You nodded slowly. You weren’t sure if you could, honestly. But you knew you had to try.

“Okay. On the count of 3. 1…2…3!”

You pulled hard with your arm, pushed up hard with your leg and Troy pulled your other arm. You stretched your arm up, trying to reach the edge of the cliff. Your muscles were screaming.

You felt the edge underneath your palm, and you gasped and held on it tight. You pulled yourself up and Troy yanked you up all the way. 

You scrambled up pretty ungracefully but let out a sob as you felt solid rock beneath your entire body. Troy pulled you on top of him and hugged you tight to his body.

You cried into his chest, your whole body shaking. His was too. He pushed his fingers in your hair and laughed a couple of times before he stopped and was just quiet, stroking your hair.

“You’re okay,” he panted. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

You kept sobbing, didn’t move from lying on top of him. He rubbed your back and waited for you to calm down. 

Once you stopped crying and your body stopped shaking you lifted your head off his chest. You wiped at your eyes.

He raised his eyebrows. “Are you okay?” he asked gently.

You nodded silently. Despite the trauma from what just happened, you hadn’t forgotten about what happened before.

You got off him and tried walking back to the house, but your legs were shaking so bad and you realized how much your body ached from slamming into the rock. You stumbled and fell to your knees after taking five steps.

Troy was by your side before you could catch your breath. He caressed your cheek, but you pulled your face away. He frowned but dropped his hand to the ground.

You held your aching ribs with one hand. Your arm hurt too, where he had held onto you.

“Are you still going to do it?” you asked after a moment of silence.

He scratched his cheek. “I never did get the chance to tell you something.”

You looked at him carefully. “What’s that?”

“My father didn’t kill himself.”

Your brow furrowed. “But… what do you mean?” 

“Nick killed him.”

“What?” you gasped.

Troy sucked his teeth and nodded.

“Oh my god, Troy.” Now you understood better why he wanted to obliterate the ranch. It still wasn’t okay, but his intentions made sense. 

He shrugged. “My father didn’t want this for his ranch. I have to do something.”

You placed your hand on his arm. “Can we do something else?”

He looked you in the eyes. “We?”

You nodded. “You think I’m going to abandon my handsome saviour?” you said softly with a sly grin.

He smirked.

“You could have let me fall off that cliff and continued with your plan. But you didn’t.”

“I told you. I can’t lose you.” He said simply.

“Then let me help you find a different way.”

He searched your eyes before nodding.

You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck. “I love you.” You kissed his ear. “I love you.” You pulled back and kissed his lips. “I love you.”

His hands framed your face and he kissed you again.

You grimaced in pain at your ribs when you stood up. “Troy?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I broke some ribs.”

“I'd be surprised if you didn’t. Looks like it’s bed rest for you.”

He carried you the same way he had last night, as that hurt the least.

He lay you gently on the mattress and when he pulled away, you didn’t let him go.

“Don’t leave me.” You pleaded.

“Never.” Troy said. He kissed your hand. “Let me just clean you up, hey?”

You nodded, and he went to the washroom to get a clean wet cloth and gently cleaned the scrapes on your hands, your face. He lifted up your shirt, eyes on yours the whole time, and then examined your torso. He wiped at the raw skin there as gently as he could, and you bit your lip to stop yourself from gasping in pain.

He gently pulled your shirt back down and then went back to the washroom to wash the cloth. He came back and lay beside you on the bed, and you noticed the grenade sling was no longer around his torso. He slid his hand in yours.

“Were you ready to die?” Troy asked after a moment. You turned your head to look at him. He glanced at you. “It looked like you had accepted it. I saw it in your eyes.”

You thought about it silently in your head. “Yeah. I think I was.” You murmured. “This world we live in… I expect my end will be sooner rather than later. Obviously, I don’t want to die, but that’s just how it is.” You finished.

You made eye contact with him again, and you merely shrugged. 

“I’m sorry.” He finally said.

You let out a deep sigh. You wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but it kind of was. “Let’s just… forget about it, okay?”

“Okay.” He stroked the back of your hand with his thumb.

After a while, you felt yourself drift off to sleep. It wasn’t long after that you jolted awake with a gasp, dreaming of your falling to the bottom of the canyon, where the dead tore at your flesh with their dull teeth.

“Hey, are you okay?” Troy was facing you and still holding your hand. You realized how tight your grip on it was.

You tried to relax, willing your rapid heartbeat to slow and your breathing to even out.

Finally, you said, “I had a nightmare.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was just the fall.” You wiped at your sweaty forehead with your other hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“It's fine,” you sighed. 

“No, it’s my fault that it even happened.” 

You stared at him.

“Maybe I _am_ a bad person.” He murmured.

You scooted closer to him and cuddled his arm against your body. “You’re not.” You said firmly. 

“Maybe I am.” His voice sounded distant.

You hesitated before speaking. “Even if you are, it's not your fault.”

His eyes flashed. “I hurt you.”

You unconsciously brought a hand up to your throat. “No, you didn’t.”

He pulled away from you and sat up. He pointed down at your heart. “I hurt you _here_.”

Your mouth opened to speak, but you didn’t know what to say. 

“And that’s the worst kind of hurt, isn’t it, Clara.” It wasn’t a question. 

You rubbed his inner arm, trying to comfort him. 

“You were upset that Nick killed your father and that a bunch of strangers were invading your territory. You were literally exiled from your own home, Troy, so I understand what that might have done to your head.” 

You sat up when he didn’t reply, ignoring the pain that flared up in protest. You wrapped an arm around his shoulder. “And you didn’t get to say goodbye to me, so I understand if that made you a little crazy.” You said this softly and kissed his cheek, so he’d understand the pure intention of your words.

“I think I went a little insane, actually.” His tone was light, so you knew he was just playing along with you. His lips pressed to yours and you brought your free hand up to caress the side of his face.

He gently grabbed you by the hips and pulled you onto his lap. You let out a little grunt as you adjusted yourself to straddle him. His fingers tangled in your hair, his other hand pressed against your back, so you were pressed against him. Your arms wound around his neck and his tongue entered your mouth to stroke yours. 

You let out a little whine and surrendered to his control. He withdrew his tongue and closed his lips over yours.

You loved the way he kissed you. The way his mouth only slightly puckered, the way his teeth pulled at your bottom lip, the way his tongue pressed against yours.

You loved the way his hands roamed over you. Over the curve of your ass, up your spine, across your stomach to your ribs-

“Ow,” you breathed, pulling away. “Not that side, baby.”

“Sorry,” he murmured. His pupils were dilated with lust, his lips starting to swell.

“It’s okay,” you whispered as you leaned back in. You could feel how hard he was, and you could feel your own arousal pooling between your legs.

You ground your hips into his, and he let out a groan. You liked being on top because he couldn’t really stop you from grinding on him like this. You were in control.

You let out a moan as you circled your hips over his erection. His hand slithered up to your breast, squeezing it firmly. You moaned again and threw your head back.

He unbuttoned your shirt while sucking on you neck, and pulled your tank top and bra cup down. He swirled his tongue around your exposed nipple, using the flat of it to rub it into a tight peak. 

You whined, your hands curled in his hair, still grinding on him as he moved to the other and did the same. He moved his kisses up your neck, and pulled your flannel off your arms. Your tank top came off next, and then your bra.

You stopped moving your hips and unbuttoned his shirt. When his chest was bare, you leaned against him, pressing your breasts against his bare skin. 

He moaned, shrugged his shirt off and cradled the back of your head so he could kiss you again.

You reached for the button on his pants and flicked it open. You pulled the zipper down.

You had to get off him, so he could take off his pants and you could take off yours, but once you were done you straddled him again.

Your grabbed his hard length and traced it through your wet folds. He gasped.

“Condom?” he panted, gazing up into your eyes.

You bit your lip and shook your head. “I want to really feel you. I want you to really feel me.” You whispered as you lined him up with your entrance.

You sank down onto him slowly, keening when he was seated all the way. He felt so good, bare against your walls. Before Troy, you’d never even had sex, so this was definitely the first time you had done this. And he was in the same boat.

“ _Clara_ ,” he moaned. His grip was tight on your hip.

“Mm, do I feel good, baby?” you started rocking your hips. You took his face in your hand and kissed along his jaw, over his cheek.

“Yes, god, you're so wet.”

“I’m wet for you, Troy.” You purred in his ear.

You began raising your hips and slamming them back down. Your ribs were hurting, but he felt so good inside you that it was easy to ignore.

You'd rise up until just his head was inside you, and then you’d slide back down until he was buried to the hilt. You gripped his shoulder for leverage. 

You let out a moan as you felt your climax building. You pressed him as deep inside you as you could and ground your clit against him until your walls started to spasm around him. You threw your head back as you let the waves of your orgasm crashed into you. 

“Mm, you’re so beautiful when you come.” Troy moaned.

He flipped you over onto your back and began to thrust inside you at a quick pace. He pulled your knee up over his elbow, trying to get as deep inside you as he could. It wasn’t long before his rhythm faltered, and he pulled out of you. He began to jack himself off, and then spilled himself on your stomach.

You gasped when the warm, thick liquid hit your skin, at the look of pure bliss on his face.

His hand stroked himself a few more times before he stopped. 

“You’re beautiful when you come, too.” You murmured.

He gave you that smile that melted your heart.

He left to grab a cloth and clean you up, wiping gently between your legs and then his cum off your stomach.

He pulled his boxers back on and gave you his white t shirt. You pulled it on, breathing in Troy's scent as it passed over your face. It was long on you, since he was so tall, but you liked the way it fit.

You wanted to cuddle him, but it was hard with the pain in your ribs. He wasn’t much for intimacy in the beginning, and he still probably didn’t love it. But once he knew how much you liked him to hold you, or you to hold him, he always did.

You beckoned him over to your uninjured side. You guided his head so it was tucked under your chin, and he sighed against your collarbone, relaxing his body against yours.

Your hand idly scratched his head. He kissed your neck and slung his arm over your torso. 

His body was so large against yours, yet you felt so safe. You traced the outlines of the muscles in his back. This felt so good. It felt so _right_. 

As complicated as your relationship may be, you knew that Troy Otto was your _person_.

Even though you had told him so many times already, you said it again. “I love you.”

His lips trailed up to the spot on your neck, just beside your jaw and he nibbled the skin softly.

You wrapped your arms around him tighter and enjoyed feeling his heart beating against your chest.

“I don’t want to hurt you ever again.” He said sincerely.

You stroked his hair. “I know.”

“How?”

You kept running your fingers through his curls. “Because I know you, Troy.” You hesitated before you said what you were thinking out loud. “I know that you love me. Even if you can never tell me.” Your voice was soft.

He was quiet for a moment. “I’ll tell you someday.” He sounded like he wasn’t sure if he believed his own words.

You didn’t reply.

The two of you didn’t do much for the rest of the day.

Before Troy got out of bed, he slithered down your body and buried his face between your legs. You’d never get tired of the way his tongue explored your folds, the way it fluttered over your clit and slid inside you. He brought you to orgasm twice before he finally let up, pulling your hands out of his hair, and hovering over you to kiss you and let you taste yourself on his lips.

Then he set to work on getting hot water for a bath for you. You drifted off a little, completely satiated from the 3 orgasms you had that afternoon.

You were sort of out of it when Troy kissed your cheek and began gathering you in his arms.

You smiled dopily at him as he stepped into the tub and dropped your legs down.

You hummed at the feel of the warm water against your skin. 

Troy lifted his shirt off you and got out of the tub.

“You don’t want to join me?” you asked innocently.

He turned back around to face you. His eyes traveled over your naked body.

“Only if you want me to.”

Your hand reached out, and you bit your lip, nodding.

He walked back to you, pulling his boxers off. He took your hand, stepping into the tub.

He sat with his back against the wall and pulled your back against his chest.

You leaned your head back between his neck and shoulder and he grabbed a washcloth, gently running it over your skin, carefully over your scrapes. You grabbed his hand when it snuck down between your legs, and he let out a chuckle as you pulled the washcloth away from him.

“No more of that, mister.” You murmured.

“Was it that bad?” he whispered playfully in your ear.

“No, it was that _good_. I think I’ll turn to jelly if you try anymore.” You said as you wiped yourself. You were still sensitive. Then you tossed the washcloth in the sink.

“Why don’t we find out?” His hand trailed over your stomach, and you stopped him just past your navel.

“I’m serious, Troy.” 

“Fine,” he sighed.

“But I’m flattered you want to make me feel so good, baby.” You said, turning around to look at his face. You leaned in and whispered, “Because you make me feel really good,” before you kissed his lips gently.

“You do, too.” He said, squeezing your waist lightly.

You grinned and caressed his jaw.

“Can I wash your hair?” he asked, touching the ends that were already wet.

You were surprised, but tried not to show it. You nodded with a smile. You dunked your head under to wet all of your hair, and then Troy took the soap and poured some into his hand. You faced him, and he began to massage in the soap and you watched how soft his eyes were as he washed your hair. 

After a while, he said, “Is that good?”

You nodded and rinsed out the soap. You slicked your hair away from your face and placed your hand on the back of his neck, pulling his face to yours.

“Thank you.” You murmured.

He gazed into your eyes. “You’re welcome.” 

You kissed him slowly, tugging at the hair at the base of his skull.

He groaned into your mouth, reciprocating the kiss forcefully.

You pulled away before it could get too heated.

Troy’s head thudded back against the wall.

You let out a little laugh at his defeat. “What’s that face for?”

“Nothing.” He was still pouting.

“What, you haven’t had enough of me yet?” you teased, tapping his chin.

“I could never have enough of you.” His tone was intense and sent a shiver up your spine.

“Baby…” you said, caressing his cheek gently. His eyes were hard. “What’s going on with you?”

“I almost lost you, Clara.”

You took both of his hands in yours. “But you didn’t.” 

“I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I did. You’re the _only_ good part me.” 

You shook your head. “I’m not.”

He shook his head too. “You are. You are.”

“We're together now and that's all that matters.” You said after a moment. He didn’t reply. You tilted your head. “Okay?”

He nodded.

You took his face in your hand and stroked his cheek with your thumb. You pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before you stood and got out of the tub. You wrapped a towel around yourself and squeezed your hair out over the sink.

“Clara?”

“Yeah?” you glanced over at Troy.

“Earlier… why didn’t you want me to use a condom?”

“I told you. I wanted to really feel you, and I wanted you to really feel me. That’s what it’s supposed to _feel_ like, Troy. Did you not like it?”

“I mean, yeah, of course I did, but is that what we're going to do now?”

“Probably shouldn’t. I just wanted to once. I almost died today, and I wanted to know how it was supposed to be. How it should be.” You shrugged and ran your hands through your hair. You examined the superficial scrapes on your cheek and temple. “If you didn’t want to, you could have used one.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“Seems like you are.” 

“I’m _not_ saying that.”

You glanced over at him again, but said nothing, continuing to fuss with your hair.

“We'll run out of condoms eventually.” He said.

“How do you figure that?” you said, trying to vex him.

“You've been here for barely a day and we’ve already been all over each other.”

“Well, I can always change that. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Clara.” He said. He got out of the tub and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist. 

You left the washroom and Troy stopped you before you could get too far, pressing you up against the wall beside the door. He took your wrists in his hands and held them between your bodies. He pressed his lips against your ear.

“If I wanted to take you right now, you’d let me.” He whispered dangerously. He pulled his face back to look you in the eyes.

You didn’t know what to say. He was right, but you didn't want to stroke his ego. And you didn’t like his tone. You held his gaze heatedly.

He tilted his head. “Hm? Nothing to say?”

You raised your chin defiantly. He leaned in, his lips a breath away from yours and didn’t move for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, he pulled away, releasing your wrists and stepping away from you. You leaned your head against the wall. 

Troy rummaged around through the dresser in the bedroom and pulled out some clothes.

“Think these’ll fit?” he asked, as if everything was normal.

You took a moment to respond. “I don’t know. You’re kinda skinny.”

He gave you an unimpressed look and walked past you to the washroom. He closed the door and you let out a shaky breath. You pushed yourself away from the wall and went to get some clothes.

You picked up all of your strewn clothes from last night and the afternoon and folded them slowly.

When Troy came out of the washroom, he was wearing a new black t shirt, but obviously the pants hadn’t fit him, as he was just wearing his boxers.

You would have made fun of him had you been in a better state of mind. He picked up his pants that you had folded for him and stepped into them.

“What are you staring at?” his tone wasn’t harsh, it was light.

“Nothing.” You said monotonously.

“You’re the one still in their towel.”

You said nothing.

“Clara.” He finished buttoning his pants. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I’m fine.” It was obvious that you weren’t.

He huffed out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. “I shouldn’t have said all that shit. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” You said. “We were having such an intimate, emotional conversation, I pour my heart out to you, Troy, and then you fucking toss it aside like it's nothing.” 

He scrubbed a hand down his face. “I’m not good at this stuff.”

“After all we've been through, that's a bullshit excuse.” You said, looking at him hard.

He looked wary. “I do listen to you, Clara. I hear what you say, I don’t toss it aside. It’s not nothing to me.”

“Then why do you say some of the things you do?” you asked in exasperation. 

He took a moment to respond. “I don’t know.”

“You said that you didn’t want to hurt me ever again. Did you just mean physically? Because I thought you meant more than that.”

“I did.” He said firmly.

“Then why the fuck would you say that stuff to me?”

“I didn’t realize how… insensitive it was.” He sounded ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

You looked down at your hands, shaking your head. “I don’t even know if I should have come here.” You said quietly.

Silence.

“But you did.” Troy finally said. “You said you needed me. That you wanted to be with me. Is that not true?”

You let out a sigh. “It is true.”

He spread his arms. “Then nothing else matters, right? We're together.”

You raised your eyes to his. “Do you really believe that, Troy?”

He dropped his hands back down to his sides. His eyes searched yours. “Yeah, Clara. I do.”

You held his gaze for a moment longer before you looked back down at you lap.

“I’m going to take a nap. I feel like shit.”

He hesitated before responding. “Okay.”

You picked a navy shirt from your bag and pulled it on. Troy came over to you, and when he extended his hand, you leaned away from him. 

His face fell slightly, but he took the towel from your hand. He went to hang it in the washroom and you took the blanket you packed from your bag. You pulled on a pair of panties and then lay down on the bed, curling up in your blanket on you uninjured side.

You heard him leave the bedroom, and then the house. You hoped he wasn’t going out to do anything stupid, but you were getting tired of babysitting him.


	3. Old Habits Die Hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, this chapter has even MORE drama. I'm kinda adlibbing this story, so I wasn't really sure what direction I wanted this chapter to go in, but I think I like what I did! I hope you do, too!  
> Thanks to my commenters, and please don't be afraid to leave me a comment.  
> I need validation!!!  
> I want to know what you guys think! I'm writing for my own interests, but I'm writing for you too!  
> Let me know what you think of Clara's decision in this chapter! Do you disagree, or would you have done the same?  
> ENJOY! xo

When you woke up from your nap, your ribs were throbbing. You were surprised you were even able to fall asleep. You pushed yourself up into a sitting position, fist clenching the blanket.

You closed your eyes tightly as you tried to adjust to the pain. It was almost unbearable. 

You noticed the clock on the wall, but with the amount of light outside, you realized that you had slept all the way through the night. You must have really been exhausted.

You were sure that you shouldn’t be moving around too much, but Troy was nowhere in sight, and you figured you needed to go find him. 

You changed into some other clothes and went to the washroom to pee. You checked the blooming bruises on your ribcage, and noticed some on your neck from Troy's mouth.

You sighed and slowly walked out of the bedroom. 

“Troy?” you called out as you made your way into the kitchen.

No answer. 

You saw your knife on the counter, and picked it up. You were just wearing your leggings, and didn’t have a holster, so you held it firmly in your hand as you exited the house.

You didn’t see him anywhere. He wasn’t at the cliff either. There was a barn, so you went to check if he was in there.

The door creaked when you pushed it open. Light filtered into the dark space from dozens of holes in the metal walls.

It didn’t appear that Troy was in here either.

You walked around, checking out the stuff that was in there. Some tools. Equipment. More stuff on a second level that you were too sore to climb to.

You left the barn and closed the door behind you. Where had he gone?

You heard crunching of feet on stone, and turned to look.

But it wasn’t Troy. It was one of the dead, making their way towards you. 

You twirled your knife in your hand, and prepared yourself. You waited for it to come a little closer. 

Its hands reached out to you, and you waited another second before you ducked out of the way, and then spun around to plunge your knife in the back of its head.

It fell to the ground before you could pull your knife back out, so you had to move with it. As you tried to get your knife free, you were tackled to the ground by another one of the Infected.

You let out a yell as you braced your arm against its neck, keeping its gnashing teeth away from you. You tried using your legs to push it off you, but it was big and the weight of it was starting to cause white hot pain in your ribs. 

You tried to free your knife, but it was wedged in pretty good. You were stuck. You couldn’t push it off you, could barely keep its teeth from sinking into your flesh. 

You pushed with all your might, but it was no use. 

Suddenly, a blade appeared through its forehead and it stopped moving. Someone pulled the body off you.

It was Troy.

He stared down at you for a moment before he pulled you up and gave you a condescending look. 

“I thought it was bed rest for you.”

You were panting from the exertion, and didn’t speak You pushed some hair out of your face.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes looking you over.

“I’m fine. Thanks.” You managed to say. “I got worried when I didn’t see you anywhere.”

“You were dead asleep, so I went out hunting.” He said.

“Didn’t find anything?” 

He shook his head. “Come on, time to get you back in bed.”

He pulled your knife free and wiped the blood off the blade with the shirt of the Infected you had killed. You noticed he had the grenade launcher tucked in the back of his pants.

You pulled it out from his pants and he whipped around.

“What were you hunting? An elephant?” You asked with a furrowed brow, waving the launcher around in the air. 

He put one of his hand on his hips, and scratched his cheek with the other.

“I should have tossed this over the cliff.” You said.

“You told me that I shouldn’t bring the horde to the ranch, so I was trying to turn them back around.”

You stared at him. “You’re lying.” Troy looked down at the ground.

There was nothing but silence as you stared him down. Finally, he closed the distance between the two of you and took the launcher from your hand. 

“What did you do?” you pressed.

His eyes flicked back to yours. “Why don’t you believe me?” He asked in a tight voice.

You gave him a hard look. “You didn’t even deny it when I said you were lying, Troy.”

“Because would you have believed me, Clara? You’re so goddamn stubborn and you’ve already lost what little faith you’d had in me, why would you believe a fucking word I say?”

“Are you lying or not?”

When he spoke, his voice took on a dark edge that drew goosebumps on your skin. “Why don’t you tell me what _you_ think we can do to avenge my father, hm? Let’s hear that brilliant plan.”

You blinked at him. “Nick killed your father. The Clark’s took over your ranch. You don’t have to obliterate everyone there just because one family ruined your life.” You ended snidely.

“You didn’t answer me.” He said.

You stepped right up to him and tilted your head back to stare right in his eyes. “If you want revenge, then kill Nick. Now answer my fucking question.”

“They’re still a ways away from getting to the ranch. A day, maybe.” He ran his hand up your arm, over your clavicle, and up your neck. He stopped so his thumb rested against your jaw, his long fingers curled around the back of your neck. “If they continue on their path, and if they go right at the fork, then there shall be a reckoning.”

You shoved him away from you and slapped him across the face. 

He took a step back and his hand came up to his cheek. He let out a chuckle and brought his eyes back to yours.

“Wow.” He said, he gave you an impressed look. His hand dropped back to his side. He dragged his eyes over your body, then back up to your face. “You’re so sexy when you look at me like that.”

“Fuck you.” You spat. “I thought we agreed that you weren’t going to do that anymore. What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!” 

“So,” he took a step towards you, “many,” one more step, “things.”

You ran your hands through your hair in frustration. You wanted to yell. You wanted to cry. You wanted to beat his chest with your fists.

Instead, you just walked away. 

“Clara!” he called from behind you.

You stormed into the house, picked up all your shit and stuffed it back into your backpack. You pulled out the gun Jake gave you, and tucked it in the front of your leggings. You zipped up your bag and slung the left strap on, unable to put the weight on your injured side.

You walked out the door and stopped in your tracks when you saw Troy’s tall figure blocking the front door of the house. You pulled the gun from your pants and pointed it at him.

He gave you a patronizing look. “Clara.”

You tried to still the shaking of your hand. “Get out of my way.” You said, raising your chin.

“After everything, you’re just going to leave me?” He pouted.

“ _Everything_? You haven’t changed at all, Troy.” You let out a spiteful laugh. “And I was almost starting to think you were.”

“Like you said, it’s not my fault.” He stated. “I’m _sick_.”

“I’ve _never_ used that word.” You said, shaking your head. 

“Everyone else does.” His eyes pierced yours.

“I’m not everyone else!” You shouted.

“Oh, yeah? Because now you’re leaving me, too.”

“Don’t play the victim card. Because you are not a victim, Troy.” 

“I thought you loved me.”

“I do, Troy. I love you, but you’re a killer. I love you, but I have to go.”

“Go where?”

“Where do you _think_?”

“Well, I’m getting Jake. I have to show him, so, let’s go together.”

You shook your head. “We have different motives. I can’t do this with you.”

He stepped towards you, and you switched the safety off. He stopped moving, even raised his hands to his shoulders. He tilted his head. “You gonna shoot me, baby?”

“I will if you don’t get out of my way. Back up.” You pressed forwards and Troy walked backwards slowly.

Once he was out of the house, you flicked the gun at him, so he would continue moving away from you. He rolled his eyes but kept going.

“Don’t you think I’m just going to follow you?” He asked, sounding bored.

“If you follow me, I’ll shoot you.”

He laughed. “I don’t think so.” He walked a little closer and you leveled your gun to his chest.

“You know, I really thought you could change. For me. I’ve had so much faith in you, Troy!” You cried. “I believed in you, in what you were doing on the ranch. I know you’re fascinated by the dead, but this is too much. I feel like I don’t know who you are.”

“I’m me.” He said gently. He was only a couple of yards away from you.

“You scare me.” You whispered.

His face changed. Intrigue, and confusion. “You’re afraid of me?”

You tried to stop it, but tears started filling your eyes. You merely nodded, because you couldn’t trust your voice.

“Clara, I’d never hurt you.” His tone was so tender, and you wanted to reach out and touch him, but you stayed rooted in place.

You shook your head, and a tear trailed down your cheek. You swiped it away in frustration with your free hand. “That’s not the point. You’d hurt dozens of other people.”

“But not you. Never you.” He shook his head. “You said you didn’t even like living on the ranch anymore. That you couldn’t stand the people there, and I know you didn’t want Walker or his people there either.”

“It doesn’t mean it’s okay for them all to be killed! And in such a terrible way!”

“Clara,” Troy stepped forward, hand reaching out to you, but you aimed slightly down and shot the ground between his feet.

He barely flinched, but he stopped moving. He shook his head with a heavy sigh. “Tell me what I have to do.”

You shook you head in confusion. Your backpack fell off your shoulder, but you didn’t pick it up. “What?”

“Tell me what I have to do to stop you from leaving.”

“You think there’s anything that would make me want to stay with you?” you asked incredulously. 

“Yeah, Clara. Because you love me. And you know what?” He lunged forward and grabbed the gun. The two of you struggled for it for a moment, but he won and pulled it away from you. He tossed it to the side, and grabbed you by the shoulders when you tried to go get it.

He ducked his head to look you in the eyes. “I love you, too.”

You stopped struggling, and just stared back at him. “What?” you breathed out.

He released your shoulders and his hands framed your face. He let out a disbelieving laugh. “I love you, Clara.”

You stumbled over a reply, but he wasn’t finished.

“I love the way you look at me when I say how I feel. I love the way you make me feel. The way you calm me down. I love the way you touch me so gently, as if I might break, even though I’m probably the hardest person you’ve ever met.” His pupils dilated slightly. “I love the way I fit inside you, the way you taste on my tongue. I love that you give yourself to me.”

You felt your cheeks heat.

“I love that you’re the only person who’s really stuck by me, Clara. I love _you_.”

Instead of saying anything, you curled your fists in his shirt and stood on your tip toes to crush your mouth to his. The kiss was intense, it made your head swim, it made you forget how fucked up everything was.

Troy Otto had admitted his feelings for you, and felt like you were standing on air. He grabbed your ass and lifted you up. You wrapped you legs around his waist and fisted his curls in your hand as your tongue pressed against his.

You let out a desperate moan as he carried you back to the house. He kicked the door shut behind you and pushed you up against the wall. He slammed his hand beside your head. He dragged his lips down your neck, his other hand squeezing your ass.

“Fuck,” you said breathlessly. You knew you should be talking, trying to figure out how to stop the horde from getting to the ranch. But _damn_ , Troy was making you feel so good.

“That’s the idea.” He whispered in your ear.

You tugged on his hair, bringing his lips back to yours. “Shut up.”

“Okay,” he said, before he kissed you roughly.

He pulled you away from the wall and carried you back into the bedroom. He didn’t even let you go as he laid you on the bed.

He pulled away and looked down at you. You were both panting heavily. 

He shook his head, his face kind of dazed. “I fucking love you.” He professed.

“I love you, too.” You stroked his cheek.

He pulled his shirt over his head and you immediately ran your hands over his shoulders, down his shoulder blades and back.

He kissed you deeply, and slid his hand under your shirt. 

You pulled it off, and he ducked his head to kiss your breasts. 

“Wait, wait.” You moaned, but tugged at his hair. “Troy, wait. We should stop.”

“What for?” he asked, his tongue tracing the curves of you skin.

“Not every argument we have should end up in sex.” You panted.

“Why not? It’s _so_ much better that way.” He whispered in your ear, then trailed his lips down your jaw.

You let out a moan. “We really need to talk.”

He captured your lips with his. “Right now?” he asked heatedly. He trailed his hand down your stomach and pressed it against your center. You could feel how wet he had made you already.

You stared silently into his eyes, and he pressed a little harder.

You moaned again, then shook your head. “Not right now.”

“Didn’t think so.” He gave you another kiss before he sat up, taking off your boots and then pulling your leggings and panties down your legs.

He undid his belt and unzipped his fly. You bit your lip when his erection sprung free.

He leaned back over you and snaked his hand around your back to unclasp your bra.

You let it drop to the floor and cupped his jaw, kissing him fiercely as he hooked his elbow under your knee, spreading you apart for him. You planted your other foot on the bed and angled your hips, waiting for him to enter you.

He penetrated you slowly, and you gasped, pressing your head back into the pillow. When he was buried all the way, he groaned and kissed you tenderly. 

He began to thrust in and out of you slowly, pressing himself as deep as he could inside you. 

The feeling of him bare against your walls, hitting you so deep, gave you so much pleasure. Your eyes rolled back in your head. You felt like you were dizzy.

You dug your fingers in his back. “ _Troy_.”

“Mm, love hearing you moan my name.”

“Oh, Troy. You feel so good inside me. I love the way you fill me up.” You gasped.

He kissed you deeply, before he said, “I love it, too.”

You let out a couple more moans as he thrust into you. He felt so good, but it wasn’t enough.

“Harder, Troy. I need more.” You whined. 

His eyes looked deeply into yours.

“Give it to me. All of it.” You whispered.

And he did. No longer holding back, Troy began to fuck you so hard that he pushed your body up the mattress, and you had to brace your arm against the headboard, so you didn’t knock into it.

You couldn’t stop the sounds coming from your mouth, but it seemed to spur him on. 

His long fingers sought out your clit, and he rubbed it in quick, tight circles as he pounded into you. 

“Oh, fuck, just like that.” You moaned. 

“Do you like that, baby?” he panted. “Are you going to come for me, Clara?”

You nodded. “Yes, Troy,” you whimpered. 

It only took a minute for him to make you come, and he groaned as he felt your walls tightening and pulsing around him.

“Fuck, baby. You just gushed all around me.”

You were far too out of it to even think of a response. That was one of the most intense orgasms you had ever had.

He fucked you for a few more minutes before he pulled out. He wrapped his hand around himself, but you pushed him into a sitting position, so his back was against the headboard. 

You crawled between his legs. You took his throbbing member in your hand, still wet with your juices, and then sucked it into your mouth.

“Fuck,” Troy swore, hand curling in your hair. 

You bobbed your head, and wrapped your hand around the base, pumping what you couldn’t fit in your mouth. 

You came up for a breath, pumping him roughly and looking at his face, which was twisted in pleasure. You licked the tip slowly, teasing the slit with your tongue.

“Fuck, baby. I’ve missed your mouth.” He said in strained voice.

In response, you took him back between your lips.

You sucked for a few more moments before Troy tugged at your hair.

“I’m going to come.” 

You pushed his hand away from your head and stroked him a few more times before you felt the streams of his cum hitting the back of you throat. You let him push himself deep in your throat before you released him and swallowed greedily.

You sat up and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. You locked eyes with Troy, his head leaned back against the headboard. His chest was still rising and falling quickly.

“C’mere, baby.” He panted.

You crawled up to him and lay down beside him. He pulled the blanket over your naked bodies, and lay down beside you. He tucked one arm behind his head. You pressed your body to his and nuzzled your face into his neck. Troy slipped his free hand in your hair, lightly scratching your scalp.

You kissed his damp skin, running your tongue over his pulse point and tasting the salt from his sweat.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized again. “I’m so fucked up, Clara. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I don’t know who I’d be without you.”

You stopped kissing his neck. “It’s okay, baby. But like I said, we really need to talk.”

He sighed. “I know.”

You were both quiet for a moment, and you gently nipped at his skin to get him to talk.

“We can probably still turn them around. It’d be easier with a car, but since we don’t have one, we’ll have to get moving. We’d have to go right now.”

You held back a sigh. “So, we shouldn’t need to warn them and maybe start an evacuation?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I think we can do it.”

“Are you positive, Troy? We’ll probably only have one chance.”

“We can do it.” He confirmed.

You hesitated before you replied. “Okay.” You leaned up and kissed his lips gently before you sat up and stretched out your neck.

“Can you get my bag? I dropped it outside and I want to change my clothes.” You asked Troy, looking over your shoulder at him.

He ran his fingers up your back, causing goosebumps to erupt on your skin. “Yeah.”

He re-dressed and you went into the washroom to clean yourself up after he left the room.

After, you stared hard at yourself in the mirror. If Troy didn’t make this right, you knew you’d have to leave him. You couldn’t keep giving him second chances that he’d probably end up blowing anyway. You couldn’t keep doing this to yourself. 

You deserved better, even if you loved him. 

You looked at the scrapes on your face, at the bruises on your ribs and the cuts on your torso.

No matter how much you loved him, you knew, in the back of your mind, that he was like a poison.

You sighed deeply and splashed some water over your face. You ran your fingers through your tangled hair, trying to free it from the knots.

You jumped a little when there was a knock at the door.

“I’ve got your stuff.”

You walked to the door and opened it a crack. “Thank you.” You said.

He held the bag up to you and you took it, closing the door after.

You pulled on some panties, your jeans, a grey t shirt, and Troy’s jacket.

You walked out of the bathroom and threw one of the tomatoes you had brought to Troy.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’ve eaten for a day.” You said, before taking a bite.

He looked at the tomato before he took a bite into it. “I don’t think so either.”

You definitely didn’t use to like tomatoes, always used to pick them out of your salads, but now your mouth watered for them.

You were already almost done it by the time you slipped your foot into your boot. You finished eating it before you slid on the other and laced them up.

When you stood and turned around, Troy was holding your gun out to you, handle first.

“Here.”

You looked up at his eyes and then back at the gun. You reached out and took it, tucking it in the back of your jeans.

“Where’s yours?”

“I actually don’t have any ammo.”

You let out a chuckle, remembering how he had his gun pointed at you when you first got here. “Well, you’ve got the grenade launcher, right?”

He nodded.

“And a knife?”

He patted his side, and you saw it strapped in his belt.

“Mine?” 

“It’s still outside, I think.”

“Okay. Are you ready?”

He nodded again.

You walked over to him and gently reached for his hand. He entwined his fingers with yours, and gave your hand a light squeeze. He seemed rooted in place, but when you gave his hand a gentle tug, he followed you.

When you were out of the house, you picked up your discarded knife and tucked it in one of the belt loops. You took a quick look around the property, and then looked to Troy.

“Alright. Let’s go.”


	4. Like It's Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my readers :) Don't worry, this isn't the final chapter. Hang tight, though ;)

It was the sounds that bothered you the most. Not even the smell, or the vast number of Infected in the valley below. 

It was the sounds. The groans, hisses, starving, animalistic growls.

You put Troy between you and the edge of the cliff, but it didn’t stop the sounds. You gripped his hand tightly as you walked along. It put you on edge.

You still couldn’t see the beginning of the horde. _How many had Troy managed to collect?_ You glanced up at his face warily, and it was pretty blank.

He noticed you looking at him, so he raised your joined hands to his lips and kissed the back of your hand. But you couldn’t bring yourself to smile.

“We can do it, Clara.”

You searched his eyes. “We have to.” You said.

“I know.” He looked back down to the horde, and raised one hand to shield his eyes from the light. “I think we’re almost near the front.”

“Okay.” You said.

After maybe another mile, you could see the front of the horde. “How far is the ranch?”

Troy shrugged, and continued looking down at the horde. 

You dropped his hand. “Troy.”

He looked at you. “I don’t know, five miles, maybe?”

“Okay, we need to do something _now_.”

He took one of the grenades from the strap around his chest, and loaded it into the launcher. “I’ll aim there,” he said, pointing a couple hundred yards behind the beginning, “and that should start getting them turning around.”

You nodded.

He raised the launcher, ducked his head as he aimed, and you made sure he was pointing it where he said he was going to. It looked like he was. 

He pulled the trigger, and you watched the explosion take place a few seconds later right in the middle of the dead. You watched to see what the Infected at the front of the horde did. It looked like they were slowing down, but you weren’t quite sure.

You looked at Troy. “Is it going to work? Should you do it again?”

“We only have six more rounds. We have to use them strategically.”

“Alright. You’re the expert.” You sucked your teeth, and he gave you an unimpressed look.

“Don’t be like that. I’m trying to fix this.”

You sighed. “I know. I just wish we didn’t have anything to fix at all.”

He ran his hand through his hair. “I told you, Clara, how fucked up I am.”

You suddenly noticed how tired he looked. The defeat in his eyes. You reached up and softly caressed his cheek. “If we can stop this, then none of what happened in the past matters. Okay?”

His eyes searched yours, but he nodded. 

You dropped your hand, and looked back to the horde. “Why doesn’t it look like that made any impact at all?”

“I don’t know. They seem to be going pretty fast, compared to their natural pace. Considering how many there are, I’m not sure if we’ll be able to turn every single one of them around.”

You looked at him sharply. “What are you saying?”

“We might have to accept the fact that some are still going to make it to the ranch. There’s too many, Clara. To get them to change direction… we don’t have enough ammo to stop them all.”

A prickling feeling spread over the back of your neck. “But you said we could do it.”

“I know, but seeing the way they are, I’m not so sure.”

“Did you lie to me _again_?”

“No.” he said firmly. “I thought we could do it.”

You sighed, shaking your head emphatically. “We have to warn them.”

“We can still stop some. Most.”

“So? There’s _hundreds_ , Troy. Even if you could stop two thirds, the remainder is still enough to devastate the ranch. I have to tell them.”

He just looked at you blankly.

“We have to split up.”

He shook his head. “I thought you weren’t going to leave me.”

“I’m not _leaving_ you, Troy. I just have to try to get them to evacuate, and when you’ve led most of them away, come back and find me.”

“Without a car, you probably won’t even make it in time for an entire evacuation.”

You spread your hands out at your sides. “I have to at least _try_.”

His eyes displayed distress. “I don’t want you going alone.”

You shrugged helplessly. “Someone has to stay here and divert the horde. And I don’t think I can do that.”

Troy looked back down at the horde, then to the path which they were walking. 

“What if I don’t have to turn them around?”

“What do you mean?” you asked, confused.

He pointed at something, so you walked a little closer to him and peered in the direction he was pointing.

“What if I can make them go left, instead of right and to the ranch?”

“Would that work?”

“Yeah, and probably better than trying to get them turned around, honestly.”

“But you’d have to get over and down to that side. There’s too many, I don’t want you to get caught while trying to get over there.”

He shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I can do it.”

You shook your head. “No, Troy. It’s too dangerous! I can’t… see you get hurt.” You tried to keep a brave face, but your emotions betrayed your voice.

He reached out and cupped your cheek, and you placed your hand over his hand, leaning into it. “I’ll be fine. Maybe you should go to the ranch. Warn them about what might come.”

You stared up into his eyes. “You have to swear to me that you’ll make this right. You have to stop them from getting to the ranch. If you don’t… then I will leave you, Troy.” You ended softly.

“I swear.” He said solemnly. “I love you, Clara.”

You stood on your toes and kissed his lips gently. “I love you, too.” You stared up into his eyes. “Please, Troy. Make this right.”

He ducked his head to kiss you again. You leaned into the kiss, savoring the feel of his lips against yours. “I’ll come find you.” He promised when he pulled away.

You nodded and lowered your heels back to the ground. You ran your hand over his jaw, and tapped his chin with your thumb gently. He gave you a little smile, which you returned briefly, before you turned around and left.

*

You started off at a jog towards the ranch, and it wasn’t long before you saw a red truck driving down the path towards you.

When it got closer, you saw that it was Jake driving, and that Nick was in the passenger seat.

They came to a stop and Jake leaned out the window.

“Clara?” he called.

“What are you guys doing out here?!” you replied.

Nick opened his door and got out. He leaned against it and stared at you through the open window. “Your boyfriend came to the ranch last night, and warned us about a monster coming from the desert.”

“What? He went to the ranch?” You felt so betrayed. How could he not tell you that? Even though he agreed to stop the horde, he should have told you about what he had done last night.

“He said that the whole ranch was going to be obliterated.” Jake cut in. “Where’s Troy?”

You shook your head. “He's trying to stop it.”

“Stop what?” Nick asked.

You said nothing.

“Clara,” Jake said, “Where is Troy?”

You still couldn’t speak. Nick raised his gun and pointed it at you. “Alright. Come on, Clara. Get in the truck.”

You stared at him, so he yelled, “Get in the truck!”

You walked over to Jake’s side and looked at him. You spoke in a low voice. “Things have changed since this morning. Troy is trying stop this now, okay? You need to understand that. Please, Jake.”

He looked at you sadly. “Get in.”

You sighed and got in the truck, scooting over to the middle, but trying to leave as much space between you and Nick when he got in. He had his gun aimed at you still.

You looked at the gun, then back up at his face. “You gonna shoot me, too?” Your tone was light, but you stared daggers at him.

He narrowed his eyes at you, then sudden realization dawned in his eyes. _You knew_.

You said nothing further as Jake got in and switched gears, stepping on the gas.

Nick kept his eyes on you warily, but you merely crossed your arms over your chest and stared ahead. You slouched in your seat. You felt the weight of Troy keeping the truth from you heavy in your heart.

You thought he was done with that. You thought that he would never hide anything from you again. But you were wrong. It seemed that it was always two steps forward and one step back with Troy.

Nick looked out the window at the dust cloud, and he distantly said, “Fuck.”

“You’ll have to cross to the other side. Troy is trying to divert them that way.”

Jake did as you said, though it was difficult with the terrain he even managed find a level enough piece and you got to the top of the valley. 

Jake pulled to a stop and got out of the truck to look at the horde. You got out as well, shoving Nick off you when he tried to stop you. 

You looked around for Troy. He should be close; you were near the front of the horde. You heard the other door open and shut and turned around to see Nick walking over to you.

“Holy shit. So, this is what he did? This is Troy's monster?”

“Things have changed since dawn. He’s trying to prevent them from going to the ranch. He knows it was wrong.”

Before anyone could reply, there was an explosion below. You went closer to the edge and saw Troy down on a lower level.

Jake and Nick took off for him fast, and you followed, cursing under your breath.

Troy turned around in surprise when he saw the three of you running at him.

The boys stopped a fair distance, but you went right over to Troy, standing tall at this side.

“Put down the launcher, Troy.” Jake said. He had his gun out and pointed at his brother.

Troy shook his head. “I can’t.”

“We're trying to stop them.” You said.

“Clara, shut your mouth.” Nick said.

“Hey-” Troy started, but Nick wasn’t done.

“He needs to answer for what he's done.” Nick yelled.

Troy shook his head, laughing spitefully, and you knew things were going to turn upside down.

“Yeah. I created this. I led them, I set them on my path. I wanted to cleanse the ranch of the filth living there.” He spat.

Jake moved suddenly and punched Troy, knocking him to the ground. He punched him a few more times, and you screamed at him to stop. He finally did.

“I don’t see what you're getting so worked up about. This is _evolutionary_.” Troy said.

“This is murder, Troy.” Nick said, talking in a calm voice.

Troy laughed again, and it drew chills up your spine. “Murder. Now, you’re the expert there, aren’t you Nicky?”

Jake looked over his shoulder to Nick briefly, his gun still pointing down at Troy. “What is he talking about?”

“Why don’t you tell him, Nick? You tell it best.” Troy reasoned.

Nick was silent for a moment, and then he merely said, “I'm sorry.”

“What could you be sorry for?” Troy asked, a fake tone of wonder.

Realization dawned on Jake's face. 

“Oh, you didn’t know… I thought Alicia would have told you.” Troy said regretfully.

“She didn’t know.” Nick said abruptly. “Alicia didn’t know about Jeremiah.”

Jake shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care.”

He was still holding his gun to Troy.

“Jake, listen to me. Troy was trying to stop this.” You said.

“Look at him, Clara, he’s not even sorry.”

“He’s trying to make this right! We're all wasting time!”

“Clara, did you know that rabbits scream? They scream like humans.”

You were so confused by what Jake was saying that you couldn’t form any words.

Troy sighed. “Here we go with the rabbits.”

“Did you know that your lover used to skin them alive?” Jake said venomously.

Goosebumps prickled your skin. You looked at Troy, but he averted his eyes from yours.

“If you think Troy has changed, or if you think he ever will, then you’re either blind, naïve, or just stupid.”

You went forward and picked up the launcher that Troy had dropped when he was knocked to the ground. You checked, and it was loaded.

You knew that you were running out of time to change the horde's direction. 

“Clara, what are you doing?” Nick asked.

“We’re running out of time.”

You aimed the best you could; having never used a grenade launcher, you hoped you could do it right. You pulled the trigger, but Nick grabbed your elbow, causing your shot to go wide. You gasped as it exploded, on the right side of the peak that stood between the two paths of the valley.

You shoved Nick away from you, and screamed, “What did you do?!” You kept pushing at him and he grabbed your wrists, trying to stop you. 

Troy threw Jake off him and grabbed Nick, pulling him away from you. 

He stood chest to chest with Nick. “Touch her again, Nick.” Troy said in his face. “I swear, you touch her again, and I will _kill_ you.”

You turned away from them and looked down at the valley. You ran your hands through your hair, tugging at it as you watched the Infected shift towards the right. _No_. After everything, they were still going to get to the ranch.

Jake went to break up the fight between Troy and Nick, and then next thing you knew, Jake was tumbling down the hill. There were a few stray Infected heading straight towards him.

“Jake!” you yelled, but he looked like he was kind of out of it.

The three of you carefully slid down the hill, trying to reach Jake before the dead. But you weren’t quick enough. One was on top of Jake, and you heard him scream as it bit into his arm, tearing off his flesh. The boys took care of the dead, but you were frozen in place. You watched blood stream down Jake’s arm.

The last time you had seen someone get bitten, it was your mother. She had been bitten in the neck, and you held her as she died slowly in your arms. As soon as she stopped breathing, you drove a knife through her temple. She was the last one left of your family, and now you were alone.

Your own blood started pounding in your head, rushing through your ears. The boys looked like they were having an intense conversation, but you couldn’t hear anything they were saying. You watched silently as Troy held Jake’s arm down, and Nick brought a machete down onto it, severing Jake arm a few inches above the bite.

Your hearing came back to the sound of Jake’s pained yell. Your head felt light, but you tried to keep yourself from passing out.

The boys helped carry Jake into the bed of the truck, and then Troy was in front of you. He placed his hands on your shoulders, and you looked at him dazedly. 

“Clara, we have to go. Are you okay? Did Nick hurt you?”

You merely shook your head.

“If he touches you again, I’ll kill him. But we have to go, right now. Come on.”

Your feet took slow steps at first, but then you were back to normal and getting into the truck. Nick was sitting in the back with Jake, who appeared to have passed out.

Troy stepped on the gas and the truck sped its way back to the ranch. 

After a minute of silence, Troy glanced over at you. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about going to the ranch this morning.”

You chewed on your lip. “It’s in the past. But you have to promise me, Troy. No more secrets, okay? You can’t keep things from me if this is going to work out.”

“I know. I swear I won’t ever keep anything from you again.”

You nodded.

“And Clara? I’m sorry you had to hear all that other stuff.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You dismissed. You didn’t want to talk about it any more than he probably did.

Troy was driving as fast as he could, but it didn’t matter.

You were too late. 

From afar, you watched the ranch become overrun.

Jake lay bleeding out on the dirt. Troy sat beside him. 

Nick was furthest from everyone.

You went over to Troy and placed your hand on his shoulder. He was staring down helplessly at his brother. You took Jake’s hand and squeezed it. It felt cold.

Nick turned around and looked at you. “He needs to be put down.”

Troy shook his head. “He wasn’t supposed to die.”

“None of this would have happened if it weren’t for you.” Nick said.

“Don't blame him for this. If you hadn’t fucked with what I was doing, the horde wouldn’t even be here.” You spat. “This is your fault, Nick.”

“Oh yeah? I don’t seem to remember being the one to summon hundreds of the dead and setting them on their way here.”

“That's beside the point, asshole. If you hadn’t come along, Troy probably could have stopped the horde.”

Nick just shook his head and walked away again. You saw him pull out a walkie talkie and thought you heard him say Alicia’s name.

You turned your attention back to Jake. He was so still. You knew he was dead. You felt tears prickle your eyes, and you sniffled. You bent down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. As soon as you pulled away, his eyes opened.

You flinched in surprise, and Troy put his hand on your shoulder, pulling you back up and away from Jake.

He covered Jake’s eyes with his hand, keeping his head down against the ground as his hand began reaching out for either of you.

You choked back a sob when you heard those _sounds_ coming from his mouth. You covered your mouth with your hand, and watched as Troy slowly sunk his knife into Jake’s temple. His body went limp, and Troy pulled out the blade. He stared at the blood on it.

You took the knife from his hand and set it on the ground. You placed your hands on his face and he met your eyes. Troy had never looked so lost.

You pulled him into your arms and he buried his face in your neck. You stroked his hair, and tried to keep tears from falling down your cheeks. Jake deserved better than this. He was better than all of you.

“Okay.” You head from behind you. You turned your head to see Nick walking towards the two of you. “We have to try to find a way to save everybody that Troy tried to kill.”

Troy sat up when he heard his name. His face was hard. “I wasn’t trying to kill. Not anymore, at least.”

“Well, this all started because of you. And now we have to fix this mess.”

“Why should we? There’s nothing there for us.” You said. “Your family is the reason Troy was banished, you killed Jeremiah, and now Jake is dead.” Despite knowing that it was wrong to let everyone die, Jake's death had really pushed you over the edge. If the Clark’s were doomed, then you didn’t really care what happened to the ranch.

“Exactly,” Troy said. “Why should we give a shit about what happens to the ranch? It’s not our home anymore. You all made sure of that.” Troy said spitefully.

“ _Why should you care_?” Nick inquired. “I thought better of you, Clara. There’s dozens of innocent people down there. And their lives are in danger because of you, Troy.”

“I think we’ll pass.” He said. “Come on, Clara. Nick brought us a nice truck. Let’s get out of here.”

You stood up along with him, and Nick aimed his gun at you. You stared at him, frozen in place. It didn’t appear that Troy knew what was going on, as he was still walking over to the truck. You raised your hands to your shoulders. 

“I wouldn’t do that, Troy.” Nick called. He clicked off the safety.

You heard Troy’s feet swivel on the dirt.

“Put the gun down, Nick. You already killed my father. My brother’s dead. You’re going to take her from me, too?”

“I will if you don’t come with me.”

Troy was quiet for a minute before he replied. “I don’t think you’ll do it.”

“Try me.” Nick countered.

More silence. Then, “Come on, Clara. Let’s go.” You felt his hand close around your wrist, and he gently pulled your arm.

From the look in Nick’s eyes, you weren’t sure if he really was bluffing.

As it turns out, he wasn’t.

When you began to step backwards, Nick pulled the trigger.


	5. Waiting Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that last cliffhanger ;)  
> Please let me know how I'm doing! Leave me a comment! :)  
> enjoy xo

You felt like you were hit by a train, and pain exploded in your left shoulder, just under your collarbone. You stayed on your feet for a couple of seconds, but then you looked down at the blood pulsating out of you, your hand reaching out to touch it, and you felt your knees give way.

Troy caught you before you hit the ground, and sunk to his knees, holding your torso in his lap. He brushed your hair out of your face, and your eyes focused on his. His eyes were wild.

“Son of a bitch,” you gasped out. Everything sounded funny, as if you had cotton in your ears. All you could do was gaze up at Troy’s face, and try to catch your breath. He pushed his hand down on your shoulder, trying to slow the bleeding, and you let out a sharp cry of pain. Troy looked at you, heartbreak in his eyes, before his eyes changed to something deadly. 

Troy looked back at Nick. “You bastard! You could have killed her!” He shouted.

“I wasn’t trying to. But the next one goes to her heart.” Nick stated plainly. “Unless you help me stop your herd from killing everyone on the ranch.”

“I can’t fucking _leave_ her like this!” Troy yelled.

“She’ll be fine. I know how to shoot, Troy. It probably went through and through.” Nick sounded bored, and you wanted to punch him in the face.

Troy looked down at you, his expression softening. “Can you sit up for me, baby?”

He gently pushed your back, and you pushed yourself into a sitting position with your right hand. Any slight movement from your left arm caused a fiery wave of pain through your body. Your ribs were still aching, too. You felt Troy move your hair out of the way and run his hand over your shoulder blade. 

“Is there an exit wound?” Nick inquired.

“Yes.” Troy said through gritted teeth.

“See? I told you.”

“I’ll fucking kill you.” He warned deadly, shaking his head.

“No, you won’t. Not if you want to get her some help. If you don’t help me stop the horde, then I’ll shoot you too, Troy.”

“Go, Troy.” You said, and he looked at you sharply. You tried to keep your voice steady. “I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.” He said urgently. “You’re hurt.”

“I can survive anything, remember?” You tried to flash a smile. “I’ll just sit in that little shed there, and then you can come back for me, okay?”

He shook his head. He looked like he was in physical pain. 

“Come on, Troy. Unless you want her dead, and a bullet hole of your own to match hers.” Nick said.

“Go, Troy. I have my gun, so if anything comes…”

He cupped your cheek with the hand that wasn’t pressed against your shoulder. He kissed you gently on the lips. When he pulled away, he took your hand and pressed it against your shoulder. You let out a gasp at the pain. “Don’t stop putting pressure on here, okay? And don’t you dare pass out.”

You nodded. “Okay.” 

He helped you up and walked you to the shed. He helped you settle down on the floor, and then shrugged off his shirt. He pulled off his undershirt, and handed it to you before he put his other shirt back on. 

“Lover’s last gift?” you asked with an arched eyebrow.

He buttoned his shirt up and looked at you with a smirk. “It’s for your shoulder. And your lover has many more gifts to bestow upon you.” His voice was serious. He took the shirt and wrapped it around your arm, tying it in a tight knot. You grimaced at the pain.

You leaned your head back against the wall. “Good.” You said simply. His face was close to yours.

“Where’s your gun?” he asked.

“Back of my pants.” 

He reached his hand behind you and pulled the gun out.

He stared down at the weapon. “I could do it. I could kill him.” He said.

You shook your head. “As much as I hate to say it, he’s right in saying that I need help. There’s medical supplies at the ranch that we’re unlikely to find anywhere else.”

He let out a deep sigh. “As soon as I know you’re going to be okay, I’m going to kill him.”

“Fine by me.” You said. 

He put the gun down beside you, so you could grab it if necessary. 

“I’ll be back soon.” He said. 

You nodded. He kissed you again, very gently. And then he stood and left. He closed the door, you heard the engine of the truck start and then it grew softer. 

You were alone.

You weren’t sure how much time passed by. Your head started to feel funny, but you tried to keep as much pressure on your shoulder as you could. You were pissed that Nick had shot you. If Troy didn’t kill him, you were going to do it yourself.

You tried to distract yourself from the pain by staring at the sky through the glass walls of the shed. 

Before the world had gone to shit, you’d had a broken arm from falling out of a tree, a sprained ankle from that camping trip, and stitches in your knee from a bad fall on the pavement in the first grade. You wondered how the last few days had wound up with you being so devastatingly injured. Broken and bruised ribs. And now a gun shot wound. 

At one point, you heard gun fire. Not a lot, though.

Later, you heard something much bigger.

You were starting to feel extremely weak, and finally you heard an engine. Maybe a few, actually.

Then fast feet came over to the shed. You saw Troy’s worried face through the glass as he opened the door. Your eyes were half closed.

“Clara? Can you hear me?”

You felt too weak to talk, so you nodded instead. 

He huffed out a sigh as he leaned over you. He tucked your gun in the back of his own pants. Then he scooped you up bridle style and you let out a gasp of pain.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” He said quietly, carrying outside.

“Clara!” you heard someone yell. It sounded like Alicia. 

Suddenly you were in a truck bed, head in Troy’s lap and people were fluttering around you. Madison. Alicia. A tall black man whom you had never met before. And Nick.

Alicia helped you get off your jacket and shirt, and you tried to smile at her when she covered your torso with a blanket, leaving your left shoulder exposed. 

“I’m glad you’re alive.” You rasped out. She took your hand.

“Right back at you.” She said softly. She gave your hand a squeeze before she left.

You waited for a moment when it was just you, Troy, and Nick. 

You curled your finger at him so that he would lean in to hear you speak. “How do they think I got shot?” 

“Stray gunfire from the ranch. I said that we were all trying to stop the horde, but then you got shot and we took you up here.”

“Where’s everybody else?” you asked.

“Don’t worry about that.” Troy said.

“Alicia, Ofelia, and Crazy Dog are the only ones who made it out.” Nick answered.

You were stunned into silence. 

Everyone was dead.

“Why did you lie about me getting shot?” You finally said.

“Because I don’t think we need anymore deaths on our hands today. And my mother would surely kill Troy if she knew he started this.”

You shook your head. “That’s not it, though, is it Nick? Feeling guilty about Jeremiah? Maybe about your sister’s lover?”

Before Nick could confirm or deny what you were saying, Madison and Alicia were back. They had clean bandages, and a needle for stitches.

They poured water over your wound and you clenched your teeth. You stayed awake for the first few stitches, but you ended up passing out before they even got to the back.

When you woke up, it was dark. You didn’t know where you were. There was a dull but insistent throbbing in your left shoulder. You could feel tight bandages covering it. You leaned up on your right elbow, and realized you had a headache, too.

You groaned, “Fuck me,” and felt a hand on your shoulder. 

“I’m glad you’re awake, but I don’t think you have enough strength for that quite yet.” Troy said. But he did lean in and kiss you heatedly.

“Why are your jokes always so bad?” you teased when he pulled away.

“You love them.” He quipped. “How are you feeling, baby?”

“I feel like someone’s pressing hot coals into my shoulder. And I feel like I have a hangover. But worse.” 

He let out a chuckle and handed you something. It was a bottle of water. 

You took several grateful sips before Troy told you to slow down.

You brought the bottle down from your lips and he took it from you.

“Where are we?” you asked.

“Some trading center. Madison said they made a deal with Ofelia’s father for water, and they were supposed to give him some guns.”

“Do they know?” you asked. He knew you were talking about how the ranch really came down.

“No.”

You lay back down. “Good.”

“Ofelia was bitten. She’s dying in the other room. The others are with her. But Alicia left. She was tired of all of Madison’s bullshit, I guess.”

“I don’t blame her.” You said. You were glad that she was trying to get away from her mother.

“I told them that we weren’t sticking around with them after you got better.”

“Good.” You said again. All you wanted was Troy. “That’s all I want. Just me and you.”

“I only want you.” He replied. His tone made you shiver.

Your eyes had started to better adjust to the dim light, and you could make out his features.

“Troy?” you said.

“Yeah, baby?” He looked down at you.

You wet your bottom lip with your tongue. “Kiss me.”

He leaned over you and pressed his lips gently on yours. You wanted more, and tried to deepen the kiss, but he wouldn’t let you. 

When you went to curl your hand in his hair, you let out a gasp of pain.

“ _Shit_.” You couldn’t move your left arm an inch without immense pain.

“I told you, Clara.” He said condescendingly.

You pouted. “You don’t want me?” 

“You know I do.” He said huskily. “But not like this. Not when it’s my fault you’re so hurt. I don’t deserve you.”

“I don’t blame you, Troy.” You carefully raised your good hand to cup his cheek.

He shook his head. “Maybe you should.”

You didn’t know how to reply.

“Clara, there’s one more thing I need to tell you. Because I promised I wouldn’t keep anything from you.”

Your heart started to race. “What is it?”

“Walker didn’t kill the Trimbol's.” Your heart started thumping in your chest. “I-I did.” He sounded ashamed.

Your hand fell from his face. “Oh my god, Troy.” You whispered. You were horrified. “Mike was your friend!”

“I know, _I know_. I think that’s what set me off. He was my friend, and he just left me, Clara. After everything, he left me. He betrayed me and I went out of my mind.” Silence. “I’m sorry.”

You let out a long, heavy sigh. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”

He nodded.

“Can you bring me some food? I’m starving.”

“Yeah.” He got up and left.

When the door closed, you let the tears fall freely and then wiped them away shakily before Troy could return.

Normally, you weren’t very good at telling how much time passed. But you knew too much time was going by, and Troy had not yet returned.

You really were hungry, but that wasn’t why you were worried that he hadn’t come back. What if Nick told Madison or Walker about what really happened to the ranch? If they knew the herd existed because of Troy, they would kill him.

You knew you needed to rest, but you wanted to go look for Troy. Not that you knew where you were or how you would find him.

It killed you, but you just waited. Despite your fatigue, you didn’t close your eyes. Not until he came back. Which wasn’t until much later.

He froze in his tracks when he saw you, sitting against the wall, wide awake. He was carrying something. It was his shirt, covered in blood.

“What the fuck, Troy. Where were you? I was starting to think something happened to you!” you said in an accusatory tone. “Are you okay?!”

He blinked slowly. “It’s not my blood.” Was all he said.

He slowly stepped forwards and it didn’t look like he was steady on his feet.

“Oh, my god.” You said. “Are you _drunk_?”

He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

You furrowed your brow. You were confused by his answer. “Where were you?”

“I was out,” he started, averting his eyes from yours, “with Nick.”

You raised an eyebrow. “You were out with _Nick_?” you repeated crossly. “You mean the asshole who shot me?!”

“He’s not going to hurt you again.” His eyes focused on yours. “He’s not going to do anything to hurt us. I made sure of that tonight.” He sounded more like himself.

“By what, getting shitfaced and roaming around while your girlfriend – who was just shot by the guy you’re hanging around with – worries sick about you?”

“I’m sorry. I was eating, and Nick came up to me and he was high. He wanted some company and I saw an opportunity. He feels bad about killing my father, and we _bonded_ ,” he said sarcastically, “in the only way Nick probably can. When he’s high.”

You said nothing.

Troy walked over to you. He sat down heavily and surprised you by placing his head in your lap. He stared up at you, and you noticed how dilated his pupils were. He took your good hand. “I’m sorry, Clara. I didn’t mean to worry you.” He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it.

You pulled your hand out of his, but didn’t reply.

Troy sighed. “I won’t hang out with Nick again. Trust me, I didn’t want to. I wished I had my knife, so I could drive it through his skull for what he did to you. For what he threatened to do to me. But now I know he’s not going to bother us anymore. Once you’re better, we can really go back to the outpost. Just you and me.”

More silence.

“I love you, Clara.” Troy said softly.

You sighed and gave in, combing your fingers through his hair. “Please don’t do that again.” You said tiredly.

“I swear, I won’t.” he said genuinely. “You are everything to me.”

You bit your lip. You weren’t so sure.

“You are.” Troy said more firmly. He must have seen your doubt in your eyes. “I love you so much.”

“Actions speak louder than words, Troy.” You murmured. 

He hesitated for a moment, but then the next moment his head was off your lap and his lips were on yours. Troy kissed you fiercely and you let out a little moan against your will to stay quiet.

He pushed you down, twisting you so that you lay on your back, your uninjured shoulder pressed against the wall.

His fingers were on the button of your jeans, flicking it open. 

“Actions speak louder than words?” he unzipped your fly and dragged your jeans down your legs. “You think I don't want you?” he pulled off your boots. “I’ll just have to show you, then.” He removed your pants and dragged his hands back up your legs.

“Troy,” you began to protest, but he pulled down your panties and the cool air hit your wet folds, making you gasp sharply.

He threw your right leg over his shoulder, and wrapped his hand around your left thigh, pushing it out and causing your knee to bend so he could access your core. 

When his tongue traced up your slit, you let out a long moan. He lapped slowly at your folds, before he moved up to your clit. He fluttered his tongue up and down the swollen flesh, his eyes locked on yours. You let out a shriek when he pushed two fingers inside you, your head rolling back onto the ground. 

His fingers fucked you slowly, and his tongue moved over your clit with long strokes. He would pause to lap your arousal into his mouth, teasing your clit with his fingers, before he switched back

When Troy felt your hips pushing against his face, he fucked you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck,” you moaned, fisting his curls in your hand.

Troy sucked your clit into his mouth, and you felt your walls start to flutter around his fingers. You let out a string of pleasured sounds as you came. His tongue licked you clean, before he finally relented.

Your chest rose and fell quickly as you tried to come down from the high of that intense orgasm. You untangled your fingers from his hair so that you could brush your hair off your forehead, and swipe away the sweat. 

Troy sat up and you watched him suck his fingers into his mouth. You bit your lip. He knew how much it turned you on, and that fact turned you on even more.

“Still don’t believe me?” He asked.

You raised your eyebrow challengingly. “I think I need you to show me a little more.” You bit your lip, and reached your hand out to cup his cheek as he leaned over you again to capture your lips with his.

“Always so needy,” he murmured against your mouth. He started to undo his pants. “But I can’t even wait long enough to make you beg for me. I need to be inside you _right now_.”

He guided himself through your folds, and you moaned when you felt his head pushing past your entrance.

It wasn’t slow, instead more rushed, and passionate. He was gentle enough to not make you uncomfortable with your shoulder, but he knew how to make you feel good under any circumstance After you came, he pulled out with a groan. He wrapped his hand around himself, bringing himself to the edge. Then he wiped his hand on his old, discarded shirt, before he tucked himself back in his pants. 

You lay quietly as he gently put your panties back on, and then your jeans. You watched his face carefully as he pulled you back onto the thin mattress you were laying on earlier.

He stared right in your eyes. “I do the things I do because I’m trying to do what’s best for us. I don’t do things with the intention of hurting you.”

You didn’t really know what to say. It made you feel better to hear him say that, but you were still kind of upset about him letting Nick put him under the influence. “I don’t like what’s been going on the last few days. I don’t like feeling the way I have, Troy.”

He nodded. “I understand. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like that.”

“I just needed you to know that.” You said quietly. “I can’t keep waiting for changes that will never happen, Troy.”

“I won’t pull shit like this again. I felt like I wasn’t in control. Things are going to be different once we get away from everyone else.”

You nodded but lowered your eyes. He put his hand under your chin, tilting it back up so you would meet his eyes. “I love you.” He said tenderly. “And I’m sorry I never brought you any food.”

“You should be.” You said, pushing at his chest. “I’m feeling a little better, so why don’t we get something to eat now?”

He nodded and dropped his hand from your chin, but you caught it and gave it a squeeze. “I love you, too, Troy.”

He gave you that boyish grin of his, making your heart clench just as it always did.


	6. The Two of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait. I'm in exams right now. Enjoy, please leave me a comment. :)

Troy made you see the doctor that was at the trading center, but he said that you had been patched up pretty well, all he gave you were some pain killers and a sling to keep your arm from moving. 

Now you were just eating food. Troy seemed a little on edge, but you reached across the table and cupped his cheek. His eyes met yours and you smiled gently at him. He gave you a tight-lipped smile, and you tapped his chin with your thumb softly before you dropped your hand. 

Just as you were finishing your food, Madison came over to you and let you know that Ofelia died, but her father offered for them to stay at the dam. Troy looked to you, letting you decide for the two of you. 

“That’s a nice offer, but I think we’ll stay here. I should stay a little longer until my shoulder has healed some more, just because they have a doctor. Thank you, though, Madison.” You gave a sweet smile, and she nodded before she left.

Troy was staring at you. It looked like he was fighting a smile.

“What?” You asked, picking up the last bite of your food.

He picked up his cup and raised it to his lips. “Nothing.”

You swallowed your food, tilting your head. “I know it’s not nothing. Tell me.”

He licked his bottom lip, setting his cup down. “I’m really glad that it’s just going to be the two of us soon. No one to bother us.”

You smiled. “I’m glad, too. It’ll be good for us. Not having to deal with other people’s problems…”

“Just our own.” He said, his voice changing. His eyes were hard. You furrowed your brow. “I’m your problem.”

You shook you head. “No, you’re not.”

“Clara, you’ve almost died _twice_ because of me.”

“It’s not your fault that Nick shot me.”

“The circumstance was my fault.”

You took a moment to respond. “I told you to stop blaming yourself.”

“I can’t help it. I don’t deserve you.” He said. “You’ve been so good to me. I don’t deserve it.”

You held his heated gaze. “Maybe you don’t.” you said. He raised his eyebrows in surprise, not expecting you to say that. “But I chose to be with you, Troy. You should know that I’m going to be by your side no matter what, okay?”

He didn’t say anything, so you leaned across the table, so your face was close to his. 

“I love you.” You said, before slowly closing your lips over his. 

He sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, and his hand came up to cradle your jaw. You pulled away, but not before giving him one last peck. 

“I love you, too.” He said. His eyes were so blue, it made your insides warm.

You didn’t move to sit back in your chair. You gazed down at his lips, and licked your own subconsciously. “Are you done eating?”

“I am now.” He whispered back, glancing at your lips.

You bit your lip, grinning, while you stood up. Troy reached for your right hand as he stood, and guided you back to the little room you were staying in. 

It looked like it used to be a horse stable, but it had an electric light and there was a sink somewhere down the hall, so you didn’t care.

You cared even less as Troy pushed you up against the door, as gently as he could. He almost pressed his lips to yours, making you lean forward but he tilted his head back, teasing you.

“Troy,” you whined.

“What?” he asked, looking down at you.

Instead of pleading for him to kiss you, you fisted his shirt in your hand and pushed him away from you, then turned him around so his back was against the wall.

You stepped right up to him smoothed your hand over his pec. You stared into his eyes and stood on your toes to kiss him, but when he leaned forwards to meet your lips, you turned your head. 

He let out a chuckle as you trailed your lips over his jaw instead. 

“What's so funny?” you said, before you traced his ear lobe with your tongue.

He trailed his hands up your ass and rested them on your waist. He squeezed your waist gently and you let out a pathetic gasp.

You looked back at his face. He had one eyebrow raised. “Nothing.”

“Are you laughing at me?” you pouted.

“Never.” He shook his head. He placed his hand under your chin. “Come here.”

You stood on your toes and finally, you kissed. You felt him sigh under your hand, deep in his chest.

The kiss was slow and sensual, and you felt like you had all the time in the world. You slowly pushed his shirt up his chest, wishing you had your other hand to trail your fingers over his exposed skin. 

He let go of your waist, so he could pull his shirt over his head. You ran your hand over his chest. 

“I love feeling you touch me.” He whispered. You pressed forward and trailed your lips over his collar bone, running your hand up into the hair at the back of his neck. 

“I love touching you.” You whispered back before you kissed him again. You scratched his scalp lightly before dragging your nails down his neck, shoulder and back. Troy let out a moan against your lips. You smoothed your fingers over his skin.

He delicately framed your face with both hands and you smiled into the kiss. You wanted to savour the moment, but you were starting to feel yourself growing needy. You trailed your hand down his stomach and tucked your fingers into his waistband.

You felt his breathing hitch, and you flicked open the button on his cargo pants. You were just about to pull down his fly when there was a banging on the door, causing you to gasp and pull away from Troy.

He was looking down at you, and you could tell that he was unhappy with the interruption. 

“Troy, you in there?” It sounded like Nick.

You raised your eyebrow at Troy and tilted your head. Now you were just as unhappy as him. Probably even more.

Troy cursed under his breath. He put his hands on your hips and moved you away from the door. His hands slid up to your waist and he squeezed lightly before he let you go. “I’ll get rid of him.”

“You better,” you whispered. You reached out and poked his chest.

Troy blew out a pent-up breath before he turned an opened the door.

“What’s up, Nick?”

Before he responded, Nick’s eyes found yours. You tried to keep a neutral face, but you were finding it difficult. You wanted to punch him.

“My mom and Victor are getting ready to go to the dam.”

Victor. That must have been the man you didn’t recognize at the ranch.

“My mom told me that you and Clara are staying here?” Nick asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Troy said bluntly. “Just until her shoulder is a little better.”

Nick bobbed his head. “Where are you gonna go after that? The ranch is overrun.”

You stepped forward and put your good arm around Troy’s waist. “We’ll find something, somewhere, I’m sure.” You said with a tight smile.

“You guys can always come to the dam once you’re better, Clara.” Nick said.

“We’ll keep that in mind.” You ran your hand over Troy’s back, and looked at him. “Won’t we, baby?”

Troy just nodded.

Nick looked back and forth between the two of you. He had to have known he interrupted something. “Well, I was thinking of hanging back for a little while, too. This place is pretty fun, wouldn’t you say, Troy?”

You couldn’t stop your eyes from narrowing.

Troy shrugged. “It’ll get old, Nick. It’ll get old fast.” He said firmly.

Now it was Nick’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know about that.”

An awkward silence formed. 

You cleared your throat. “Well, Nick, maybe we’ll see you around.”

“You definitely will.” He said. He glanced back at Troy and raised one eyebrow, before he finally turned and left.

You reached past Troy to grab the door, and pushed it closed. You looked at the old wood before you turned your head to look at Troy.

“You know I’m not going to hang out with him.” Troy said.

You rubbed your lips together before you replied. “I know. And sorry, pal, but that totally just killed the mood for me.”

Troy smirked. “Yeah, me too.” He bent down and picked up his shirt.

You walked away from the door and sat down on the thin mattress. “Come here,” you said, patting the spot beside you.

He pulled on his shirt, came over and sat down. You slipped your right hand into his left.

“I’m sorry I got so mad at you for… being under the influence yesterday.” You said quietly.

Troy shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize. I told you I didn’t do that stuff, but then I did it. And honestly, wish I hadn’t. I didn’t like it. I thought it would be different. When you’re drunk, you’re so happy. You’re all… giggly. It’s cute.”

You leaned your cheek on his shoulder.

“But I didn’t feel happy.” You turned your head to look at his face. He was staring straight ahead. “I wasn’t in control. I felt... _fear_.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you just squeezed his hand.

“And I don’t like feeling that.”

“I don’t think anyone does.” You said carefully.

“And I don’t want you to be afraid of _me_.”

You looked down at your lap. He only scared you when he was blatantly lying to your face and sending hundreds of Infected to kill dozens of innocent people. “As long as you really are trying to change, then you won’t scare me, Troy.” You kept your eyes downcast.

“I want to change. For you. I really do.”

You glanced back up at him. “I know you do.”

His eyes pierced yours. “God, I wish I could give you everything. I wish I didn’t make your life so hard.”

“I don’t need everything when I’ve got you.” You said tenderly.

Troy cupped your cheek and leaned down to kiss you softly.

You kissed the corner of his mouth after he pulled away, and then rested your head on his shoulder again.

As Troy stroked the back of your hand with his thumb, you thought about what he had said. And it really made you hope that things were going to change.

*

That night, Nick came by to see if Troy wanted to “go out” again, but he rejected him swiftly, saying he’d rather spend the night with his girl.

That made you smile. A lot.

When he came back and sat down next to you, you climbed onto his lap. You pressed your lips against his briefly, before you pulled back and looked at him. You tapped his chin.

“I like hearing you call me your girl.” You murmured. 

Troy leaned his head against the wall, holding your gaze heatedly. “Oh, yeah?”

You trailed your fingers down his chest, and bit your lip. You nodded slowly.

“What else does my girl like?” he asked with one eyebrow raised.

You grabbed his wrist, bringing his hand to your hip. You dragged it up your body slowly. “I like being touched like this.” You said, and rested his hand over your breast. He gave it a gentle squeeze and you let out a sigh.

“What else?”

You knew he already knew, but his innocent face yet dark eyes were drawing arousal out of your core.

You tapped the skin under your ear, beside your jaw. “I like being kissed right here.”

Troy reached his free hand out and tilted your head, then leaned forward to do so. He placed an open-mouthed kiss there, and then his tongue trailed lightly over the skin. Your eyes closed in bliss, and your hand ran up to the back of his head. When he bit your neck gently, your hand curled in his hair. Your hips bucked over his.

He kissed a path up your jaw and to your lips. “I like calling you my girl.” He purred. “Because that’s who you are, isn’t it?” His hand began to massage your breast.

You nodded, but that’s not what he wanted. 

“Say it.” He said firmly. His gaze on yours was intense.

“I’m your girl, Troy,” you hummed.

“Good.” He said, before he crushed his lips to yours. 

You moaned against his lips, and moaned again when he squeezed your ass. You rocked your hips against him, starting to feel him stiffen between you. 

Your hand moved to the collar of his shirt and you tugged at it. Troy took his hands off you so that he could pull it over his head. He dropped it on the ground and you pressed the flat of your palm over his chest, so you could feel his heart beating.

“It belongs to you.” Troy said. Your eyes moved from his chest and focused on his. “My heart is yours, Clara.” He said seriously.

Troy didn’t often say things like that, but when he did, it made you feel so warm inside. You grabbed his hand again and brought it to your own heart, as best you could with the sling you were wearing. “Mine belongs to you.”

He cupped the back of your neck and brought your face to his, so he could give you a searing kiss. You let him ravage your mouth for a couple minutes before you released his hand, which was still against your chest, and undid his pants for the second time that day. Hopefully, you wouldn’t be interrupted this time.

You could tell that Troy was thinking the same thing when he brought his fingers to the button of your jeans hurriedly.

You dragged his zipper down slowly. “How do you want me?” you asked, panting from the intensity of his kiss.

His eyes were dark with lust. “Under me.” He breathed out. 

Troy placed one hand behind your neck and the other at the small of your back and slowly laid you onto your back, his eyes gazing deep into yours. “I want to _worship_ you. Your body gives me life.” Your heart started beating faster, and you felt a flush creep up your chest.

You pressed your lips to his and shivered when his tongue pressed against yours. His lips drew away from yours slowly, and you bit your lip when he started to pull off your boots. He had already undone your pants, and he pulled them off gently. 

You couldn’t stop your brow from furrowing when he didn’t take off your panties but lowered himself down so his face was in front of your core. You let out a gasp when he nuzzled you over your underwear. You could feel how wet you were.

“I love your scent.” Troy said. You couldn’t think of a response as he dragged his teeth over your clit.

“You know what I love even more?” he asked after he pressed a kiss to your center. “Your taste.”

And with that, he nudged the crotch of your panties aside and trailed his tongue over your folds.

“Oh, Troy.” You moaned.

A couple moments later, Troy finally dragged the soaked fabric down your legs, so he could have full access to your core.

His fingers touched your clit, but he never fucked you with them. He saved that job for his tongue.

You buried your hand in his hair, delirious with pleasure. You’d never felt his tongue so deep inside you. He was devouring you.

With his tongue sliding in and out of your entrance, his fingers pressed against your clit with alternating pressures. He would rub the hardened nub in circles, trace his fingers up and down it, flutter them over it back and forth. When he would pinch it, you thought you saw stars.

By the second time he made you come, you felt like you were floating.

The sound of Troy calling your name brought you back to earth.

“Clara.”

“Huh?” you panted. You reached your hand out blindly, trying to cup his cheek. You felt so out of it.

You heard him chuckle. He took your wrist and kissed your palm.

You shrieked at the moisture of his mouth against your skin, pulling your hand out of his grasp. Troy laughed even more. He crawled up your body and pressed his lips against yours. 

You shrieked again and pushed at his chest. “Troy! Wipe your mouth!” You let out a laugh, unable to stop it when you saw the grin on his face. 

“You don’t like your own taste?” he asked, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he swiped his thumb across your lips.

“Not as much as you do, apparently.” You were still trying to catch your breath.

He dragged that glorious tongue of his over his thumb. “Mm, I love it. Can I kiss you now?” he asked.

You nodded your head. You smiled against Troy's lips before you reciprocated his kiss.

“Are you good?” he murmured against your lips.

You nodded again. 

Troy began to pull off his pants, paused to give you something, and continued.

It was a condom. 

You looked at him and raised an eyebrow. You opened the foil package. “When did you get this?” 

“After dinner. I’ve been thinking about you all day. I want to feel us together at the same time, I want to feel your walls pulsing around me as I cum inside you.”

You felt your cheeks heat. You handed him the condom and he rolled it down his shaft.

He leaned back over you and hooked your left leg under his elbow. 

He gazed into your eyes. “Are you ready, baby?”

You nodded, and he kissed you, then guided himself through your folds and pushed past your entrance.

You let out a little whimper at the intrusion, and Troy began to suck on your neck as he thrust inside you.

He was hitting you hard and deep, and it felt so good.

“Did you like having my tongue inside you?” he whispered in your ear heatedly.

“Yes,” you gasped.

“Did you like coming against my face?”

You let out a moan when he hit the back of you. You nodded. “I did.”

He was driving into you slowly, and you knew he was starting to build his own release when his pace picked up.

“I want you to come with me, baby. I want to feel your walls fluttering against me when I come.”

“I’m-I'm close, Troy.” You exhaled, squeezing your eyes shut.

He pushed your hair out of your face. “Look at me.” He demanded.

You opened your eyes and looked into his.

“I love you.” His mouth was against yours before you could say it back, his tongue drawing yours in for a dance. You were feeling your stomach starting to twist with pleasure. Tension began building in your body, begging to be released. Your muscles were starting to quiver.

His fingers were against your clit suddenly, and the tension snapped. You tilted your head back let out a sharp cry as you came, and you felt Troy pulsing inside you as he came with you. He let out a deep groan against your neck. He thrusted shallowly inside you, enhancing your orgasm while he filled the condom.

When he made a move to pull away, you wrapped your legs around his back, keeping him in place. You pushed your fingers into his hair, and pulled his face down to yours for a kiss. 

“I love you, too.” You whispered when you pulled away. “We’ve never… that was amazing.”

He grinned down at you. “Yes, it was.” He kissed you again. “Will you let me go?”

You bit your lip, grinning. “I don’t want to.” You played with his ear lobe. You repeated his words in a whisper. “Your body gives me life.”

He chuckled at you, and dropped his head to kiss you soundly. “Let me go. I want to get this condom off.”

“Okay,” you relented, dropping your legs from around his waist. You made a sound when he slipped out of you. He kissed the corner of your mouth before he sat up. You waited for him to get dressed, and then he put your panties and pants back on.

You wished you could take a shower, but that wasn’t really an option. 

“Thank you,” you whispered when he closed the button on your pants.

“You’re welcome.” He said softly.

“I’m tired,” you said to him.

“I don’t think I’m sorry about that.” He smirked. You swatted at him, and he laughed. “Turn on your side.”

You did as he said, and then he lay down behind you, spooning your back. He slipped his arm under your neck.

“Your arm’s going to fall asleep.” You said.

“You don’t have a pillow.” He said simply.

You smiled, and wished you could hold his hand with your left. You couldn’t wait until your arm was healed.

You felt yourself drift off, and you were sleeping peacefully until knocking at the door woke you up. Troy inhaled groggily behind you.

“Troy? Troy, open up!”

You thought you heard Troy growl behind you. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he breathed.

He pulled his arm out from under your head gently. “Stay here. Don’t move a muscle.”

“Okay.” You whispered.

Troy got up and unlocked the door. You couldn’t see the door from the way you were lying, but you heard it open.

“What do you want, Nick?” he sounded irritated.

“Where you been, man?” Nick asked. You could tell that he was drunk.

“I told you, I wasn’t doing this.”

“Why not? Did Clara get mad at you about last night?”

“Don’t talk about her.” Troy’s voice was hard.

“Aw, come on, Troy. We had so much fun, don’t you remember?”

“I didn’t have nearly as much fun as you apparently did.”

“I just want you to lay back, Troy. You don’t have to worry about the ranch, you’re not in charge anymore.”

There was some rustling, as if they were fighting. You heard someone being slammed into the wall, and you sat up to look at what was going on.

Troy had Nick pinned against the wall, his collar in his fists. “Fuck off, Nick.” He hissed. “Get a clue, man. Leave us alone. You should have gone with your mother, or left like your sister.” He spat.

Nick nodded slowly, his tongue wetting his bottom lip. “Alright.” He pushed Troy away from him. “Bye, Clara.” He said, making eye contact with you. And then he walked out of the room. 

Troy closed and bolted the door after him. He rubbed his forehead before he turned to you.

“Are you okay?” you asked. 

“I’m fine. I’m sorry. I don’t know what his problem is.”

Troy walked back over to you and lay down, pulling you back into his arms. 

“I wish he would just go away.” You whispered.

“I do, too.” He sighed. “If he tries that again, I’m going to hurt him. I’m going to hurt him _bad_.”

You didn’t respond.

“Just go back to sleep, okay?" Troy sighed. "Don’t let it bother you.”

“As long as you don’t let it bother _you_.” You said.

“I won’t.” He pressed a chaste kiss to the spot behind your ear. “Go back to sleep.”

It took you a while, and you could feel Troy’s heart beating more strongly than usual against your back, but you eventually fell asleep.


	7. Whatever It Takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone!  
> hope you enjoy this chapter :)  
> would love to hear from you!

You and Troy stayed at the trading center for about another week and a half, and then the doctor said that if you kept it clean and didn’t try to use your arm too much for a while that you’d probably be fine. You got to keep the sling, and he told you to wear it for another couple weeks until you felt like you could move your arm without it hurting too much.

You hadn’t seen much of Nick, but you knew that he was still at the trading center. He hadn’t bothered you and Troy since that one night, and you were glad. You knew that Troy would try to hurt him if he did.

It’s not that you minded if Nick got hurt, but you didn’t want Troy to head down a violent path. Not when he said he wanted to change.

Madison had left you with the truck, which you were grateful for. You still didn’t know exactly where you were, but Troy did. He said that it would only take you a few hours to get back to the outpost.

You were excited to get back to the cozy little house, and to get to change your clothes. To take a bath. To finally have some real privacy. 

Before you left, you tried convincing Troy to get a haircut at the trading center.

“No way.” He said. “The only person I’d trust with anything sharp near my head is you.”

“I don’t know how to cut hair. Especially not yours. And definitely not with only one hand.”

“If you want me to get a hair cut, you’ll just have to do it yourself.” He said smugly. 

You thought about this on the way back to the outpost as you played with his hair while he drove. You weren’t wearing a seatbelt, and you had your knees drawn up to your chest and were sitting in the middle of the seat rather than in the passenger’s side. 

You were worried that the horde would be blocking your path, but Troy assured you that they had moved on by now.

He was right, of course, and you covered his mouth with your hand when he smirked at you when you saw that the road was clear. He nipped at your hand and you giggled and pulled it away.

You made a point of not looking at the ranch, but you heard Troy suck his teeth when it disappeared in the rear-view mirror. The rest of the drive was quiet.

When you reached the outpost, it was almost sunset. Troy got out of the truck, and you handed him the bag with your weapons and some bottled water and food. He took it and then held his other hand out to help you down from the truck.

You didn’t release his hand yet. “Will you take a bath with me?” You asked shyly.

“Absolutely.” He said devotedly.

You grinned and kicked the door of the truck shut with the heel of your boot. He led you into the house, tossed the bag on the dresser and pulled you into the bathroom. He turned on the water and started to fill up the tub.

You gently took the sling off your shoulder. It still hurt and felt stiff, and Troy must have noticed the pain on your face.

“Are you okay? Let me help you.” He gently took the bottom of your shirt and lifted it up. You pulled your right arm out first, and Troy pulled it over your head and then very gently off your left arm.

You let out a deep breath when it was off. “Thank you,” you breathed.

“You’re welcome. We should probably leave the bandage on for now. You just got it changed this morning.”

You nodded in reply. 

Troy sighed. “I’m so sorry. I hate seeing you hurt, baby.”

You sighed, too. “I’m okay. Or I will be, anyway.”

Troy cupped your cheek and leaned down to kiss you tenderly. Then he let you go so he could turn off the water.

You finished undressing and got into the tub after Troy, leaning your back against his chest.

You let out a deep sigh and Troy wrapped his arms loosely around your stomach.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” You said, closing your eyes.

Troy let out a chuckle. “Which part?”

You reached behind you to cup the back of his neck and craned your neck to kiss his jaw. “All of it.” You whispered.

He pressed a kiss to your temple. “Me too.”

You let yourself relax against Troy for good few moments. Then you asked him to wash your hair. 

“I love your hair.” He murmured. His eyes were fixed on his task.

You gazed into his eyes dreamily. “Oh yeah?”

“Mm hmm. I love the way it flows down your back. I love wrapping it around my hand.” He did just that, and you let out a pleasured gasp. He let it go just as quickly, and his eyes shifted to yours.

You felt your cheeks heat.

Troy gave you that boyish grin and your blush deepened.

He finished washing your hair and then carefully rinsed it out, trying to keep your bandages dry. When he was done, you took the soap and poured it directly on his head.

“I might not be able to wash all of it.” You said.

“I don’t mind.”

Troy sat quietly as you washed his hair as best you could with your one hand, but you had to give up because your arm got too tired.

He finished and rinsed it out, and then took the washcloth. He told you to turn around and then he began to run it over your skin. He went gently around the edges of the bandages, down your neck and back. This time, when his hand snuck between your legs, you didn’t stop him.

You leaned against him heavily, biting your lip as he ditched the washcloth and trailed his fingers over your folds. You bent your knee to open yourself up for him.

Troy pressed kisses to your neck and your ear as he started sliding his fingers in and out of you. Your breathing started to hitch, and you let out a little whimper when he brought his other hand around to rub your clit.

At this angle, his fingers were only shallowly thrusting inside you. It wasn’t deep enough.

You grabbed his hand suddenly and pulled it away from your center. You looked back at him and he looked concerned, as if he had done something wrong. 

You shook your head and leaned forward to kiss him. “I need you deeper. I need you inside me.” You explained.

You kissed him once more, touching your tongue to his briefly before you pulled away. 

You stood carefully and dried off, Troy quickly following suit, and then he scooped you up and you let out a shriek of delight.

You both grinned into the kiss, and then your tongues took over. He lay you on your back on the bed, but you pushed at his shoulder so he’d lie down.

“I want to ride you,” you whispered, as you sat up and swung one of your legs over his hips.

“Fuck, you’re so sexy,” he said throatily as you took his erection in your hand and guided it through your folds. 

You moaned as you lowered yourself down onto him and felt him stretching your opening, snug against your walls. You hadn’t had sex since that night Nick bothered you, and it felt so good to be with Troy again.

You flattened your palm against his stomach and began to raise your hips and drop them back down. Troy sat up after a few minutes, and ran his hand up your back. You were finally having sex without your shirt on, and he ducked his head to eagerly suck your nipple into his mouth. 

You moaned as you bounced on top of him, his tongue swirling around your nipple before he moved to the other one. He massaged your breasts as his mouth pulled your nipples into tight peaks.

You held onto his shoulder and rocked your hips against his. Your mouths drew together, and your tongues twined around each other.

Troy wrapped the wet strands of your long hair around his hand and pulled lightly. You gasped in pleasure, his tugging on your hair causing a pulse of heat down between your legs.

He licked a path down your neck, and biting and sucking at your skin, leaving new bruises to replace the ones that were fading. You were finding it hard to keep your rhythm. Troy noticed this, and gently flipped you over, not slipping out of you, and braced his forearm beside your head. He took your right leg and pulled it so it was resting over his shoulder.

You moaned as the angle changed. He felt so good.

“Am I deep enough for you now?” he whispered in a sultry voice.

Your eyes were screwed shut, and you nodded vehemently.

“Mm,” he sighed. “I love being so deep inside you. You’re so tight around me. Sometimes when I look at you, all I can think about is burying myself as deep as I can inside you.”

“Fuck, Troy,” you whined. You opened your eyes. “I’m-I’m almost there.”

“Do you want to come around me?” he whispered in your ear, as he started to increase the pace and force of his thrusts.

“Yes,” you replied breathily. “Please…”

He kissed your neck. “Please, what?”

“Please make me come.” You begged in a small voice. He brought his head back up to look you in the eyes. His were so intense, pupils dilated with lust. He squeezed your thigh.

“I will, baby. I always take care of you, don’t I?” His voice was so soft.

“You do,” you agreed, nodding your head again. “Oh, I’m so close. You feel so good, Troy.” You cried.

“So do you.” He groaned. He let go of your leg and started to rub your clit. Your back arched and you felt your muscles start to twitch.

“Fuck,” you cried out, closing your eyes as you felt Troy bringing you closer to the edge of your orgasm. “Don’t stop!”

“Are you going to come for me, Clara? Come on baby, I want to feel you gush all around me.”

“Oh,” you moaned. “I’m coming!” your walls started to spasm around him, a wave of wetness flooding inside you, making Troy glide in and out of you with ease.

“Oh yeah, baby.” Troy said. You watched his eyes close as he savoured the feeling of your walls pulsing around him. He pulled out suddenly, making you whine, but he was coming on your stomach in a matter of seconds.

He carefully placed your leg down on to the bed and you groaned at the stiffness. His forehead dropped against yours and the rate of his breathing matched yours. Heavy, fast, desperate to fill your lungs. You trailed your hand up his back and into his wet hair, curling it in your fingers.

“Fuck, I don’t think I can _walk_.” You said between pants.

Troy’s eyes narrowed. “Did I hurt you?” he asked seriously. 

You shook your head. “No, Troy.” His eyes searched yours.

When you spoke again, your tone matched his. “If you were hurting me, I would have told you.”

“Do you promise?” 

“ _Yes_. You’ve never hurt me during sex. I honestly don’t think you ever will.” You stroked his cheek with your thumb. “You know what I like, baby.”

He kissed you tenderly in response.

“I love you, Troy.” You purred when he pulled away.

“I love you, too.” He kissed you again before he said, “Let me clean you up.”

You let him go and he got up. He went to the bathroom and returned with a washcloth. Troy gently wiped between your legs and then your stomach. He went back to the bathroom and came back wearing his boxers and carrying your sling. He went over to your backpack and pulled out one of your shirts and a pair of underwear for you. 

You took your panties but not the shirt. “I want one of yours.” You said demurely. 

The corner of his mouth tilted in a smile and he shook his head with a chuckle. You slid your panties on as he retrieved one of his shirts for you. 

He came back with an olive-green t shirt and you sat up so he could help you put it on. When it was on, he kissed you swiftly.

You giggled at him and he helped you get your sling on.

“Thank you.” You smiled.

“You’re welcome, baby.” He said.

“Lay with me,” you said, tugging at his hand.

Your ribs were feeling better and you lay on your right side so Troy could spoon your back. He wrapped his arm around your stomach and pulled your body against his. He nuzzled your neck and exhaled against your skin, raising goosebumps there.

Your eyes were starting to drift shut, but then Troy spoke. “I want to go to the ranch tomorrow.”

“What? Why?” you asked sleepily.

“Because we need supplies. We won't last long with what we have.” He said simply.

“That's the only reason?” you asked, trying not to sound too skeptical.

His voice grew softer. “I want to bury Jake with my father.”

Your heart broke. You entwined your fingers with his. “Okay. We can go tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” He whispered. He kissed your hair. “Good night, Clara.”

You snuggled deeper against him and let your eyes drift shut. “Good night.”

*

You woke up to Troy pressing light kisses to the nape of your neck. You let out a deep sigh and turned your face into the pillow. You felt a little tender between your legs, but it wasn’t too sore. Troy wrapped his arm around you tighter and you pressed your butt into his groin. 

He let out a chuckle, nuzzling your hair. “Not today.”

You pressed against him harder, wiggling your butt, and he bit your ear. “Maybe tomorrow. But we have to go to the ranch today. I want as much light as possible. We need to get everything we can.”

You relented and opened your eyes. “Okay.”

“It’s already ten thirty.”

“Sorry. You know how sleepy I get after you fuck me like that.” You said honestly.

He kissed your cheek. “Sorry to tire you out, baby.”

You turned your head and looked into his bright eyes. “No need to apologize.” You smiled. 

He gave you a sweet smile and rubbed his hand over your hip before he got out of bed. He pulled on his pants, and a grey t shirt. You rolled onto your back and stretched, and then got out of bed too. You pulled on your leggings, and then realized you were going to need Troy's help.

“Troy…” you called out timidly.

“Yeah?”

“I need help getting dressed.” You said sheepishly.

He took the sling off your arm and lifted your shirt. He helped you put on your bra, and he kissed your cheek when he saw your blush. He pulled his shirt back over your head when you indicated that you still wanted to wear it. He helped you get the sling back on.

“Thank you.” You said, looking at him meekly. 

He took your face in both his hands and kissed you tenderly. “You’re welcome.” Then he released you and went to the kitchen.

You were sad that the jacket you stole from him got ruined when Nick shot you. It was your favourite one. You grinned to yourself as you thought of all the clothes you could take from Troy’s house today.

Troy had gone into the kitchen to make your breakfast, and you sat down at the table.

“There’s still going to be some roaming around. So, I don’t want you leaving my side, okay? You’ve only got one arm to use, and that’s not going to be good enough.”

“Okay.” You said.

“You can’t be out of my sight. Not even for a second.” His voice was stern.

“I won’t, Troy.” You said cautiously. “Trust me, I don’t want to.” You said firmly.

He handed you a plate and sat across from you. He placed his hand over yours. “I can’t see you get hurt,” he said, his voice softening.

“I won’t.” You squeezed his hand. “I’m not going to leave your side. I promise.”

He nodded and let your hand go. After you finished eating, you popped a pain killer in your mouth and swallowed it with some water.

Then you took a small bag and put some water in it. You put your knife in a holster and strapped it around your waist. You put the gun Jake gave you in your waistband.

Troy was waiting for you at the truck. “Are you ready?” 

You nodded and got in. He did as well, and started the engine. You were quiet as you drove to the ranch, slouched down in your seat. You could feel Troy's eyes on you every now and then, but he didn’t say anything.

When you got to the place where Jake died, Troy came to a stop quickly, jostling you in your seat.

“What the fuck?” Troy said. He was out of the truck so fast. 

You furrowed your brow and got out too. Troy’s hands were fisted in his hair.

“Troy?” you called out.

“He’s gone.” 

“What?”

Troy whipped around to look at you. “His body is gone.”

You looked around. There was no body anywhere. You shook your head in confusion. “Maybe the Infected dragged-”

Troy was shaking his head. “There'd be blood. And he'd already turned, so it wasn’t the dead.” He rubbed his hand over his mouth. You could see his body shaking with rage. “Somebody did this. A _human_ did this.”

“But… who would do that?” you were dumbfounded. 

“Who do you _think_?”

You shook your head. “Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know. To get to me.” Troy said. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He let out a frustrated sound. 

He was starting to worry you. You walked over to him. “Troy.”

He dropped his hands to his sides. “I can’t fucking deal with this,” he practically growled.

“You can, baby.” You rubbed his back. “I’m so sorry, but there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

Troy looked down at the ranch in the distance. He shook his head absently. “I wish there was.” He murmured.

You argued with yourself before you said what you did. But Nick had crossed a line. “If Nick finds us, we’ll just have to kill him.” 

Troy’s eyes flicked to yours. “You want to kill him?”

You shrugged. “If he’s going to fuck with us like this, then yeah. And for goddamn shooting me. Because I’m still pissed about that.”

Troy reached out for you and pulled you into his arms. “Are you sure you’re okay with me killing him?”

You didn’t hesitate before responding. “I am.”

You felt Troy exhale deeply. “Okay. If he comes back, I’m going to drag a blade across his throat.” 

It scared you a little bit that it _didn’t scare you_ to hear him say that.


	8. Mercy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been here since day one, you might notice something different in the tags...  
> I'm literally writing my own fantasy here, so we're officially away from canon and living my dream ;)  
> This chapter was thrilling to write. I hope you enjoy reading it. :)  
> Enjoy! xo

Troy drove slowly to the ranch, and straight to the pantry. You didn’t pass too many of the Infected on your way there. “From what Alicia said, there’s going to be a lot of them down here.”

You swallowed thickly. He looked over at you. “Maybe I should go alone.”

“No,” you said quickly. “I don’t want you going in without any back up.”

“Clara…” 

“I’m sure you could handle it, but I don’t feel good about it.” You said. You knew he probably thought you were going to end up being useless. “I’ve still got my right arm. My dominant one.”

Troy let out a deep sigh, scratching the back of his neck. “Let me just scope it out a bit and then I’ll come get you.”

“I thought you didn’t want me out of your sight? I thought you wanted me at your side at all times?”

“When we're out there, yeah. But I know you’ll be safe if you stay in the truck.”

“Fine.” You said, crossing your arm over your chest. Troy leaned over and kissed your cheek before he got out of the truck. He disappeared into the pantry. 

You heard something, and saw one of the dead approaching in the side mirror. You pulled your knife out of the sheath at your waist. You waited until it got past your door, and then you opened it forcefully and caused it to stumble. You hopped out of the truck and then you plunged your knife into it’s temple as it struggled to get up.

“Well, I guess I don’t really need to worry about you.” You heard from behind you.

You yanked your knife out and wiped the blade on its coat. Thankfully, you didn’t recognize the person he used to be. You turned around to face Troy. He had one eyebrow raised. You shrugged.

“How’s the pantry?” you asked.

“There’s… a lot. But we can take them.”

“Okay.” You walked over to him and followed him down into the pantry. There was an unpleasant odour, but you tried your best to ignore it. The lights were still on, and you saw still bodies laying on the ground before a few of the dead made their way over to you, gnashing their teeth. 

Your heart started beating rapidly as you prepared yourself. Troy moved quickly, bringing down two before you even got to one. 

The worst part was, you recognized these ones. And some of them were children. You ate meals with these people. You shared stories. You tried to ignore this as you drove your knife into their temples. One got a little too close, and you had to kick it away from you while you took down another one. Troy ended up having to kill it, before it could sink its teeth into your arm.

He gave you a fierce look before he went back to dropping bodies. He didn’t look like he had even broken a sweat. You, on the other hand, were absolutely exhausted. Your arm was starting to burn, and you were starting to have trouble catching your breath.

When there were no more in sight and you couldn’t hear any more, you collapsed onto your knees. You started to hyperventilate, manically wiping at the blood that had been sprayed onto your face in your efforts to stay alive.

“Hey, hey, hey,” you heard Troy say. He dropped to his knees beside you and took your face in his hands. Your body was shaking. “You’re okay, Clara. We’re okay.”

“But they’re not! All these people are dead, because of us!” you cried. “We couldn’t stop it, and now everyone’s dead.”

Troy gently brushed his fingers over your face, wiping away the blood, and the stray tears that had slid down your cheeks. “I’m sorry. But we’re alive, okay? That’s all we can focus on now. This is the end of the world, baby. It really is just you and me. And I’m never going to let anything happen to you.” He said coolly.

Your breathing started to even out, but your body was still shaking. You tried to nod for him. He leaned forwards to kiss you, but you found yourself unable to reciprocate. Troy stood and offered you his hand. You took it, and let him help you up. 

“We need to check if there are any more.” He said.

You didn’t let his hand go, instead, you gripped it tighter. “Okay.”

The two of you walked slowly throughout the pantry, Troy releasing your hand a couple times to kill some stray Infected, but other than that, it was all clear.

You and Troy began gathering supplies, and bringing them over to the door so you could load them in the truck later. You couldn’t carry anything too heavy, so Troy was stuck with the boxes of cans and drinks, while you took things like hygiene and medical supplies. You then moved to the weapons cage, and started to collect some ammo. Troy looked over the guns, and then grabbed a couple of them.

He inspected an automatic rifle. He looked at you, a grin on his face. “I can’t wait to teach you how to use one of these.”

You snorted. “Oh, yeah?”

He nodded his head, his tongue wetting his bottom lip. You laughed at the glint in his eye before you left to drop off the ammo at the door. There wasn't a lot.

When you were done stacking everything at the door, you and Troy went to sit in the truck to eat. 

“Did you want to go to the house after we’ve loaded the truck?” you asked.

Troy shrugged, swallowing his food. “Doesn’t matter.”

“Then you can get some clothes and maybe some soap?” Troy bobbed his head. You placed your hand on his thigh, leaning forward to whisper in his ear. “And I want one of your jackets.”

Troy chuckled. “I do like seeing you in my clothes.” He murmured. He kissed your lips gently. You beamed at him and he smiled back gently. 

When you were finished eating, you got to work on loading up the truck. You still couldn’t carry much, but Troy didn’t seem to mind. You had to kill a couple of the Infected while Troy had his hands full, but there weren’t too many wandering around.

When the truck was loaded, you and Troy drove up to the house. Troy hesitated before getting out of the truck. You took his hand as you made your way up the stairs. You went up to Troy’s room, and he sighed when he opened the door.

“You okay, baby?” you asked.

“I’m fine.” He said. “Come on, let’s get what we want.”

“Okay.” You went into the bathroom, taking the shampoo and conditioner that was in there, as well as some new towels. You grabbed the toothpaste, and your and Troy’s toothbrush. Even though you had your own tent, you didn’t really stay there after you started sleeping with Troy. Most nights, you ended up staying in his room. You even had a drawer full of clothes in his dresser.

When you came back out of the washroom, Troy was filling a bag with some clothes, both his and yours. You walked over to his closet and opened the door. You ran your hand over the shirts in there, and then you started looking for a jacket. You found one of his militia uniforms, and you pulled it out and put your right arm through the sleeve, and then let it drape over your left shoulder. 

When you turned around, Troy was staring at you. You did a little spin. “Does it look good on me?” you asked modestly.

Troy nodded, his eyes roaming over you possessively. “You could say that.”

You walked over to him, and tilted your face up to his. He leaned down to kiss you, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head.

He gazed down at you adoringly when he pulled away. “Do you have everything you want?”

You let him go and grabbed a second militia jacket. You smiled at him. “I do now.”

You went back outside and got in the truck. Before Troy put the truck in drive, you scooted over to him and took his face in your hand and kissed his cheek.

He smiled at you, and it reached his eyes. He took your hand and kissed it. You threw your feet up onto the dash as Troy began to drive away from the ranch. You watched it disappear in the side mirror, and you wondered about Jake’s body.

Why did Nick take it? Where did he even take it? What did he _do with it?_

Jake was one of the good ones. A pure soul. He deserved to be buried, to be set to rest. Denying him that was wrong. You felt terrible for Troy. It couldn’t be easy for him. You remember the shaking of his hands as they curled into fists when he couldn’t find his brother’s body. If Nick were to face them again, Troy wouldn’t hesitate to kill him.

You were finding it hard to keep your eyes open, and you were grateful when you got back to the outpost. The sun was low in the sky, and you looked at the loaded truck bed with dread.

Troy laughed when he saw your face. “It won’t take that long to put it all in the barn.”

You sighed. “I know, but I feel bad. I can barely carry anything, Troy. You’ve basically done all the work today.”

He shrugged. “I don’t mind. It’s a good work out.”

“I don’t like being… useless.” You said.

“Hey.” Troy said firmly. You looked at him. “You are not useless. Don’t ever say that again.”

You sighed. “Okay, fine. I just wish I could help more.”

“It’s fine, baby.” Troy said. He dropped the tailgate. “Why don’t you go bring the bag with our clothes into the house?”

“Alright,” you said. You opened the door and grabbed the bag, then shut the door with your hip. You trudged over to the house and went into the bedroom. You opened the top drawer of the dresser, and took out all the clothes that were in there. You shoved them all into the bottom drawer, and then put the fresh clothes in there. You kept on Troy’s jacket, but put the second one in there as well.

Then you walked back outside to see if you could help Troy with anything. He had already moved a fair amount of stuff into the barn. He was making his way over to the truck.

“Need any help?” You called.

“Come here.” You went over to him. “Put the guns in the house. Put one under the bed, with a full magazine, and then put the rest in a closet, or something.”

You gave him a salute, and he rolled his eyes at you. “Yes, _sir_.” You said. He shook his head, but there was a grin on his lips.

You did as he said, putting one gun and some ammunition under the bed, and then the rest in the closet in the hall. You had to make a couple trips, and when you were done, you saw that Troy was pretty much done.

You hopped up on the tailgate and swung your legs as you waited for him to finish. When he had taken the last box to the barn and returned, he stopped in front of you, hands on his hips.

“Looks like you forget something!” You said, holding your arm out to him.

“Oh, did I?” He took your waist, and you leaned forward to wrap your arm around his neck. He pulled your body to his and you wrapped your legs around his waist. He carried you to the house and set you down in the kitchen. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

You nodded. 

“Okay, you just sit down and let me make something.”

You sat at the table and let Troy warm up some food. You gazed at him admiringly and blinked sleepily when he caught you staring. He laughed and brought you a bowl of soup. 

“Thank you.” You said.

“You’re welcome.”

You ate quietly, and when you were done, you rinsed out the bowls in the sink. Then, you and Troy went outside. He built up a fire and the two of you leaned against the stone bench just as you had that first night you arrived at the outpost. You snuggled into his side, and he wrapped his arm around your waist. 

After a few moments, you finally broke the silence. “Did you want to talk about what happened today?”

Troy sucked his teeth. “Nah.” He said absently.

You glanced up at his face. It was hard. “Okay.” You said quietly. “If you ever want to, I’m always here to listen.”

He kissed the top of your head. “I know you are. Thanks, baby.”

You snuggled deeper into him. Your body was tired from your day, and your mind was starting to catch up. You were having a hard time keeping your eyes open. Your head rolling down caused your eyes to snap open.

Troy laughed. “Do you want to go to bed?”

“Yeah.” You said sleepily. 

Troy put out the fire. Then he gathered you in his arms and carried you back into the house. 

“I’m sorry you have to carry me around so much.” You whispered. 

“Don’t be. I like having you in my arms.” Troy admitted softly.

He gently set you on the bed and took off your boots. Troy helped you get your pants off and you shrugged off his jacket.

“Let me check your bandage.” He said. He took off the sling and pulled your shirt off. You saw fresh blood soaked into the cloth. His eyes pierced yours. “Was it hurting today, and you didn’t tell me?”

You shook your head. “No, Troy. I didn’t feel anything.” You really hadn’t.

He sighed and gently peeled back the bandages on your shoulder. He went to get the bag from the trading center and retrieved some new bandages and tape. 

“You need to be careful, Clara. I shouldn’t have let you do so much today.”

“I’m fine, Troy. And I barely did anything anyway.” That earned you a hard look.

Neither of you said anything more as Troy bandaged your shoulder and put your sling back on. He threw out your bloody bandages in the bathroom when he was done.

“I’m sorry.” You said when he came back. 

He sighed. “It’s not your fault.”

You looked at him carefully. “I wish you didn’t worry about me so much, Troy.”

He pulled his shirt over his head, and then took off his pants. He climbed onto the bed with you. “I can’t help it. I love you, Clara.”

“I love you, too.”

He took you in his arms, spooning you and holding your body tight to his. “Try to get a good sleep, okay?”

“I always sleep good in your arms.” You said. As if to prove your point, your eyes started to drift shut.

“I do too.” Troy murmured into your hair.

He pressed a kiss on your neck, and then you fell asleep.

*

You woke up suddenly when you felt a hand over your mouth.

“Shh.” Troy whispered from behind you. Your tense muscles relaxed. “I think I heard something outside.”

Troy pushed back the blankets and got out of bed. He slipped on his pants and his boots. He looked at you. “Stay here.”

You shook your head. “No way!” you whispered harshly. You rolled out of bed and grabbed the gun from under the bed before he could. “You’re not going anywhere without me.”

Troy let out a frustrated sound and ran his fingers through his hair. “Fine. Give me the gun.”

You tossed it to him and then grabbed your gun from the bag. Troy slid a knife into his belt. You put on your boots and followed Troy out into the hall. 

“Stay behind me.” He whispered. You nodded.

You followed him slowly, pointing your gun forwards. Troy opened the front door and waited a beat before he exited. He aimed left, then right, and then went left. You followed him. It was dark, but the sky was clear, and the moon provided light.

Troy indicated for you to go around the corner of the house, and you did. You jogged to the end of the house, and you signalled for Troy to follow. While you were waiting for him to catch up, you felt a hand wrap around your neck and tug you backwards. You let out a strangled scream, your gun falling out of your hand.

“Clara!” You heard Troy call.

You were pulled against someone, and the arm attached to the hand around your neck slid around you instead, keeping you in a choke hold. You elbowed them in the gut, and heard a deep grunt, indicating that it was a man. He didn’t release you though, and he pressed the barrel of a gun against your temple.

Troy skidded into view, and he growled when he saw you being held. He aimed his gun at your assailant. “Let her go, Nick.”

If you had been able to breathe better, you would have laughed. Of course, it was Nick.

“I don’t think so.” Nick said. “She looks so cute in just a shirt, don’t you think?”

That comment made your insides boil, and you started to thrash in his grip. You were glad you fell asleep with your bra on. Nick dug his fingers into your gun shot wound, causing you to cry out in pain and stop moving. You watched Troy’s face twist dangerously. You watched his finger on the trigger.

“Back up, Troy.” Nick sneered.

Troy didn’t move an inch. “Leave her alone. Your issue is with me.” He said.

“You’re damn right, it is. You destroyed the ranch, ruined a good home for my family. Now Alicia’s gone, and you’re also the reason that Travis is dead. All my mom ever wanted was to keep our family together. To keep us safe. And you ruined _everything_.” Nick said. You could feel his body shaking.

“See, it’s my fault. So you can let Clara go. She’s got nothing to do with this.” Troy said, surprisingly calmly.

Nick’s tone raised goosebumps on your skin. “But she means something to you. Just like Jake.”

Troy’s gun waivered slightly.

“You bastard.” You gasped. “That’s so fucked up. You’re _fucking crazy_.”

Nick pressed the gun harder into your temple. “Shut up.” He hissed.

“So you’re going to kill her?” Troy said. His voice wasn’t as calm. You saw panic in his eyes, just as you did when you nearly fell off the cliff. You hoped Nick didn’t see it in the dim light.

“Maybe.” Nick said. He sounded bored. “Maybe I’ll let you watch her turn.”

You felt your blood run cold. Other than losing Troy, that was your worst nightmare. And you knew it was Troy’s. 

Troy shook his head. His eyes didn’t look panicked anymore. They looked lethal, and you were no longer worried about him. His adrenaline was at its peak, and you knew you had to do something.

You moved quickly, reaching up to grab Nick’s thin hair in your fist. You pulled hard and twisted, causing Nick’s arm to loosen from around your neck. You let go and dropped yourself to the ground. You waited to hear a gunshot, but instead you heard an impact on the ground. You turned to see that Troy had tackled Nick. They were wrestling, but then Troy managed to get the upper hand, and he punched Nick in the face multiple times. Blood sprayed out of his mouth.

Nick wasn’t knocked out, but he looked weak. Blood trickled down from a wound on his cheekbone. Troy grabbed Nick’s throat, keeping his head pressed in the dirt but directed at his face. He leaned in close, and took the knife from his belt. He held it beside his own face, so Nick could see it.

“Tell Clara you’re sorry for touching her with your filthy hands.” Troy demanded.

When Nick did nothing, Troy squeezed his hand around his throat and slammed his head into the ground. Nick grunted, and then flicked his eyes over to yours. “Sorry.” He wheezed. 

“Good.” Troy said. “Now tell me what you did with Jake’s body.”

Nick started to laugh, but coughed instead when Troy tightened his grip, cutting off his airway. 

“Tell me!” Troy yelled.

“Fuck you.” Nick sneered. Troy punched him in the face, and then again. 

“Where’s Jake’s body?” Troy yelled.

Nick stared at Troy, and spoke slowly. “I threw it in the lake.”

Troy growled. “You son of a bitch.” He shook his head slowly. “Okay, Nick. Listen close. I made a promise. You wanna know what that was?” 

“Why don’t you enlighten me.” Nick said sarcastically.

Troy leaned closer to Nick’s face. “I promised Clara that I was going to kill you for hurting her. And after what you did to Jake?” Troy let out a laugh that sent chills down your spine. “I vowed to run this blade across your throat.”

“Do it, Troy.” Nick said. “It may not haunt _you_ , but it’s going to haunt _her_.” His eyes flicked over to yours.

You moved closer, shaking your head. “Like how you’re haunted by killing Jeremiah?” Nick’s eyes flashed. You smirked. “When Troy told me you killed his father, I suggested that he kill you. So, I can assure you, your death is not going to haunt me.”

And with that, Troy let go of Nick’s neck and swiped the blade across his throat. Nick’s eyes bulged as his hands went up to his neck. Blood pulsated out of the wound, and Nick sputtered as he tried to cover his wound. Troy got off Nick and sat on the ground. He tilted his head up to the sky, and let out a satisfied exhale. 

You stood up slowly, and walked around Nick. His eyes followed you, watching you take the knife from Troy. You dropped to your knees and raised the knife above your head.

“I would never let anyone turn. Not even you.” You drove the knife straight into Nick’s eye, and then closed your eyes as you drove it deeper into his skull. Nick’s body went limp, and you pulled the knife out and dropped it onto the ground.

Despite yourself, your body was trembling. Your lungs were heaving. You’d never killed anyone before. When your mom was bitten, you waited for her to pass before you killed her brain. It was different with the Infected, because there wasn’t any light in their eyes. But you had seen the light fade in Nick’s eyes.

The next thing you felt was Troy pulling you into his arms. “You did good, baby.” He said gently.

“I killed him.” You said numbly. 

“You did him a favour. He wasn’t going to last long after what I did.” Troy said. He stroked your hair.

“I killed him.” You said more surely. You pulled away so you could look at Troy’s face. “We killed Nick.” 

Troy nodded slowly. “Are you okay?” He cupped your cheek. “He hurt you.”

You let out a deep sigh. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“God, I don’t know what I would have done if he killed you. I would have lost my mind.” He said, gazing into your eyes. “I wouldn’t have shown him any mercy.”

“But I’m okay.” You said. “I love you,” you bit your lip and tapped his chin. “My hero.”

He chuckled and brought his face close to yours. “I love you, too.” He kissed you, his tongue brushing against yours sweetly. When he pulled away, you waited a beat to open your eyes.

“Come on. We have to get rid of his body. If Madison were to ever come around looking for him, and she figured out we killed him, she’d try to kill us.”

You felt weird talking about this. “Should we burn it?”

Troy shrugged. “Seems like the best way.” 

You got up and looked down at Nick’s body. 

“This is crazy.” You said.

Troy shrugged. “It’s a new world.”

You looked at him wearily. “I guess.”

“Bring me some gasoline and some matches. Then we’ll drag him off and burn the body away from the house.”

“Okay.” You went to the barn and got a small jerrycan of gas. Then you went into the house and grabbed some matches from one of the drawers in the kitchen. You brought it over to where Troy was. When he saw you, he grabbed Nick’s feet and began to drag him. 

“Come on,” Troy said to you. You followed behind a few paces, and stopped when Troy stopped. “Here’s probably good.” He dropped Nick’s legs.

You held out the gasoline, and Troy took it. He poured it over Nick’s body, and then put down the jerrycan. Then he held out his hand for the matches. 

But you didn’t give them to him. You stepped forward and held the matchbox in your left hand, a single match in your right. You struck the match against the side of the box, wincing slightly at the tenseness it caused in your shoulder, but you brought the match up to stare at the flame.

Then you dropped it and watched the flames engulf Nick’s body. You stared numbly as the fire grew, and Troy had to pull you back as the flames licked out towards you. 

When the body started to blacken, Troy put his hand on your back. “Maybe you should go back up to the house.”

You merely shook your head.

“Clara, you’re not wearing pants.” Troy said patronizingly.

“Yeah, and you’re not wearing a fucking shirt.” You said tightly.

Troy sighed, and then pulled your body against his. You leaned your back against his chest and he propped his chin on the top of your head, his arms wrapping around you. 

The two of you watched until the flames dissipated and the sun was starting to rise. When you saw the burned pieces left over, it made your stomach twist. You looked away.

“Um, so what do we do now?” You asked. 

“We’ll have to bury the remains.” Troy said, letting you go.

“Where are we supposed to do that?”

Troy shrugged. “We should probably do it here, since the ground is scorched.”

“Okay. I’ll go get a shovel.”

As you walked back to the house, you realized how far you had actually gone. About five minutes later, you grabbed a shovel from the barn. You grabbed a bottle of Gatorade from one of the boxes you took from the ranch yesterday, and trudged back over to Troy. He looked small in the distance.

You handed Troy the shovel, and he pushed aside the remains before he got digging. When he dug deep enough so that he was standing in a hole up to his mid-shin, you made him stop and take a break. You handed him the Gatorade.

“Thanks, baby.” He said, taking a grateful sip.

“You’re welcome.” You said quietly. You saw the sweat glistening on his skin. “Sorry I can’t help.”

Troy shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not like I’m digging a real grave anyway. I’m only going to go a metre deep. And it’s not wide.” You watched his throat bob as he took another sip.

“You sure got one hell of a workout today.”

He winked at you. “Gotta stay in shape for my girl.”

You couldn’t help but grin at that. He handed you back the bottle, and got back to digging. When he finished, he hopped out of the hole and pushed the ashes and what was left of Nick’s body into the hole with the shovel.

“Is this fucking _real_?” You asked suddenly.

Troy looked at you carefully. “It is. Very fucking real.”

You shook your head and grabbed a fistful of dirt. You let it fall out of your hand slowly in to the pit. Then Troy filled the hole, and you both looked at it for a minute before Troy took your hand and led you back to the house. He leaned the shovel against the wall and you went inside. 

You kicked off your boots, and before you collapsed on the bed, Troy made you let him check your shoulder. There was a bit of blood from the entry wound, where Nick pressed his fingers into you, but not a lot. He secured the bandage back into place. When he fixed your shirt, you fell back onto the bed.

Troy took off his pants and boots, and then pulled the blanket around you. You caught his hand. “I need you to hold me.” You whispered.

He moved to your right side and you snuggled up against him, pressing your face into his neck. He held you tight. “I’ll hold you, baby.” He kissed your crown. “I’ll never let you go.”


	9. True Love is Violent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd get a little more feedback on the last chapter, but that's okay :)  
> Enjoy, happy reading.

Troy’s breathing evened out fairly quickly, but you had a harder time falling asleep. He was probably physically tired from the digging, but your mind was racing. After a couple of hours of you not falling asleep, you felt Troy’s chest drop as he sighed. “Clara, go to sleep.” He said.

“How did you even know I was awake?”

“You’re fingers.” He said, and you realized you were tracing them back and forth over his ribs.

“Oh.” You said sheepishly, closing your hand into a fist. “I’m sorry, Troy. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He rubbed his hand over the small of your back. “It’s okay, baby. I know what happened today wasn’t easy for you.”

You hesitated before you responded. “That’s not it, though. What’s bothering me more is how okay with it I was.”

Troy was silent.

You pushed up on your elbow and looked down at him. “We _killed _somebody, Troy. And yeah, at first, I was a little freaked out. But now I’m just…” you shook your head, at a loss for words. “I don’t know. It’s not bothering me. Shouldn’t it be bothering me?”__

__Troy pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re thinking about this too much.” Troy said tiredly._ _

__You sighed. “You’re probably right. I’m sorry.” You shook your head. “I’m sorry, I should just go to sleep.”_ _

__“Hey, listen. I know I’m probably a little too okay with this. But you’re strong, Clara. You’ve adapted to this new world pretty well, compared to most people. It’s not surprising that you’ve adjusted to this just the same.”_ _

__You lay back down, tucking your head beneath his chin. “I guess so.”_ _

__Troy slipped his hand under your shirt to stroke your skin. “You’re not a bad person because you’re not upset that we killed someone who had hurt us.” Troy said firmly._ _

__His words made you feel better. “Okay.” You said. You let yourself close your eyes._ _

__Troy threaded his fingers in your hair. “You’re so strong, Clara.” You could tell he was starting to fall back asleep. “I’m so in love with you.”_ _

__You were stunned to hear him say that. It brought a wide smile to your lips. You kissed his neck and felt yourself finally starting to drift off to sleep._ _

__*_ _

__When you woke up, you could tell that it was already afternoon as you looked out the window. Troy was awake, and massaging your scalp._ _

__You sighed contently, throwing your leg over his._ _

__“I’m so in love with you.” You whispered in his ear._ _

__You glanced up at his face, and saw a blush on his cheeks._ _

__“It’s true.” He said softly._ _

__“I’m glad we feel the same way, then.” You said before you kissed him._ _

__You pushed the blanket aside and crawled on top of Troy. The kisses were gentle at first, but then his hands began slipping beneath your shirt and gripping your ass._ _

__You pulled away and looked down at him, biting your lip. “I’m not really feeling up for sex.” You said self-consciously. Not after the events of last night._ _

__Troy settled his hands on your hips. “That’s okay, baby.” He said simply. You could tell that he really didn't mind._ _

__“But I still wanna kiss you.” You said demurely._ _

__Troy held you firmly and rolled you onto your back. Your legs wrapped around his waist instinctively._ _

__He gazed down at you, and his tongue wet his bottom lip. “You can kiss me.”_ _

__You caressed his cheek and leaned up to press your lips to his. Troy let you control the kiss, and you lost yourself in it. You only finally pulled away when you could feel your lips starting to swell. Troy got off you and lay down on his stomach beside you, his face turned so he could look at you._ _

__After a moment of silence, Troy spoke up. “I really am in love with you.”_ _

__You looked over at him, heart clenching in your chest. “Troy…” Your cheeks felt warm._ _

__“More than I ever thought was possible.” His voice was intense. “More than I ever thought I could when I realized that I had feelings for you that I had never felt for anyone else.”_ _

__His words made your whole body tingle, turning your insides warm. “I am so in love with _you_.” You said before you kissed him sweetly._ _

__You lounged around in bed for another hour or so, stealing kisses from Troy every now and then. He finally got up and disappeared into the washroom._ _

__When he reappeared a bit later, he was clean-shaven. You sat up on your knees and beckoned him over to you. You traced your fingers over his jaw and your thumbs over his upper lip. You hummed. “I like this.” You tilted your head and leaned up to trail your lips over his jaw._ _

__“Mm, I like it, too.” Troy said._ _

__You let your tongue touch his skin briefly before you pulled away. You ran your fingers through his hair. “When I can use my hand, I’m going to give you a haircut to match this handsome face.”_ _

__He smiled at you. “Okay. Do you want help getting dressed?”_ _

__You nodded, and he took off your sling. He pulled your shirt off and got you a new shirt and a pair of jeans from the dresser. He helped you get dressed and readjusted your sling._ _

__He got dressed himself, and then turned back to you. “Are you hungry?” he asked._ _

__You nodded. “Starved.”_ _

__“Come on, then.” He took your hand and guided you into the kitchen. He opened a can of pineapple and pulled some slices out with a fork. He put them on a plate and handed it to you._ _

__You sat down and cut into your pineapple. Troy sat down, holding the can and eating straight out of it._ _

__When you were done, you decided to wash some clothes. You asked Troy to bring you a bucket filled with soapy water outside for you._ _

__While you waited, you took down the clothes that were hanging on the line outside the house. You went to the barn to toss the clothes in there, considering they were Phil’s and he didn’t need them anymore because he was dead._ _

__While you were walking back, you noticed blood on the ground. Nick’s blood. It was everywhere. You remembered the way it pulsed out of his neck, streaming down his fingers as he tried to slow the bleeding._ _

__Troy’s voice behind you made you jump. “Where do you want this?”_ _

__“Oh, um, beside the clothes line.”_ _

__Troy regarded you carefully. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me coming.”_ _

__You shook your head. “It’s okay. I just noticed…” you gestured at the ground._ _

__“Shit.” Troy said, looking at the blood. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get rid of it. You just do what you were going to do, okay?”_ _

__“Okay.”_ _

__You walked back, and Troy set down the bucket beside the clothes line and then went to the back of the house. You watched him disappear and then went inside the house to grab some dirty clothes._ _

__You got to work. It was frustrating to wash clothes by hand, especially with only one hand. But it felt good to exert yourself. It took your mind off what happened last night._ _

__You had just begun to hang the clothes on the line when Troy reappeared. He helped you, and it made you smile._ _

__“It’s all done.” He said._ _

__Your smile fell. “Okay.”_ _

__“Thanks for washing our clothes.”_ _

__You shrugged. “I’m not good for much else.”_ _

__Troy sighed angrily and stopped you by grabbing your hand. “Don’t say shit like that. I hate that you keep thinking that.”_ _

__“Well, it’s true.” You said stubbornly._ _

__“ _No_ , it’s not. You’re injured, Clara. It’s not your fault, and I don’t expect you to be dragging around bodies and digging holes anyway.”_ _

__You pulled your hand out of his. “Hopefully that won’t be happening again.”_ _

__“I’ll do that to anyone who hurts you.” His voice sent chills down your spine._ _

__You watched him get back to hanging up the laundry. You stopped him by placing your hand on his arm. He looked down at you. “You know I’d do the same?” you said softly. “Because I would.”_ _

__His eyes shone with admiration for you. “Yeah?”_ _

__You nodded. “Don’t you remember how mad I was after you came back after almost having your eye fucking spooned out?”_ _

__He chuckled. “Yeah. I almost strapped you to my bed to keep you from killing Madison. If I had known she was going to destroy everything we had built, I would have set you loose on her.”_ _

__You grinned at him. “If she comes around looking for trouble, you should do just that. I never liked her, and I didn’t like her using you to get what she wanted.”_ _

__Troy pulled you to him. “I know. I didn’t like it either, having her fuck with my head like that. But you kept me grounded.” He kissed you soundly. “You always have.”_ _

__“That’s what I’m here for.” You said. “Among other things.” You kissed him again._ _

__“You take pretty good care of me.” Troy said with a smile._ _

__“So do you. Especially now. I really appreciate it all, Troy.”_ _

__“Anything for my girl.” He said affectionately. “I love you.”_ _

__You stared up into his eyes. “I love you, too.”_ _

__*_ _

__Days went by at the outpost, and they were quiet. Uneventful. But it was nice. You found some books in the living room, and had started reading one of them. Troy would sit with you as you read, sometimes rubbing your feet, other times resting his head in your lap._ _

__You stopped wearing the sling, but you still couldn’t really use your arm. You would stretch it, and slowly move it around, but it definitely wasn’t fully healed yet. You were glad that it was getting better, though. You still had several pain killers left over, so that was good for any future injuries._ _

__You were always worried that Madison would come around looking for Nick, but it had been over two weeks since you killed Nick and there hadn’t been any visitors to the outpost. Not even the dead._ _

__You were no longer bothered by what happened, and Troy never mentioned it. So, it was pushed to the back of your mind._ _

__You were reading right now, your feet in Troy's lap. He had his hand resting on your ankles._ _

__“You know what I miss?” Troy said suddenly._ _

__You glanced over at him. “What?”_ _

__“Coffee.”_ _

__You tilted your face to the ceiling. “Ugh, me too.”_ _

__“After a shift on patrol, it was the perfect thing.”_ _

__“I bet.” You turned back to your book._ _

__“You know what was even better?”_ _

__“Hmm?”_ _

__“When we'd switch off at midnight, and I’d get back to my room to find you sleeping in my bed.”_ _

__You raised an eyebrow and looked back at him. “Oh, yeah?”_ _

__He nodded, tracing his fingers over the skin between your sock and pant leg. “Your face is so relaxed when you’re asleep. You're so beautiful.” He said gently. “I can’t believe you’re all mine. Can’t believe you chose me.”_ _

__You put your book down and maneuvered yourself onto Troy's lap. “What can I say.” You said, running your hand through his hair. “I'm a sucker for those blue eyes.”_ _

__The corner of his eyes crinkled slightly when he smiled. You tapped his chin, before you kissed him sweetly. “Can I give you that hair cut now, handsome?”_ _

__“Sure.” He said._ _

__You got off his lap and rummaged around in the kitchen for a pair of scissors. You found some and you had Troy sit outside on the stone bench._ _

__You ran your hand through his hair. “Are you sure you trust me?”_ _

__“Of course.” His voice was dismissive._ _

__“Even though I don’t know what I'm doing?”_ _

__Troy shrugged. “It doesn’t have to be perfect.”_ _

__“Okay.” You started at the bottom of his head, taking his hair between your middle and index fingers and slowly snipping it. You continued with that, and several minutes later, you ran your fingers through his hair._ _

__“How’s that?” You asked._ _

__Troy felt his hair. “Feels all right.”_ _

__“It’s like the length it was when I met you.” You said fondly. You brushed the loose hair off his shoulders._ _

__“I’m sure it looks great.” He stood up and turned to you._ _

__“I think it does.” You grinned._ _

__“Then that’s good enough for me. How’s your shoulder?”_ _

__“It’s a little tired.” You said honestly._ _

__“Want me to give it a rub?”_ _

__You nodded eagerly. Troy took your hand and led you back into the house. You sat on the edge of the bed, kicked off your boots and crossed your legs. Troy sat behind you._ _

__“Can I take your shirt off?” he asked._ _

__You nodded and raised your arms above your head. Troy trailed his fingers down your back before he took the bottom of your shirt in his hands and lifted it up slowly._ _

__He gathered your hair in his hand and draped it over your right shoulder. You didn’t wear bandages anymore, but the scars on your shoulder were still tender._ _

__Troy began to gently massage your shoulder, careful not to touch the healing wounds. Your eyes closed, and you let out a hum._ _

__Troy’s hands stopped, and you were about to protest, but then you felt his finger trail under the strap of your bra. He pulled it down your shoulder and continued massaging you._ _

__A couple minutes later, his fingers slowed. Your eyes opened as you felt his hot breath on the back of your neck. Next, you felt his lips there, then his tongue gently tasting your skin._ _

__You sighed, and Troy slid one hand around your stomach, and the other slipped under the cup of your bra._ _

__You moaned. “How did I know you were going to try something like this?”_ _

__“What can I say, I’m a sucker for sexy women.” He murmured in your ear. He pinched your nipple and you gasped in pleasure. “You’re irresistible.” He whispered._ _

__Troy kissed down your neck and over the top of your shoulder. He pulled his hands away and unclasped your bra. You let it fall from your shoulders. You turned around to face him and crawled onto his lap. You bit your lip, glancing down at Troy's lips before you gazed into his eyes._ _

__You unbuttoned his shirt, not breaking eye contact with him. You palmed him over his pants, and he was hard. He let out a little groan._ _

__He took his shirt off and then pulled your face to his. He kissed you fiercely. You ran your fingers through his freshly cut hair, and he cupped one of your breasts._ _

__You’d had several spontaneous make out sessions with Troy over the past couple of weeks, but they never escalated further than that. But right now, you wanted all of him._ _

__“I want you.” You said heatedly._ _

__Troy looked at you adoringly. “Are you sure?”_ _

__Your heart swelled. You smiled at him, and nodded. “I’m sure. Thank you for being so patient with me, baby.”_ _

__“You know I’d never-”_ _

__You cut him off. “I know, Troy.” You kissed him gently. “I know.”_ _

__“I love you.” His voice was so soft._ _

__“I love you, too.” You said._ _

__Troy rolled you onto your back and kissed a path down your neck, between the valley of your breasts and down your stomach. He unbuttoned your jeans and dragged them down your legs._ _

__He dropped them on the floor, and then started removing his own pants. He grabbed a condom from your first aid kit, took off his boxers and rolled it down his shaft. You raised your hips so Troy could take off your panties._ _

__He got on top of you and kissed you sweetly. “Are you ready?”_ _

__You nodded, hooking your legs around his waist._ _

__Troy pushed into you slowly and dropped his head onto your shoulder. You gasped into his ear._ _

__“God, I missed being inside you.” He whispered._ _

__You ran your hands over his back, your walls adjusting to him. Troy kissed your neck and began slowly thrusting in and out of you._ _

__“Mm, you feel so good, Troy.” You whispered. “I missed you too.”_ _

__“You’re so perfect.” He panted against your neck. “So fucking glad that you’re mine.”_ _

__“I’m all yours, Troy. Only yours.” You pulled his face to yours, sealing your lips to his. You pulled away when he hit a spot inside you that caused you to cry out in pleasure. “Fuck, right there.”_ _

__He did it again, and again. You tilted your head back as the pleasure started to consume you. He took the opportunity to suck bruises into your neck, and you felt your clit throbbing at his actions._ _

__A few minutes later, your hips started bucking against Troy. “More.” You breathed._ _

__Troy thrust inside you so slowly that it started to ache. “What was that?”_ _

__You groaned when he touched your clit briefly before he pulled his fingers away. “More, Troy. I need you to fuck me harder.”_ _

__He didn’t change his pace. He wanted you to beg._ _

__“Please, Troy.”_ _

__“Please, _what_?”_ _

__You groaned in frustration, letting go of his back and dropping your hands to the bed. You fisted the sheet in your hands. Troy stopped moving, instead pushed himself as deep as he could inside you and stayed there. So much pressure was building inside you, aching to be released._ _

__Troy stared down at you, waiting for you to speak. You tried bucking your hips, but he pushed them down with his hand._ _

__Your clit was throbbing, your core aching for him to move. You let out a defeated moan, feeling your walls clenching around Troy. You curled one hand around his bicep, the other around his back._ _

__“Please fuck me harder.” You pleaded quietly, staring him in the eyes._ _

__“Good girl.” He said, before he pulled out and slammed back into you. You cried out in pleasure as Troy began to relentlessly pound into you._ _

__“You want to come so bad, don’t you?” he asked._ _

__You nodded, your eyes shut tight. “I need – I need to… It’s been too long.”_ _

__“It has.” Troy agreed. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll make you come. I’ll make you come so fucking hard.”_ _

__Troy kept his promise. His fingers stroked your clit rapidly, and you felt your walls start to convulse. Your back bowed off the bed and you screamed out his name as you came._ _

__“Fuck,” Troy cursed. “Oh, Clara.” He slammed his hips into yours, and your fluttering walls milked his orgasm. He filled the condom, thrusting inside you gently as he lived his release._ _

__You were panting, and you tried to catch your breath, as did Troy. He pulled out of you and pulled the condom off. He dropped onto his back beside you. You could still feel your walls pulsing. You were in euphoria._ _

__Troy said something, but you didn’t hear him._ _

__“What?” you panted._ _

__“I said I hope we do that again. If you’re up for it.”_ _

__You rolled onto your side, tangling your leg in his. “Trust me, I am. Or I will be in a minute or two.”_ _

__Troy chuckled and rubbed his hand down the damp skin of your back. “You're amazing.”_ _

__“Mm, I think you are too.” You whispered into his neck._ _

__You grazed your lips over his skin and sucked his earlobe into your mouth. You traced the uneven edge with your tongue, and Troy tangled his fingers in your hair. He let you tease him for a minute before he pulled your face back to his._ _

__You slid on top of him and let him control the kiss. His erection was pressed against his stomach, and now between your legs._ _

__“Mm, are you ready now?” Troy whispered._ _

__You nodded, smiling down at him. “I think I am.”_ _

__“There's only three condoms left.” Troy said._ _

__You grabbed his hard length and pushed it past your entrance. You groaned at the same time as Troy. You smirked down at him. “Well, I guess we'll have to stagger their use.”_ _


	10. With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO! 10 CHAPTERS? WOW!  
> Thank you to everyone who's reading this story!! It's been really fun to write, and even though I'm not 100% sure where it's heading, I hope it will become one of your favourites.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, as always! Leave a comment if you'd like :)  
> xo

A month passed by, and Troy eagerly taught you how to use the assault rifle once your shoulder was healed. It was hard at first, but you learned control. When you hit the dead center of one of your targets, Troy placed his hand on the small of your back and kissed you soundly.

“Look at you.” He said proudly. You could see a fire in his eyes.

You laughed. “Am I turning you on?”

“Hell yeah, you are. You look so hot with that.”

“Oh yeah?” you asked, and he nodded. You swung the gun up so it hung over your shoulder, and cocked your hip. “Well, how about we see how hot I look with a little less clothing.” You stared into his eyes as you undid the button on his pants and zipped down his fly before you stepped away from him and sauntered over to the house.

You put the gun in the closet in the hall and looked behind you to find Troy standing in the doorway. You shrugged off his militia jacket, and let it drop to the floor. You were left in your tank top, and you waited for Troy to walk over to you. He picked you up and crushed his lips to yours.

You hummed contently against his lips as he lay you down on the bed. He pushed his hand underneath your tank top and touched your bra, but slid his hand out just as quickly. You made a noise at him.

“Now it’s your turn to get teased.” He said. 

He leaned back in as if to kiss your lips, except he tilted his head and kissed down your jaw. He briefly touched his tongue to the spot behind your ear, and you made another noise. You wanted more of what he was doing but he was denying you. And it was making you so wet.

He pulled off your shirt but left your bra, then nuzzled his face between your breasts. Again, he only granted a quick kiss to your skin before he pulled away. He sat up on his knees and stared down at you. He traced the outline of your bra with his finger.

You grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand up to your face. You held his eyes innocently as you sucked his finger into your mouth. You dragged your tongue over it and then let his finger slip past your lips.

“Fuck,” he groaned, his pupils dilating with lust. His fingers flew to the button on your jeans and he pulled your pants off. You sat up so your face was level with his. 

“You need to catch up,” you said as you pulled his shirt over his head. You drank in the sight of his bare chest and his hands moving to push his pants past his hips. You pushed at him so he'd lean against the headboard and then you pulled off his boxers.

You moved between his legs and took his hard member in your hand, pumping it a few times before you took him in your mouth. He moaned, one of his hands curling in your hair, the other tucked behind his head. 

“Goddamn, baby. Your mouth feels so good.”

You moaned around him and kept bobbing your head, twisting your hand around the base of his shaft. You released him when he started to thrust into your mouth. 

You reached behind you to unclasp your bra, and then you took off your panties. You straddled Troy and guided him inside you. You were long out of condoms, so sex was less frequent but still definitely occurring. Troy went down on you a lot, which is why this time you had wanted to return the favour.

“No more teasing,” you said as you sunk down onto his throbbing erection and moaned, tilting your head back at the initial stretch of your walls. Then you began to ride him, and you were already so wet that he was sliding in and out of you with ease. You fisted his hair in one hand and tightly gripped his shoulder with the other as you rode him. His hands squeezed your waist, and occasionally cupped your breasts.

You were so focused on seeking your own pleasure, selfishly not thinking about Troy right now. You couldn’t hear much else than your own pants and moans. Your release was building, and all you could think about was getting yourself to come. Your head started to feel light, and you felt your walls starting to flutter.

“Clara, hold on-” Troy said, but you didn’t listen.

“Oh, fuck, I’m almost there.” You whined, your eyes screwed shut. You felt Troy's hands squeezing you harder, and you figured he was building his own release. 

You grabbed his wrists and forced his arms above his head and against the wall. You slammed your hips down onto his, your walls clenching around him on their own accord. You pushed him deep inside you and rocked yourself against him as you started to come, and you let out a long moan.

“Clara, fuck-” Troy said, ripping his hands out of your grasp, and you’d never heard his voice sound quite like that.

Suddenly, you became aware of him twitching inside you and then you felt streams of his cum filling you. You let out a gasp, both from shock and from intense pleasure. You stared into each other’s eyes as Troy came inside you, unable to move as your orgasm still had hold of your body. “Holy shit!” you cried, unable to stop the closing of your eyes as your body started to rock against him again.

When your head started to clear, the reality of the situation hit you and you got off Troy quickly. 

“Clara-” he started, and he looked horrified.

You felt his cum seeping out of you, and you started to panic. Not knowing what else to do, you practically ran into the washroom, shutting and locking the door after you.

What the _fuck_?

You brought a shaky hand up to your mouth, and tried to control your breathing. You went to the sink and soaked a washcloth, then wiped between your quivering legs. Your folds were still sensitive, and it made you gasp a little, and you knew that the damage had already been done and you felt tears welling up in your eyes. 

You tossed the washcloth down into the sink, and jumped when you heard a knock at the door.

“Are you okay?” Troy called.

You took a deep breath before you answered, trying to steady your voice. “Just give me a minute, okay?”

A pause, then, “Okay.”

You stared at the door, and then a moment later, your body began to shake with the sobs you were holding in. You grabbed a towel and pressed it against your face as you sat down on the ground with your back against the wall. You cried into the towel, but only let yourself cry for a minute. Then you forced yourself to control your breathing. 

Inhale for a count of 4.

Exhale for a count of 4.

Inhale for a count of 6.

Exhale for a count of 6.

Repeat.

You stood up and splashed cold water on your face. You wiped your face with the towel and then wrapped it around yourself. You stared at your eyes in the mirror, and they were slightly red. You opened the door before you could convince yourself to stay in the bathroom forever.

Troy had pulled his boxers back on and was sitting in the edge of the bed. He looked like he didn’t know what to do with his hands. You twisted yours in front of you. 

“Clara, I’m so sorry.” He said. He had a broken look in his eyes.

You went over to him and sat beside him in the bed. You didn’t meet his eyes. “It's not your fault.”

Troy shook his head. “I feel fucking terrible. I don’t know why I-”

You took his hand in yours, and he stopped. “We both… weren’t in the right headspace.” You said. “No one is to blame.”

“You _should_ blame me.” Troy said.

“I’m not mad at you, Troy.” You finally met his eyes. 

His eyes searched yours. “But you’re upset. You were crying.”

You couldn’t help feeling embarrassed. “Well, yeah. I’m not ready for any of this.” You said defensively. “I’m 23, and you’re only a year older than me, Troy.”

“You’re scared.” He said observantly. He squeezed your hand. You almost couldn’t hear what he said next. “I am, too.”

You felt your throat clenching up, but you fought any more tears. “We have each other.”

“We do.” Troy agreed, but his voice lacked much emotion.

Now you searched his eyes. “This might turn out to be nothing.” You said.

“Maybe.” Troy said. “But we’ll need to know for sure.

“How?”

“A pregnancy test.” He said.

“I’m pretty sure we didn’t pick up any of those when we went to the ranch.” 

“No, we’ll have to go find a store somewhere and see if they have any.”

You sighed, but you knew he was right. You hated raiding stores and all that other apocalyptic survival shit. It reminded you of just how fucked up the world had become. 

You wrapped your arms around him and leaned into his side. “Okay.”

“No matter what happens, Clara, I love you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut. “I love you, too.”

*

You waited about a week and a half before you set out to find a store. Troy said he knew where to look, and you trusted him. 

He said it would take a few days at least, so you packed some food and water. You had your handgun, knife, and Troy suggested you bring an assault rifle.

Now you were waiting for him at the truck. You were wearing his jacket, and had your black ball cap on.

He came out of the house and smiled gently when he saw you. “You look so cute.”

You merely smiled back at him. Things had been a little weird ever since the incident, but you were trying not to let the situation freak you out.

He stopped in front of you. “Are you ready to go?”

You nodded. 

“Sure you’re feeling up for it?”

“I’m not letting you go by yourself.” You said. You wrapped your arms around him, and tilted your head back to look him in the eyes past the tip of your hat. “I’m your second in command. Your back up.”

Troy gazed down at you. “Yes you are.”

You let him go and Troy walked around to the driver’s side. You got in, throwing your legs up on the dash as you always did.

You were quiet as Troy drove. You thought about having his child. Perhaps if you still lived on the ranch, if the Otto's had still been in charge and Walker’s people hadn’t moved in, you'd be excited. You were in love with Troy, and you knew he'd do anything for you. But you weren't ready to have a baby, not living alone at the outpost with a dead body buried a couple hundred yards from your house. You wanted a baby, eventually, but not like this. You wondered about what Troy thought.

“What are you thinking about?” Troy asked after a few hours.

“You.”

He smirked. “Oh yeah? What about me?”

“Did you ever want kids? Or think about having them?”

His smirk dropped. He rubbed his fingers over his lips. “Honestly, not really.”

The answer didn’t surprise you, but it still made your face fall. Troy must have seen it.

He put his hand on your thigh and rubbed it gently. “But I didn’t know you before. I didn’t know I could love somebody this much.” His voice took on a soft tone. “Clara, I'd do anything for you.”

“Even if you don’t want to do it?” you said, looking at him intensely.

He glanced over at you. Now you were talking about your possible pregnancy, and he knew it, too. “Even if _you_ don’t want to do it.” Troy replied.

“Well, I would want it, eventually. Had the world not gone to shit.” You said. Your tone softened. “And I'd want it with you.”

Troy pulled the truck to a stop and you looked at him, confused. He leaned forward and cupped your face with both hands. He gave you a fierce kiss that ended sweetly. “You mean that?”

You grinned. “I do.” His eyes shone with awe. You let out a little laugh. “You know I love you.” You said simply, tapping his chin.

“I know.” He kissed you again. “I love you, too.”

He kept one of your hands in his as he continued driving. 

The first place you came across was a gas station. Troy told you to stay in the truck as he checked it out. You did, and he came back a couple minutes later, blood on his knife. 

“It's clear.” He said, opening your door for you. 

You walked into the little store with Troy and looked around. Some shelves had been knocked over, and you saw a couple of bodies on the ground. It looked like it had been rummaged through several times before you got there.

You began to walk carefully over the broken glass. You went down a couple isles and ran your finger along the dust on the shelves. There was nothing in any of the drink fridges, and most of the food had been cleared out too. You saw a couple useful things, but not a pregnancy test. 

“There's none here.” You called out. 

Troy appeared. “I didn’t find any either.” He handed you something. It was a lollipop. 

You took it from him with a smile, and unwrapped it. You sucked it into your mouth. “Thanks, baby.” You had a lisp from the sucker against your tongue.

He smiled. “Sure. See anything we should grab?”

You shrugged. “There’s some toilet paper and mouthwash, and I think I saw some instant noodle cups.”

“Alright. Let's grab them and keep going. I’m going to see if there’s any gas, too.”

You did as he said, and also came across a box of condoms. You stared at it.

“Clara? We should really get going.” Troy called. He came into view, and saw what you were looking at. “You should probably get those too.

You watched him disappear, and whispered under your breath, “Yeah, no shit.” You grabbed it and dropped it into your bag.

You threw the bag into the back of the truck and plopped down in the passenger’s seat. 

Troy came back into the truck. “No luck with any gas.” 

“Not surprised.” You said, after you took the lollipop out of your mouth. 

“The next town is about four hours.”

“Alright.” You stuck the candy back in your mouth, and put your feet up on the dash as Troy began to drive. When you were finished with it, you threw the stick out the window.

You started passing more and more of the dead. It made you a little anxious, but you remembered how many you and Troy took on in the pantry and that was only with one of your hands. Now your shoulder was healed, so it eased your mind a little bit.

Finally, you saw a small strip mall of shops and restaurants in the distance.

“There should be a convenience store and a small supermarket here.” Troy said.

“Which one should we try first?” you asked.

“I’d say the convenience store.”

“Okay.”

Troy pulled the truck in front of one of the buildings. “Want me to check it out first?”

You shook your head. Not this time. “I’m coming with you.”

“Alright.” 

The two of you got out of the truck and you got your knife ready in your hand. Your gun was tucked in the back of your pants. You opened the door, and Troy went in first, aiming his assault rifle in front of him. You checked outside before you followed him in.

A few of the infected stood inside, swaying on their feet as they turned around to look at you. You looked around before you stepped forward to plunge your knife in the temple of the one closest to you. It went limp and you pulled your knife out. You went for another one, and Troy was doing the same. He had dropped four in the time you killed two.

You adjusted your hat and looked at him. He signaled for you to move forward, continuing to check the rest of the store. There were some lying on the ground, but they were unmoving, so you ignored them. 

After you had gone through the whole store, you began to look for a pregnancy test. Troy was off looking for other supplies, and left you to look for it. You came across an isle for baby products, and you swallowed thickly. You entered the isle and glanced at all the pictures of smiling babies on the boxes. You looked at the baby socks, at how tiny and cute they were. 

You reached out to touch one, when you suddenly felt something grab onto your ankle. You let out a gasp and looked down to see one of the Infected had slithered over to you. It yanked on your leg, and you lost your balance, falling to the ground with a yell. Your knife fell out of your hand and clattered to the ground, too far from your reach.

You kicked at it with your other foot, but it didn’t let you go. It only had one hand, just like Jake. You tried to ignore this, but Jake’s pale face flashed before your eyes. You were struggling to get away, and you yelled in frustration. It brought its teeth close to your leg, but you kicked it out and away from its drooling mouth.

Troy appeared and ran over to you. He dropped to his knees and drove his knife into its head. He pulled out the knife and threw the body away from you. You scrambled backward, your chest rising and falling quickly.

Troy looked at you intensely. “Are you okay?”

You merely nodded. 

“How did it get to you?”

You grabbed your knife and got to your feet shakily. “I don’t know. I was distracted.” You said shamefully.

Troy got up too, and pulled you to him. He sighed, taking you in his arms and dropping his cheek against your head. “You can’t be distracted.” He said gently.

You squeezed him once before letting him go. You looked up at him meekly. “Thank you.”

He kissed your forehead and let you go. “Did you find them yet?” 

“No. But if they have any, they will be down here.” You took Troy’s hand and kept walking. Finally, you found some. You blew out a sigh, and stared at them.

“Umm,” Troy said. “Are you going to take one?”

“Right.” You reached out and took a box. It was Clearblue, and you knew that was supposed to be a good brand.

“Should you maybe get more than one?”

You thought about it. Maybe, just in case you were too early in trying it, and in case you needed to use one again. You grabbed two more.

“That’s all you want?” Troy asked, one of his eyebrows raised.

“I shouldn’t need that many, and what if there’s someone else who needs them?”

“I guess.” Troy murmured, his eyes fixed on the row of pregnancy tests.

“What else did you grab?” You asked.

“Some crackers, boxes of pasta. There were some lighters, and I got a flashlight. There weren’t any batteries, though.”

You nodded.

“Do you think you should take one of the tests now?” Troy asked abruptly.

“What?”

“If it’s positive, then we’ll need to be grabbing some of this baby stuff.”

He was right. “I guess so. But where am I supposed to do it? You know I have to _pee on it_ , right?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure there’s a washroom somewhere.”

You followed Troy to the back of the store, and came across a door that had a washroom sign on it. Troy tried the doorknob and it was locked.

“Stand back.” He said, and you did as you were told. He kicked the door in, and it was a single washroom. Luckily, none of the dead were hiding inside. Troy flicked the switch, and the light actually came on. It was pretty nice for a convenient store restroom.

“Will this do?” He asked.

“Yeah. I’ll just be a minute, and then we have to wait…” you checked the box, “three minutes, apparently, for the results.”

Troy nodded, and you stood on your toes to place a kiss on his cheek. Then you went into the washroom and closed the door, after removing one of the splinters out of the way. You took the plastic stick out of the box and stared at it.

When you finished and came out of the washroom, Troy was cleaning the blade of his knife. He sheathed it when he saw you. You went to him and took his right hand, looking at the watch he always wore.

“Three minutes.” You said, more to yourself than to Troy.

Troy had his hand on the small of your back, gently rubbing it as you stared at the second-hand ticking by. You didn’t stop looking until it had gone around three times. You looked up at his blue eyes. 

“Don’t be afraid.” He said softly.

You nodded, and went back into the washroom. You stared at yourself in the mirror. “I’m not.” You said. “I’m not afraid.”

Then you picked up the stick and glanced down at it. You made a noise in the back of your throat and dropped it. It bounced off the sink and landed on the floor.

“Damn, it’s positive, isn’t it?” Troy asked, coming forward and bending down to pick it up. He grabbed the box from the counter and was silent. You looked down at him, pressing your lips together, and he looked up at you with a grin. “Baby, it’s negative!” he said with a laugh. He dropped what was in his hands and stood, cupping your face. He kissed you soundly, and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

You laughed against his lips as he put his arms around you and lifted you up in the air. He set you down, and you cupped his cheek.

“I know.” You stroked his face. “God, I’m so relieved.” You stood on your toes to kiss his lips briefly.

Troy sighed. “Me too. Let’s grab the rest of what we need and check out the supermarket. Then we’ll need to find a secure place to spend the night.” 

You nodded. “Sounds good.” He gave you one more kiss before he let you go and turned around. 

Before he could leave, you grabbed his belt and pulled him back to you. You tilted your head up, so you could whisper in his ear. “Grab some more condoms, please.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” He said, his pupils dilating slightly.

You followed him back to the store with a grin on your lips. You grabbed a tote bag, ripped off the tag and used it to put in your finds. A couple boxes of crackers, some chocolate (more for you than Troy), as well as some bandages and some pain killers. You also grabbed toothpaste, razors, a couple boxes of pads and tampons, some shampoo and conditioner for yourself, and a hairbrush. 

Troy came into view, holding a black gym bag over his shoulder. “Are you ready?”

“Yep.” You went over to him, and took his hand. You left the store first, and you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw someone checking out the back of the truck. They raised their gun to you, and Troy came out from behind you, aiming his rifle at them. His body was in front of yours, but you looked past him to see who the potential thief was. You gasped.

“Alicia?!”


	11. All of Your Glory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back in school so chapter updates may be a little scarce for a while! Sorry!  
> Enjoy! xo

“Oh my gosh!” You came out from behind Troy and put your hand on his gun so he would lower it. He did, slowly, and Alicia did the same. You walked over to her and she wrapped her arms around you. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Alicia said.

You hugged her back. “I’m fine! It’s good to see you, I heard that you left your mom?”

Alicia let you go and looked at you. She shook her head. “I couldn’t deal with her anymore. I needed to try living by myself.”

You smiled at her. Out of all the Clark’s, Alicia was your favourite. Which wasn’t hard, because you hated Nick, and Madison was just as bad. Alicia was young and brave, and she had taken a liking to you when she had arrived on the ranch. She didn’t understand why you were with Troy, but that didn’t bother you much.

“I’m glad you got away from your mother.” You said.

“Yeah, well, it’s not going to last long. There’s not a lot of water. I’m thinking of going to the dam.”

“Back to her?” Troy said from behind you. You turned your head to look at him. He didn’t look impressed.

Alicia shrugged. “She’s my mom, despite everything. She just wants to protect me.”

Troy raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. 

“Where have you guys been staying?” Alicia asked.

“We’ve just been on the move.” Troy said. “We don’t stay anywhere for too long.”

You tried not to let on that Troy was lying. You looked away from Alicia and to Troy.

“Oh, you guys look pretty well rested.” Alicia said. 

You wouldn't have said the same about her. She looked a little thin, and there were bags under her eyes.

Troy shrugged. “We just started moving again today.”

You looked back at Alicia and smiled. She seemed to have bought it. “Clara, how’s your shoulder?”

“Much better. It’s all good now.” You said.

“Clara?” Troy said.

You turned back to him. “Yeah?”

“We need to find a place for the night.”

“I’ve got a place.” Alicia said. “It’s an old department store.”

You traded a look with Troy.

“You wouldn’t mind?” You said, turning back to Alicia.

“Not at all. I’ll be leaving in the morning, heading for the dam. You guys can join me if you want.”

“We’ll stay for the night.” Troy said, almost reluctantly.

“Okay.”

Alicia pointed to where the store was, and you walked with her there. Troy drove the truck behind the building to keep it hidden from obvious view. 

The store was a little creepy. Mannequins stood tall and scattered around the place. Many of the shelves and displays had been pushed up against the doors and windows. When Troy walked in from out of nowhere, it made you jump a little.

He grinned. He took your waist in his hands. “Did I scare you, baby?”

You swatted at his chest. “Don’t make fun of me.”

He tilted your chin up and pressed his lips against yours. You cupped his face and reciprocated his kiss.

Alicia cleared her throat and you pulled away from Troy, readjusting your ball cap. He didn’t release you until you pushed at him.

“Did you guys want some supper?”

“You have enough to share?” you asked Alicia.

“Yeah, and it shouldn’t take me too long to get to the dam. Don’t worry about it.” She said as she pulled a bucket out from behind a shelf. “Anyone in the mood for mashed potatoes?”

“Potatoes?!” you asked. “Yes, please.”

You all sat quietly, eating the instant potatoes Alicia had made for you. Troy was quiet.

“Thank you, Alicia.” You said.

“You’re welcome.” She swallowed her spoonful. “So, I knew you guys were going to the trading center with my mom and Nick, but obviously you didn’t go to the dam. Did Nick? I know my mom was going, but I’m not so sure about him.”

“Uh, yeah he was at the trading center for a while…” you said. “We left after a couple weeks, and I’m not sure how long he stayed after that.”

Alicia bobbed her head. 

“Maybe he went over to the dam? To join your mother.”

“I hope so. All my mom wanted was to keep us together. I ruined that.” Alicia said, looking down at her hands.

You put your hand on her arm. “You didn’t ruin anything. You’re still a family, even if you’re apart.”

Alicia smiled. “Thanks, Clara.” A slight pause, then, “So when did you guys go back to the ranch?”

You looked up at her in shock. “Pardon?”

“You’ve got on Troy's militia jacket. I know he didn’t take that with him when he was banished.”

“A couple days after we left the trading center, I wanted to bury Jake with my father. So we went to the ranch, buried his body, and grabbed a couple things.” Troy said.

You looked at Alicia, and she looked solemn. You took off your hat and met her eyes.

“I'm sorry that you never got to say goodbye to him.” You said to her. 

“Thanks.” She said quietly.

“Also, I should probably tell you that Ofelia’s gone. She was bitten and died a little after we got to the trading center. I’m sorry, Alicia.”

Alicia looked upset. She nodded slowly and looked down.

You went back to your food. When you were done eating, you glanced at Troy. His face was expressionless.

“You okay?” you asked.

He met your eyes. “Yeah. I’ll take first watch.”

“You shouldn’t need to do that.” Alicia said. “I've been here for a while and nothing has ever happened.”

“I don’t mind.” Troy said. 

“You sure?” You said.

He nodded at you. 

“Okay, well then I’m going to get some sleep. And I don’t want a turn on watch, so don’t wake me up.” Alicia said.

“That's fine. Troy's just paranoid, is all.” You said.

“Am not.” He said stiffly.

“Whatever, see you guys on the morning.” She got up and moved toward a pile of blankets on the floor that was several meters away from the two of you.

You scooted closer to Troy. “I was only kidding.”

He rubbed his fingers over his lips. “It’s fine.”

You pouted up at him. “I’m sorry.”

He kissed your forehead. “It’s fine.”

You relaxed against him and he put his arm around your shoulders. You didn’t say anything else until you were sure that Alicia was asleep. 

You leaned up to whisper directly into his ear. “Do you think she suspects anything?” You kissed his cheek.

“No, I don’t.” 

“Okay. Good.”

Troy kissed your lips soundly before he said, “You should get some sleep.”

You shook your head. “No, I wanna kiss you.”

Troy chuckled but obliged. You grinned into the kiss before you started to lose yourself in it. Troy pulled you onto his lap and gripped your ass. You wrapped your arms around his neck.

You had to pull away when things started to get too heated.

“What?” Troy panted.

“We can’t do this here.” You whispered.

He guided your hips over his groin. “Why not?”

“Because Alicia is right there!”

“So?” he pulled at your hips again.

“I don’t want her to see.” You said.

Troy raised an eyebrow at you, still keeping his grip on your hips.

You held back a sigh. “I don’t think I could be quiet enough.”

Troy smirked, and released your hips. “Okay.” He leaned to whisper in your ear. “As soon as we’re back in a bed, I’m going to fuck you until you can’t scream anymore.”

His words drew arousal out of your core. You sealed your lips to his before you got off him. “I hope that’s a promise.”

“It is.” He winked. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Night.” You shrugged off his jacket and used it as a blanket, and you rested your head on his thigh.

*

You swapped watch with Troy once during the night. You lulled him to sleep by running your fingers through his hair, and merely sat awake with his head in your lap. 

Alicia seemed dead asleep. You didn’t hear anything outside. It was uneventful, and you knew that you were only keeping watch because Troy didn’t trust Alicia.

When it was Troy’s turn again, you woke him by stroking his cheek. His eyes opened and you smiled down at him.

“Your turn, handsome.”

He sat up and placed a gentle kiss on your neck. He gave you a couple more before he let you lie back down. 

You reached up and rubbed your hand over his heart. He grabbed your hand and kissed it. 

Troy was still holding your hand when you woke up in the morning.

“Morning, baby.” He said.

“Hi.” You smiled up at him. You sat up and took a sip of water before you kissed him sweetly. 

You turned to see Alicia rubbing her eyes. “Morning!” you called over.

“Morning.” She said. 

“Troy and I found some crackers if you want some for breakfast.”

She shook her head. “I’m good, but thanks. I’m going to start heading to the dam. Have you guys thought about joining me?”

“It's not really a place for us.” Troy said.

“But thank you for offering.” You added. “I think we're doing okay on our own.”

Alicia stood, and grabbed a bag. “Well, you know where I’ll be.” 

The three of you left the department store and went to your vehicles. Alicia had a Jeep. 

You gave her a hug. “Be safe. I’ll miss you.”

“You too.”

When you let her go, she looked at Troy. You did too. He merely offered her a nod. 

She put her bag in the passenger seat, then turned around to say one last thing. “If you ever see Nick, let him know that I’m back with our mom at the dam.”

You could feel your face blanching. 

“Sure thing.” Troy said.

“I bet he's already there.” You offered.

“I hope so.” Alicia said. She looked the two of you over one more time before she got in the Jeep and drove away.

You leaned against Troy as you watched the Jeep drive out of sight. 

“I don’t think we should leave for another couple hours.” Troy said, still looking in the direction Alicia went.

“Why not?”

“Just a precaution.”

“Okay.”

“Let's check out that supermarket.”

You nodded and you got in the truck so Troy could bring it around to the front of the supermarket. You went in together, knives at the ready to bring down the dead. There were only a couple, and Troy got to them before you could. You sheathed your knife, but Troy kept his out as you grabbed a basket.

He didn’t let you out of his sight after what happened in the convenience store. He left the grabbing of items up to you. 

“Oh my gosh.” 

“What?” Troy asked, looking at you with concern.

You grabbed a package and showed it to him. “Coffee! It might be instant, but still.” You tossed it into your basket. You grabbed some sugar cubes too.

“I'll take instant coffee over nothing.” Troy agreed.

You smiled at him and continued through the store. By the end of your search, you managed to get some more crackers, some tortilla chips, soup, cans of vegetables and fruits, a case of water, ready-made rice, nuts, peanut butter, granola bars, some cereal but obviously and unfortunately no milk. 

You also got more toothpaste and brushes, as well as toilet paper, antibiotic cream, and some shampoo for Troy.

After all your scavenging you managed to collect a pretty good haul. You were glad you made the trip out here.

You looked at Troy. “Are you ready to go now?”

“Yeah. We should go before it gets too late.”

“Alright, then. Let’s go.”

*

The drive back felt shorter, but it was still long. When you and Troy got back to the outpost, it was late afternoon. 

You brought all of the stuff from this haul into the house. You filled the closet in the hall with the toilet paper, and the other bathroom stuff. The cupboards in the kitchen were filled with the food. 

The condoms went on the nightstand, and the other pregnancy tests and your pads and tampons went in the drawers under the bathroom sink.

When everything was put away, and after you had a nice meal consisting of pasta and veggies, you kicked off your boots and flopped down onto the bed. You let out a sigh and stretched your limbs out. You closed your eyes and felt the bed dip. When you opened them, you were staring into a pair of blue eyes. You grinned at Troy as he lowered his face to kiss you. 

“Did you like playing house with me?” you asked when he pulled away.

“Sure. You were very cute today.” He said sincerely.

You giggled. Troy began to kiss your neck softly and you curled your fingers in his hair. You thought about his promise last night and felt wet heat pooling between your legs.

You hooked one of your legs around his waist and brought his face level with yours. You kissed him heatedly and he started to pick up the pace.

He pulled off his shirt, and did the same with yours. His fingers slid down your skin to the button on your jeans and you helped him push them past your hips. He left you in your bra and panties as he sat on the edge of the bed and undid his pants and pulled them off. 

You wet your lips when you saw his erection straining against his boxers. You sat up and crawled behind him. You placed your mouth on the back of his neck, teasing his skin with your tongue. You quietly took off your bra and let it drop behind you on the bed. You ran your hands up his chest as you kissed down his spine, feeling him sigh at your actions. You moved your lips up his shoulder blade and ended at the spot where his neck and shoulder met.

You pressed your bare breasts against his back and Troy tilted his head back. He took one of your hands and gave it a kiss before he got off the bed. He turned and stared down at you.

“Lay down.” He said.

You did as he said. He grabbed your hips and pulled you so your butt was at the end of the bed. He pulled your panties off, and you put your feet on the end of the mattress, bending your knees and spreading your legs for him.

“Good girl.” Troy said, running his hands up your thighs as he lowered himself to his knees. “You’re already so wet, aren't you?” 

“I’ve been thinking about your promise.” You said. You ran your fingers up your stomach and cupped your breasts in your hands. You saw his pupils dilate as you began to massage them.

“I never break my promises.” He said. “First, I’ve just got to taste you.”

And then his tongue was below your entrance, and swiping up through your folds to your clit. He did this a couple times before he started fluttering his tongue over your clit. You tilted your head back with a moan.

You gasped when you felt him drag two fingers down your folds and push them inside you. You continued making soft, pleasured sounds as Troy began thrusting his fingers inside you while keeping his mouth over your clit. 

With your feet against the bed, you were able to buck your hips easily, and when Troy curled his fingers inside you, you began to do so.

“Troy, I’m close.” You gasped out.

He didn’t respond verbally, other than maybe a moan you felt as a vibration against your clit. He rubbed that spot inside you, making your toes curl, as he continued his assault on your clit.

You pinched your nipples as you felt the pressure winding up, and you moved your hips against his face as you sought out your release. When you felt it, you shouted once before you curled both your hands in his hair and came. Troy kept rubbing that spot inside you and stroking your clit with his tongue until you begged him to stop.

Your chest was rising and falling quickly as you watched him suck his fingers into his mouth. Then he swiped the back of his hand over his lips and chin.

“I love making you come.” He said.

“Then get up here and do it again.” You panted.

As you relocated back to the pillows, Troy opened a box of condoms and ripped one off the chain. He pulled off his boxers and rolled it down his shaft.

He climbed on top of you and cupped your face. He didn’t kiss you though. You pressed your cheek against his hand.

“I love you.” Troy said, gazing down at you.

You smiled at him. “I love you, Troy.”

He kissed you then, gently and sweetly. You cradled the back of his head in your hand. You loved how soft he was with you. That he was only ever like that with you. But right now you didn't need him to be soft. 

“I want you.” You said against his lips. You reached down and grabbed his member in your hand, guiding it through your folds.

He pushed his hips forward and sunk himself into you. He dropped his forehead onto yours as you adjusted to his girth. After a minute, you kissed his lips to signal that you were ready.

He began with slow thrusts, driving into you forcefully. You wrapped your arms around his back and he started moving faster, drawing moans out of your mouth.

“Does it feel good, having me inside you?” Troy asked huskily.

You nodded. “Yes.”

He flattened his palm against your stomach, then dragged it up so he could tease your breasts. You bucked your hips against his.

Suddenly, Troy flipped your body up so you were sitting on top of him, balancing you with his hands on your waist. Your hands fell to his stomach.

“Ride me, baby.” He said.

Your hips were already bucking against his, and you moved your hands to his chest as you started to raise your hips and slam them back down. He felt so good rubbing against your walls, and you chased the feeling.

As you felt yourself getting closer, you threw your head back and shifted your hands behind you to grip his thighs.

You heard Troy groan at the display of your body before him, and you let out your own groan when he started rubbing your clit.

Your hips moved erratically and you pressed yourself against him hard as your walls started pulsing. You ground your center against his pubic bone and then you were coming, and a wail of pleasure left your lips.

You hadn't even finished coming when Troy flipped you onto your back and started pounding into you. You moaned in pleasure as he took your leg and pulled it up over his shoulder.

“Fuck, your walls are still squeezing me.” He muttered.

His pace was so fast, you almost couldn’t think straight as your body was building another orgasm before you were even done with the first. You squeezed your eyes shut, overwhelmed with pleasure. Your hands fisted the pillow beside your head.

“Oh my god.” You panted. “Troy!”

“Love it when you say my name like that.” Troy professed. “Love making you moan.”

You moaned again and cried out when Troy shifted to his knees, pulling your ass onto his lap. He gripped the headboard with the arm your leg was over, and began driving down into you.

He was so deep inside you, hitting the back of you with every thrust. This is what made you scream in pleasure, pleading for him to keep going, begging him not to stop. You couldn’t make out anymore intelligible words as Troy fucked you, merely reduced to screams as he stroked your clit.

“Come, Clara.” Troy demanded, and you opened your eyes as you felt your body obeying him. Your walls were fluttering rapidly and you felt light headed as you orgasmed around him.

Troy buried himself deep inside you and filled the condom, staring down into your eyes.

When your hips stilled, Troy pulled out, took off the condom and collapsed down onto the bed beside you.

You were both silent as you caught your breath, and you thought you might have even blacked out for a moment. 

“Are you okay? Was that… too much?” Troy asked, when a few minutes had passed and you still hadn’t moved.

You shook your head dazedly and glanced over at him. “I’m fine. But I definitely couldn’t handle that all the time.” Your voice sounded raw.

Troy chuckled, and swiped his hand over his forehead. “I couldn’t either. Want to go clean up?”

You closed your eyes. “No.”

You could hear his smirk in his voice. “Want _me_ to clean you up?”

You made a satisfied hum, and Troy chuckled softly. He got off the bed and went into the washroom, bringing out a warm washcloth to gently clean between your legs.

You burrowed under the blankets after he left and waited for him to return. When he did, he lay on his stomach and you slid over to him. You rested your cheek on top of his shoulder blade.

“I love you.” You said softly.

“I love you too, baby.” 

You closed your eyes, enjoying the peaceful moment. After a few minutes, Troy shifted and you got off him. He rolled onto his back and pulled you against his side. You pressed your nose against his neck and traced your fingers over his chest.

“It was weird that we saw Alicia.” Troy said after a while.

“Yeah. Poor thing, out there alone. She's so young.”

“She's survived this long, so she knows what she's doing. That’s why I don’t get why she's going back to Madison.”

“It's hard being alone.” You said. After your mother died, you were only by yourself for a couple days before Troy found you. And those days felt like years.

“I guess you're right.” His voice sounded far away.

You knew he wasn’t in a good space after he was exiled from the ranch, considering he gathered hundreds of the dead to obliterate the ranch.

You kissed his neck. “We don’t have to be alone ever again.” 

“I'm glad I have you, Clara.” He said seriously.

“You always will, Troy. I’m yours.”

“I was so different before I found you. You’ve made me better. And I’m still not good, so you can imagine what I was like before.”

“None of that matters anymore.” You dismissed.

Troy shook his head. “I ruined lives. I killed for my own fascination, or out of anger. That’s fucked up, and you forgave me. I don’t think I deserved it.”

You didn’t know what to say. 

“Sometimes I still wonder if I deserve you.” He murmured.

You lifted your head and cupped his jaw. You kissed him soundly and gazed into his eyes when you pulled away. “I chose you. I want you in all of your glory.”

He gave you a soft smile, and you kissed him again. He cradled the back of your head, deepening the kiss.

You gave him a final peck before you snuggled back against him. 

“I’ll always choose you, baby.” You said sleepily.

Troy didn’t reply but he rubbed his hand over your shoulder.

Seconds after your eyes closed, exhaustion pulled you into a deep sleep.


	12. This Is What It Takes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, can't believe this story is almost at 800 views! Thank you to everyone reading this story. I'm really hoping that you are enjoying it, because I enjoy writing it :)  
> Sorry this chapter took so long to post. I was busy with midterms but here is the next chapter!  
> Enjoy, and let me know what you think ♡  
> xo

When you woke up, Troy was still sound asleep. You felt an insistent ache between your legs, and your hip hurt from your leg being stretched over Troy’s shoulder. You weren’t lying when you told him that you were fine last night, but now you felt the pain. You wondered if you'd be able to walk normally.

Troy was spooning you from behind, his left arm draped over your torso. You gently grasped his wrist and looked at the scar on the back of his hand. Then you turned his hand over and pushed his fingers out with your other hand, so you could examine his palm. He had slender fingers, making his hands seem delicate but they were callused from years of hard work. The scar was shiny and pink against the lines of his palm and you traced it with your fingers softly. You felt Troy sigh behind you. 

“What are you doing?” he asked sleepily.

“Nothing.” You said lightly. “Just waiting for you to get up.”

He closed his fingers around yours. “I’m not getting up yet.” He nuzzled the back of your neck.

“Fine by me.” You sighed. “I don’t think I can move.”

“I thought you said you would tell me if I hurt you.” Troy said, his voice hardening. He let you go and rolled away from you and onto his back.

You turned your head and looked at him. He was pinching the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t _hurt_ me, Troy. I’m just a little sore. Which should be expected after-”

He sighed heavily, and you stopped talking. “I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have been so rough.” His eyes pierced yours. 

“I liked it.” You said demurely, turning over fully. “I wanted you that way.”

“Do you mean that?” he sounded doubtful.

“I do.” You said, gently cupping his face with your hand. “I love the way you fuck me Troy, and I told you that I would tell you if you were ever hurting me.”

Troy shook his head. “You're so amazing. You're so perfect.” He said, dumbfounded.

You giggled at his awestruck eyes. “Tell me more.”

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, so smart and strong and sexy.” He rolled on top of you and began kissing your neck softly. 

You laughed a little as his lips tickled your skin. You curled your fingers in his hair. You sighed contently.

He kissed up your jaw and then your lips. 

He settled against you, his cheek pressed against your collar bone and his arm around your torso. You combed your fingers through his hair lazily.

“I think of you the same way, you know.” You said.

“Hmm?”

“You. Strong, smart, hardest worker I’ve ever met. Not to mention the most stunning man I’ve ever laid my eyes on.”

You could hear the smile in his voice. “Stunning?”

“Mm hmm. Stunning, staggeringly handsome, super fucking hot.” You ended dramatically, and Troy chuckled against your neck.

“Funny.” He said.

“It’s true.” You said.

He kissed your skin in reply.

There was a comfortable silence, and then Troy spoke softly.

“You know, before I met you, I didn’t really care what other people thought of me. I always tried to get my father’s approval and to stop disappointing my brother, but anyone else? They didn't matter.”

“So, how’d I change your mind?” You tugged on a lock of his hair playfully.

“I don’t know. Something about you struck me.” His voice changed a little. “I remember the way you looked at me when you saw who I really was, and how my father treated me for it. And I never forgot the look on your face. It bothered me, and I didn’t want to see it ever again.”

You remembered that night. You'd only been on the ranch for a few hours. Troy had found you and brought you there, and you'd stuck to him like glue, not only because he was your knight in shining armor, but because you felt alone and afraid after losing your mother. You weren’t ready to meet new people yet.

Then, Jeremiah came to Troy, yelling at him about the things he had heard his son was doing when they went off on runs. It had frightened you, learning about his experiments and fascination with the dead. Jake told you about Troy and how he had suffered from a violent mental illness since he was a child. And then Troy started to open up to you, letting you into his life the way no one else had before.

“Did you see it again?” you asked quietly.

Troy hesitated before he spoke. “Almost more than I could bare.”

“I’m sorry.” You whispered.

Troy raised his head and kissed you slowly. “You don’t need to apologize. It's me, it's always me.”

You stared into his eyes, not sure what you were reading in them. Finally, you said, “I love you, Troy.”

He lay back down beside you and stared up at the ceiling. “I love you, too.”

*

A couple quiet days passed by at the outpost. You were doing some laundry outside and Troy was trying to patch some of the holes in the barn. 

You stretched out your back and noticed something in the distance. It looked like some people were on there way to the outpost. You could make out two bodies. It could have been some Infected, but they were walking in too straight of a line to not be human.

You hung up the shirt you had in the bucket on the ground and went to the barn to tell Troy. 

“Troy?” You called when you walked in.

“Yeah?” he was on the second level.

“Come down here. I think there are people coming.”

“People?” Troy said in disbelief.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Two. It’s not the dead.”

He put down his tools and climbed down the ladder. He walked past you and looked off in the distance. He shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand.

“Shit. Yeah, that’s not the dead.” He muttered. He went into the house and you followed him.

“What are you doing? They’ve definitely seen us.”

He didn’t speak in reply, instead he showed you that he was getting your hand gun. 

“You're just going to kill them?” You asked, staring at the gun.

“Not if I don’t have to. But if they try hurting you or stealing our stuff, then I might.” He shook the gun. “Take it.” He said firmly.

You searched his eyes for a second before you reached for it and then tucked it into the back of your pants. Troy got his own gun and put it in the side of his waistband.

“Let me handle this.” He said.

“Alright.” You said, raising your hands to your shoulders as if to prove you weren’t going to fight him on this. 

He took your waist and pulled your body to his swiftly, and then he kissed you deeply. He released you just as quickly and walked out of the house, leaving you a little breathless.

You followed him and got back to washing and hanging up the laundry. Troy leaned against the house, one knee bent with his foot against the wall.

A couple minutes later, you heard the strangers approaching. You turned and looked at them. One of them raised their hand to you.

You glanced back at Troy, but he remained against the wall. 

“Hey there,” the man called, lowering his hand. He was probably around 40 years old, and the other guy with him looked like he was in his early thirties.

“Where you coming from?” Troy called back.

“Just north of Tijuana.” The man answered. “Drought’s pretty bad.”

“It sure is.” Troy said.

The younger man spoke up. “You wouldn't happen to know where we could find any water, would ya?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” was all Troy said.

The younger man shook his head. “You kids out here all alone, washing your clothes, looking pretty healthy to me. Or just looking pretty,” he said, giving you a wink that made your stomach turn, “And you got no water?”

“Kinda hard to believe.” The older man said.

“That so?” Troy said, pushing off the wall and stepping forward. He put his hand on his hip, moving aside his unbuttoned shirt to reveal the gun tucked against his side.

The older man raised his hands to his shoulders. “Hey now, let’s not let anything get out of hand.”

“Tell your friend to watch his mouth.” Troy said.

“Sorry about him.” He said. “He's harmless, really.”

The younger man moved suddenly and pulled out a pistol. Troy reacted quickly and had his own gun out, aiming at the stranger who was aiming at you. You froze in place.

“Real harmless I see.” Troy snarled.

The older man sighed. “I wanted to avoid all of this. Listen, we just want some water, maybe some food if you can spare, and we'll be on our way.”

Troy tilted his head. “Oh yeah? That simple, huh?”

“It can be.”

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Troy said in an overly compassionate tone. “Baby, why don’t you bring these gentlemen some water. And a couple cans.” 

“Seriously?” you asked, your eyes narrowed.

“Do as I say, please.” Troy said in a neutral voice. His eyes were still trained on the guy with his gun out, but he glanced at you briefly. You trusted him, so you nodded.

“I have to go with her.” The older man said.

Troy scoffed. “Oh, do you?”

“Just a precaution, don’t want you pulling any more guns on us.”

“Same goes to you,” you spat. “And you better keep your distance, because I can scream real loud.”

“We don’t have to worry about anything like that.”

You looked at Troy one more time. He nodded to you. “Go on.”

You held back a sigh and glared at the man as he followed you into the house. Your fingers itched for the gun in the back of your pants, but instead you grabbed some bottled water and 2 cans of soup. You waved them at the man, but only handed him one of each.

“Get out.” You said. “Then your friend will get these.”

He did as you said, and you both went back outside. Troy and the younger guy still had their guns pointing at each other.

“Alright everybody, it looks like this all worked out.” The older man said.

“Come on, they can give us more than that.” The younger one said.

“That’s what you asked for, and what we have so kindly agreed to give to you.” Troy said tightly.

He shook his head. “No, now I’m thinking you might give us a little more if you don’t want us to come back, or if you don’t want a pretty little hole in her chest.”

Troy’s tone raised goosebumps on the back of your neck. “Did you really just threaten her?”

“I guess I’ll need to do a bit of a better job.” He nodded at the older man, who then lunged forwards and grabbed you. 

You dropped what was in your hands as he pulled you against him. You let out a yell in frustration, but it ended as a gasp when you heard a gunshot.

The younger man collapsed to the ground.

You heard another gunshot, this one felt louder. You felt something splatter your cheek and the man's hold on you slackened as he fell to the ground.

You stumbled away and watched Troy pull a knife from his belt as he walked over to the younger man's body. He stuck it in the guy's eye, pulled it out and then looked back at you.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

You nodded numbly, and he came over to you. You touched your cheek and pulled your hand back to see dark blood staining your fingers.

Troy took your hand and you stared up at him. Neither of you said anything for a moment.

“He was going to hurt you. And they wouldn’t have left us alone.” Troy finally said.

You nodded and cast your eyes down, staring at the bullet hole in the man's forehead. “I know. I’m glad you’ve got such good aim.”

“I wouldn’t have risked it if I thought I might hit you instead.”

Your eyes met his. “I know.”

Troy squeezed your fingers before he let go of your hand. He knelt down and plunged his knife into the dead man’s temple. A few times. 

You put your hand on Troy’s shoulder and he stopped. His head dropped, and he sighed. You felt overcome with emotion, but you weren’t sure if you were sad, angry, or just tired.

Troy wiped the blade on the man's shirt and stuck it back in his belt. He stood up, picking up the man's legs.

“What are you going to do with them?” you asked.

“I’m gonna toss them over the edge.” He said, nodding to the cliff. 

You stared in that direction, thinking of the time you almost fell to your death there.

“You don’t have to help. This is my mess.” Troy said.

You dragged your eyes back to his. “Are you sure?” 

He nodded. “Go clean up and finish what you were doing, okay? I can take care of this.”

You held his gaze for a moment longer before you nodded. You picked up the dropped cans and water and went inside the house, putting them back in the kitchen. You went into the bathroom and turned on the tap, quickly washing away the blood on your face.

You dried your face with a towel and went back outside. Troy was almost at the edge of the cliff. You went around to the side the house and got back to hanging up the clothes.

A few minutes later, Troy returned and dragged the second body away. When he was done, you were finished hanging the laundry.

Troy scratched at the scruff on his chin as he approached you. He looked like he was in deep thought.

“What’s going on in your head?” you asked cautiously when he was in front of you.

He raised his eyes to yours. He dropped his hand to his side. “Where did they really come from? Why would they be anywhere near here, there’s not really a clear road coming out this way.”

You furrowed your brow. “What do you mean?”

“A few days ago, we see Alicia, who’s leaving to find her mother and brother. But she’s not going to find her brother, since we killed him. But her and Madison know that we were the last to see him. And now two random strangers show up here?” He sucked his teeth, shaking his head. 

“You’re thinking this wasn’t so random after all.” You said, realizing what he meant.

He shook his head.

“Okay, so what now? They’re dead.” You said.

“Then I guess we should be expecting a visit from the Clark’s. Or what’s left of them, anyway.” Troy said.

You didn’t know what to say. You felt a pit of dread growing in your stomach. Sure, Troy didn’t hesitate to kill Nick, but Madison might be a different story.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Troy inquired.

You crossed your arms over your chest, but it wasn’t in a stern manner. “What are you going to do if they do show up?”

“You don’t think it’s going to end up the same way it did right now?”

You shrugged. “Is that what you want?”

Troy’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“Do you want Madison dead?”

He looked at you hard. “Sure, if she figures out that we killed Nick. Or if she tries to hurt you.”

You held his eyes. 

“Don’t believe me?” Troy asked, tilting his head.

“I don’t know.”

“Why not?” Troy pressed.

“Because of all the opportunities you had to kill her that you didn’t take. Remember how you told me that you almost killed her when Walker made you guys walk back to the ranch without shoes? You vented to me as I took care of you. I know how bad you wanted to kill her then. She almost spooned out your eye, and then she got you banished from your home, and I’m sure she would have killed your father if Nick hadn’t-”

“Enough.” Troy said. It was firm, but not harsh. 

You pressed your lips together tightly but couldn’t stop yourself from saying one last thing. “She would kill you in a heartbeat if she knew you were behind what happened to the ranch.”

His eyes pierced yours. His expression was hard. “And what would you do?” He asked harshly.

“What?”

“If you were me,” he asked, “what would you do?”

You blinked. “I’d kill her.”

Troy shook his head. “I thought you didn’t want me to be like that anymore. Like _this_.” He said, gesturing at the blood that splattered the ground.

“I don’t want you to be like that _without reason_. They were trying to hurt us, Troy. And Madison will too.” You said firmly.

Troy eyed you. “What about Alicia?”

“What about her?”

“Want me to kill her too?”

You furrowed your brow. “Not if you don’t have to.”

Troy shook his head and walked into the house. You tilted your head back and sighed before you followed him.

He was sitting on the couch, head tilted back with one hand squeezing the outer corners of his eyes. You went right over to him and straddled his lap. You didn’t touch him otherwise though, and he dropped his hand to look at you.

“I’m sorry that the things I say might be a little controversial.” You said quietly. 

Troy lifted his head off the couch but didn’t say anything. You couldn’t quite read his eyes.

“My first resolution for a problem hasn’t really been to kill somebody, but if that’s what it comes down to, then I’ll even do it myself if it means that you’ll be safe.”

Troy nodded.

“If that’s your first resolution, then that’s okay, Troy.” He looked confused, so you cupped his cheek. “I know you’re willing to do what’s necessary. I’m sorry for what I said about Madison.”

Troy sighed, pressing his cheek against your hand. “It's okay.” He said.

“Are you sure?” You bit your lip.

He nodded, placing his hands on your thighs. “After all she's put me through, I _should_ kill her.”

“Honestly, Troy, I think we might have to.” You stroked his cheek with your thumb.

He squeezed your thighs gently. “I will if she doesn’t believe that we don’t know what happened to Nick. I will if she tries to hurt you.”

“And I will if she tries to hurt _you_. If this is what it takes to keep us safe.” You replied.

“But if we kill Madison, Alicia will know that we killed Nick too. And I’m the reason Travis is dead, so I’m sure she won’t really want to let me get away with any of it.”

You held back a sigh. Alicia was young, and she used to be your friend. But if she tried anything to hurt you or Troy, then none of that mattered.

“We'll just have to wait and see what happens, I guess.” You said.

Troy rolled his tongue over his teeth, eyes holding yours before he answered. “Alright.”

You continued to softly stroke his skin, and he raised his hands up from your thighs to your hips. You still couldn’t really read his eyes.

You stuck your bottom lip out slightly. You tapped his chin once. “Are we okay?”

Troy’s hands squeezed your waist lightly. “Yeah.”

You leaned in close but stopped when your lips were a breath away from his. “Are you sure?” you whispered. 

Troy nodded and pressed his lips against yours gently.

You swiped your tongue over his bottom lip gently before you pulled away.

You gazed into his eyes, savoring his closeness in case you never got this again. “I love you, Troy. I love you so much.”

He glanced at your lips, and gave them another peck. “I love you too.”


	13. If I Lose Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry it's been so long for another chapter. I hate to keep you guys waiting, but as always, I don't have a set plan for this story. I just make it up as I go. I also had midterms and just other school things to work on but I am finally done the next chapter.  
> I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!! :)

She came sooner than you thought, and she came alone.

You came out of the bedroom, having just used the washroom. You were tired and wanted to see if Troy would come to bed even though you were sure he wouldn’t sleep tonight.

When you entered the living room, you stopped dead in your tracks when you saw Madison standing there, pointing a gun at Troy, who had his hands raised to his shoulders. He was sitting on the couch, and he looked a little bored.

You tried to move back to the bedroom to grab your gun, but Madison stopped you.

“Take another step and I’ll pull the trigger.” She said calmly.

You remained where you were and raised your hands like Troy. Time to put on your innocent act. “Madison, is that you? What's going on?” you asked, as if you were confused.

“I need to ask you two some questions.” She said.

“Okay, why do you need the gun?” you asked. 

“Just a precaution.” She said to you with a tight smile. The gun remained pointed at Troy.

“Well, ask away.” Troy prompted. 

“Where's my son?” Madison asked, and her question seemed more directed at Troy. “Where is Nick?”

You glanced at Troy's face, but he kept his eyes on Madison as he spoke.

“We figured he went to be with you after we left the trading center. Where's Alicia?” Troy changed the subject with a tilt of his head. “We saw her the other day. She said she was going back to you.”

You saw Madison's features harden, and the hand holding the gun waivered slightly. You could tell Troy had struck a nerve even though he was only asking to see if Madison had back up. “She came to the dam. But we were preparing for a fight and she didn’t want any part of it. She said she was done with what humanity had become.”

Troy rolled his tongue over his teeth. He lowered his hands slowly and crossed his arms over his chest. “Can't say I blame her, to be honest.”

“What do you know about humanity?” Madison scoffed.

Troy shrugged. “I’ve made observations.” Was all he said.

Now you spoke up. “A fight?”

Madison looked at you. “For the water. The dam has been closed and the drought has been bad. The people started to riot because they didn’t think they were getting enough water.”

“That’s awful.” You said. “Is everyone okay?”

Madison shook her head roughly. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here about Nick.”

It was then that you knew she had come alone, no back up. Those two men were the only people she had on her side. You had learned to read some things about Madison, having watched her manipulate Troy. She was desperate and alone.

“We don’t know where he is.” Troy said.

“Bullshit.” Madison spat. “Nick would have come to the dam, since Alicia left us. But he never showed up.”

“What does that have to do with us?” you asked.

“You were the last to see him.”

“I’m pretty sure the folks at the trading center would have been the last to see him.” Troy cut in.

“Well, he's not at the trading center. And Alicia told me something didn’t feel right when she talked to you. You were her friend, Clara. She learned how to read you.”

You said nothing.

“Look, maybe he just wanted to go off on his own. You know why he stayed at the trading center, right?” Troy said patronizingly. “He thought it was fun. Maybe he went to have fun somewhere else.”

You wondered if maybe Troy shouldn’t have said that, but Madison didn’t look too angry.

“He knew how upset I was about Alicia. He wouldn’t have kept that up for long before he came to me. But it’s been far too long.”

“Listen Madison, we don’t know where Nick is.” You said, taking a couple steps closer. “He kept trying to get Troy to hang out with him, every time we saw him he was either drunk or high. Troy finally had to tell him to leave us alone. We didn’t leave things on good terms with Nick when we left, so that’s probably why Alicia thought something was up.”

Madison’s face was hard.

“I'm really sorry, Madison. But we don’t know where Nick is.” You said.

“I know something’s not right. I’m sure Nick ended up in the same place as the two guys I sent here earlier today.”

You were surprised to hear her admit that. You waited for Troy to speak up, for what angle he'd play at. But his jaw was clenched tight.

“What are you talking-” you started, but Madison cut you off by reaching into her pocket with her free hand and pulling out a scope. She dropped it on the floor and it rolled over to your feet.

You glanced down at it as it hit the toe of your boot.

“I saw it all. And you’ve been lying to my face this whole time.” Madison spat. “I thought better of you, Clara.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest. 

“I kill anyone who threatens Clara. Simple as that.” Troy said lethally. He and Madison were staring each other down. 

“Are you trying to tell me that my son threatened her?”

“Oh, there’s more than just that. Clara never got shot by a stray bullet at the ranch. Nick shot her.” Troy said.

“Why the hell would he have shot Clara?”

“Because,” Troy started, slowly standing up from the couch, “I brought the horde down onto the ranch.”

You saw Madison's finger twitch on the trigger and you were in action before you could think. You moved forward and pulled Madison’s arm in your direction, and her shot went wide, missing Troy. Madison shoved you away from her and hit you across the face with her gun.

Your cheekbone radiated with pain, and you let out a sharp gasp as your vision blurred and you stumbled to the floor. 

You heard Troy swear but couldn’t see anything as you lay on the ground, trying to clear your vision and rid your head of the fog that had entered it.

You heard them struggling for the gun, and then it clattered to the ground. You thought you saw it a few feet from you, but your vision was still blurry. 

You kicked your leg out toward Madison’s feet, causing her to trip and fall. After you watched her hit the floor, you saw her reach for something tucked in her belt.

It was a hammer.

She swung it at Troy, and it hit him in the leg. You didn’t hear it hit bone, but Troy yelled in pain and fell to his knees. Madison was on her knees now too, and you watched her raise her hammer.

She was going to swing for his head.

You scrambled over to Madison's gun, and picked it up. Still on the ground, you aimed it at Madison.

“Madison stop!” you yelled.

She glanced over at you, but you watched her arm move in a backswing.

You pulled the trigger. Your ears rang from the shot. Her body seized, and a moment later, the hammer fell from her hand, thudding against the floor.

You watched, heart racing, as blood began to stain her shirt. It oozed from her side, and blood painted her lips. You'd hit her in the ribs.

You looked at Troy, and he was staring at Madison's face. 

Madison sat back on her butt, but her hand reached for the hammer. Troy's hand shot out and wrapped around her throat. Madison's hands grabbed at his wrist as he forced her flat on the floor.

You watched the veins in his arm pop as he crushed Madison’s throat.

He leaned in so she could hear him speak. “Don’t worry, Madison. We'll bury you with your son.”

Her eyes bulged, and she tried to gulp in air. You watched her struggle against Troy, but he was too strong. Madison slowly stopped moving, her hands falling from Troy's around her neck. Her eyes went dull, but Troy didn’t stop. You put down the gun and crawled over to Troy.

You put your hand on his arm. He was shaking. “Troy, stop.” You said.

He didn’t seem to hear you, so you grasped his forearm and squeezed. “Troy!” This time you yelled.

His eyes flicked to yours, and he seemed to come back to you. He let go abruptly and sat down heavily. He pushed himself backward until his back was against the couch.

He stared at Madison’s body for a moment before he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He let out a deep sigh before he dropped his hand, opening his eyes. 

Troy held his hand out to you and you took it. He pulled you to him and you straddled his lap. He put his hand on the cheek that Madison didn’t hit.

“Are you okay? You're bleeding.” 

You raised your hand to your cheekbone and gingerly touched it. You hissed in pain and looked down at your fingers. There was blood, but it didn’t seem like a lot.

“I’m not gonna lie, it hurts. But I'll be fine. How’s your leg? I can’t believe she hit you with a fucking hammer.”

Troy shrugged. “Nothing’s broken.”

“Are you sure?” You cupped his jaw and tapped his chin.

He nodded. “You saved me.”

“I told you I would.” You said softly. “I’m glad this didn’t turn out a different way.”

Troy glanced at your lips, then back to your eyes. “I am too.”

You leaned forward and kissed him gently. Troy curled his hand in the hair at back of your head, deepening the kiss but you put your hand on his chest to stop him.

“We've got to deal with her.” You said, opening your eyes. His blue ones pierced yours.

“Okay.” He let you go and you got off him. 

Troy winced in pain when he put weight on his leg.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine.” He dismissed.

“Let me see it.” You insisted. 

Troy huffed out a sigh but sat down on the couch. You knelt on the floor and untucked his pant leg from his boot. You pushed the fabric up his leg slowly until you got to his mid leg, where you saw a large red welt. It was already swelling.

“I wish we had some ice.” You said. “So, you’re sure it didn’t break anything?”

“Yes.” Troy said. He sounded impatient.

“Well, sorry for being concerned.” You huffed, standing up abruptly. 

You walked into the bedroom and grabbed your knife. You tucked it into your belt and walked back to the living room. Troy was fixing his pants in his boots.

You grabbed Madison’s feet and lifted them to your hips.

“Let me do that.” Troy said.

You ignored him and dragged Madison's body out of the house.

The sun had almost disappeared from the sky. You headed in the direction to where Nick’s remains were buried. You still remembered how many steps it was from the house. When you got there, you dropped Madison's legs.

Troy was behind you, carrying a shovel. You pulled your knife from your belt and plunged it into Madison's temple.

You looked at Troy's face before you pulled it back out. His eyes were hard.

“Alright,” you wiped your blade on Madison's shirt. “You can start digging.”

“You don’t think we should burn the body?”

“Why the fuck does it matter? We burned Nick’s, but Madison still knew. I feel like since Alicia left her twice, she’s not going to come back looking for her.”

Troy was silent a moment before he said, “Okay.” 

He drove the shovel into dirt and you sat on the ground a few feet away from him.

You looked at the lifeless body. You would never understand how you'd managed to bury 2 bodies in a period of months. The world had gone to shit, and apparently so had your conscience. Why didn’t this bother you?

You had killed a woman, and not long ago you had killed her son. You thought about what Troy used to be involved with, and your stomach turned. You feared you were becoming insensitive to everything, like Troy had been.

Was that what you were now? A cold, senseless killer?

Troy hopped out of the shallow grave and pushed Madison’s body into it. 

He looked at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes. He wiped his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand.

“You okay?” he asked.

You shrugged.

“Clara, it’s okay if you’re not.”

You pushed some dirt into the grave with your hand. “I just want to go to sleep,” was all you said.

Troy said nothing else and began to fill the grave. When he was done, you stood and stared at the dirt before you walked back to the house.

You took off your boots and pants when you got into the bedroom, slid your bra off from beneath your shirt, and crawled into bed.

Troy entered a few minutes later, and he slipped under the sheets behind you after he stripped off his clothes.

“I'm sorry.” Troy finally.

You let out a deep sigh and rolled onto your back. You stared at the ceiling. “I hate this.”

“What does that mean?” Troy asked after a beat.

“I have _killed_ 2 people.”

“Technically, I killed Madison.”

You turned your head to glare at him. “Is this a fucking competition or something?”

“No,” Troy said sternly, eyes piercing yours. “What I meant was that you only killed Nick. And you were giving him mercy. He was bleeding out because I literally slit his throat open.”

“I shot Madison. I’m pretty sure her lung was collapsing.”

“And I crushed her trachea, I suffocated her.”

You scrubbed a hand down your face. “I just don’t think I’m processing this properly. All of this death and I don’t feel the way I should.”

“And what exactly are you supposed to feel?”

“I don’t know. _Something._ I should feel bad. But I honestly don't. I don’t feel a thing.”

“Who says you have to?” Troy asked quietly.

You turned on your side and snuggled up against him. “Forget about it. I’m tired.”

“I know I used to kill for my own fascination-”

You stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. “Stop, Troy. That's in the past, okay? You're not like that anymore.”

Troy took your hand and twined his fingers with yours. “I’m not so sure about that.” He said absently.

You pulled away from him and sat up. “What do you mean?” Troy bit his lip, and you squeezed his hand. “You can tell me anything, Troy.”

“When I shot those guys, it felt _good_.”

“Because they were going to hurt me.” You said dismissively.

Troy shook his head. “When I had my fingers around Madison’s throat, I felt her struggling to breath, I watched the light fade from her eyes and it gave me a rush.”

You didn’t really know what to say. It didn’t please you to hear that, but it wasn’t like Troy's illness would ever just go away.

“Madison manipulated you for weeks, and she tried to kill you. If I were you I think I would have felt the same.” You said.

Troy looked at you carefully. “Yeah?”

You nodded and leaned down to kiss him gently before you snuggled back against him. He wrapped you tight in his arms.

“But nothing gives me a rush like you do.” Troy said softly.

You pressed your nose into his neck. “You mean that?”

Troy kissed your hair. “I do.”

You raised your face so it was level with his. You gazed into his eyes briefly before you pressed your lips against his. He let you control the kiss for a little before he pushed you onto your back.

His tongue prodded your lips, so you opened your mouth for him. You moaned when his tongue glided against yours. The pain in your cheekbone faded as your body became overwhelmed with the pleasure Troy was bringing you.

You adjusted your legs, hooking one around his waist and letting him settle against your center. Troy dragged his hand down your chest and squeezed your breast gently. You moaned again, and Troy moved his kisses down your throat.

“I love when you moan like that.” He whispered after his tongue had traced a path up to your ear.

His hand slipped beneath your shirt, teasing your skin before he dragged the fabric up, exposing your breast for his mouth. Troy wrapped his hand around your breast, dragging his tongue over your nipple before he closed his lips around it. You felt your arousal dripping out of you. You curled your fingers in his hair, and after he had sucked your nipple into a hard tip, he switched to give the other one the same attention. 

When he was satisfied with his work, he kissed your lips one last time before he moved down your body so his face was level with your core.

You planted your feet against the bed and Troy took off your underwear. He delicately spread your lips apart with two fingers and groaned in the back of his throat.

“You get so wet for me, baby. You’re dripping.”

You whined and tried to bring his face closer to where you wanted him. 

“Do you want me to taste you?” he asked sensually.

You nodded vehemently. “Please, Troy. I want you so bad. Please…”

“Look at you, begging for me.” Troy kissed your inner thigh, and you groaned. “Keep making those little sounds for me, baby. You’re so sexy.”

Then his mouth was on you, his tongue tracing your folds and lapping your arousal into his mouth. You let out a high-pitched whine. Troy’s tongue moved up to your clit and you tightened your thighs around his head, but he pushed one leg out with a strong hand. He used his other to drag his fingers through your folds and in and out of your entrance.

You let Troy’s actions push any thoughts of Madison and Nick to the back of your mind. All you knew was Troy’s hands and mouth on you.

He made you come twice before he swiped his tongue through your folds one last time. He crawled up your body and kissed you, after he wiped his mouth and chin.

You almost couldn’t pucker your lips to reciprocate his kiss. “Mmm,” you mumbled against his lips. You threw your arm around his shoulders, digging your fingers into his skin.

“Did you like that?” Troy murmured sensually.

You opened your eyes, looking into his lust-blown pupils. “Mm-hmm. You make me feel so good, baby.” You bit your lip and trailed your hand down his back. You pushed your fingers past the waistband of his boxers. “I want to feel you inside me.”

Troy pushed his boxers off and grabbed a condom hastily from the nightstand. He hooked your knee over his hip. He pushed into you swiftly, and you both groaned loudly. Troy began thrusting steadily.

“Is this what you wanted? For me to fill you up?” He purred.

You nodded fervently. “Fuck… Yes, Troy.”

“God, I love how tight and hot you are. And you’re so wet for me, baby.”

“Always, only for you, baby.” You whispered.

Troy took your breast in his hand and squeezed firmly. You let out a pleasured cry, feeling your clit start to pulse.

“Oh, Troy…”

“What’s that, baby?” 

“Fuck me harder. Please.” You said.

He picked up the pace and drove into you faster. His skin slapped against yours, his soft grunts filling the room, yours echoing his.

“More!” you cried. “Give it to me, Troy.”

Troy grunted, pulling your ass into his lap, your leg over his shoulder. You yelped a little as the angle changed, and felt Troy hesitate.

“I’m good, Troy, please don’t stop.” You reassured him.

You just wanted to forget how much you were starting to hate yourself.

Troy paused for a second longer, kissing your shin before he fucked you into oblivion. After you had your third climax of the night, Troy pushed himself deep inside you and came, groaning slightly as he filled the condom.

As soon as he slipped out of you, you felt your eyelids starting to droop. You managed to pull your shirt down from around your neck back over your chest before you passed out.

*

Normally when you woke up, you'd let Troy know you were awake. But this time you didn’t.You didn’t open your eyes. You didn’t move. There was an insistent ache between your thighs. There was also pain radiating from your cheekbone. But it felt good. It felt like something you deserved.

You tried not to think about what you had done last night. You tried to forget that you shot Madison and buried her body next to the remains of her dead son, who you had previously stabbed in the eye. You were trying to protect Troy, and you knew there was nothing wrong with self defense. But you were lying if you denied that you had wanted Madison dead for a long time.

Troy was spooning you from behind. You could tell he was awake by the rhythm of his breathing, but you kept yours slow and steady. You felt him kissing the back of your neck, and decided it was time to face reality. 

You stretched out your legs. You could tell that Troy had cleaned you up last night. You smiled at that.

“Morning.” Troy murmured into your hair.

“Hey.” You said softly. You entwined your fingers with his. “Thanks for taking care of me last night.”

“You were out cold before I even got back from the washroom.” He mused.

“Can you blame me?”

Troy chuckled. “Guess not. I was pretty beat, too.”

You turned onto your back and glanced over at him. “Troy, I need to apologize to you.”

You saw confusion in his blue eyes. “About what?”

“I feel like I… used you. I wanted to forget what we’d done and so I used your body to do that. And that’s pretty shitty of me, Troy.” You said flatly. “So, I’m sorry.”

Troy blinked. “I didn’t feel like you were using me. Or my body, or whatever.” Troy squeezed your hand. “I love giving you pleasure, Clara. And when you ask for it like that, it’s really fucking hot.”

You felt your cheeks heat a little. “Are you sure? I have never done that before, and I feel bad.” You said sheepishly.

Troy shook his head. “Don’t feel bad, baby. I don’t mind. Like I said, nothing gives me a rush like you. If it made you feel better, if it made you forget, then I'm glad.” He kissed your cheek. 

“I love you.” You said after gazing into his eyes.

“I love you too.”


	14. Us Against the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the late update... finals happened and then I've been having some health issues but here we go!  
> Also, trigger warning, there is a section of this chapter that some may find upsetting, so I'm sorry about that. This is an issue that I believe would be prominent in an apocalyptic world, so I wanted to touch on that.  
> Please drop me a review, I love hearing from you :)  
> xo

You and Troy rolled out of bed eventually to take a bath. You opted to not take a pain killer for your cheekbone, believing that your pain was meant to be a reminder. A reminder that you were different, and you weren’t so sure that it was a good thing.

Troy didn’t take anything for his leg, even though it had swollen up quite a bit. Your own cheek was swollen, and you had a bit of a black eye as well. You wished you had some ice to help bring down the swelling.

Troy caught you staring at yourself in the mirror as you waited for him to fill the tub.

“I’m so ugly.” You pouted.

“No you’re not.” Troy said firmly. “You think I was ugly when my eye was all fucked up?” 

“Of course not.” You said. “You could never be ugly.” You finished softly.

“Neither could you.” He took your chin in his hand, tilting your face up to his so he could plant his lips on yours. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Troy said when he pulled away.

You didn’t know what to say, but a smile tugged at your lips. You put your hand on his chest, over his heart. “Thanks, baby.”

He kissed you once more, stealing your breath before he pulled off his boxers and got in the tub. You pulled your shirt over your head and climbed in after him. You pressed your back against his chest and pulled one of his arms around you. After a few minutes Troy asked you if he could wash your hair. 

You nodded eagerly and closed your eyes as he massaged your scalp, using the fruit scented shampoo you’d gotten on the run where you ran into Alicia. 

Your mind wandered to Alicia. You hoped she was still alive. You wondered if that hope came from your guilt. You felt bad that you and Troy had taken her family from her, especially since she didn’t even know that they were dead. You were devastated when you lost your family. Even if it was short lived, Troy was devastated when he lost his too.

You were brought back to the present when Troy's fingers gently traced the scar from your bullet wound. 

You turned your face to look at him.

“Beautiful.” He said softly, his eyes on the scar. 

You said nothing, and grabbed the cup from the ledge of the tub so you could rinse out your hair. You quickly put some conditioner in it, and while it sat, you washed Troy's hair.

He regarded you fondly as you worked, and it made your heart flutter in your chest. 

Once you were both all rinsed out, you got out of the tub to dry off and get dressed. 

Troy made you breakfast, and after that you told him that he should probably keep weight off his leg. He agreed reluctantly.

You sat with him on the couch, absently playing with your wet hair. 

“Do you think it will really just be you and me now?” you asked. “Well, you, me, and the dead buried in the yard?”

“Madison and Nick aren't really in the yard. Only Phil. But I mean, this was his home.”

You remembered what Troy told you about the way Phil died. It was horrible. It was then that you began to truly fear Walker. You said nothing back to Troy, waiting for him to answer your question.

“But yeah, I think it’ll just be you and me.”

You nodded. “Alicia didn’t know where the outpost was?”

Troy shook his head. “Only Madison knew.”

Nick had managed to find you, and that made you wonder about Alicia. She was a smart girl, she could probably figure it out if she tried.

“You think Alicia was really done with her?” you asked.

Troy put his hand on your thigh. “I don’t think she’s going to come looking for us. I don’t think she goes looking for trouble.”

You knew he was probably right. “Okay, yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just a little paranoid after having Madison show up.”

Troy squeezed your leg gently. “No need to apologize.”

You merely smiled back in reply and grabbed your book off the coffee table. You noticed that the rug was stained with Madison's blood, and saw the hammer lying there on the floor. 

You sighed. You put your book back on the coffee table and stood up. You pulled the table off the rug.

“What are you doing?” Troy asked.

“Getting rid of this rug.” You said.

“Let me do that.”

“No,” you said quickly, “You need to rest.” 

“No, I don’t.” he said.

“Can you please just do this for me?” you asked. “It would make me feel better.”

Troy raised his hands in surrender and leaned back against the couch. 

“Thank you.” You said.

You rolled the carpet up with the hammer inside it and picked it up and took it out of the house. You didn’t want to keep this in the barn, so you cautiously made your way over to the edge of the cliff. 

When you got there, you did your best to ignore the memory of you dangling off the edge. 

You threw the carpet down and headed back to the house. When you got back you curled up on the couch and rested your head on Troy's thigh.

“Are you okay?” Troy asked.

“I just remembered when I nearly fell to my death.”

Troy rubbed your shoulder. “That was the scariest moment of my life.” 

“Me too.” You said quietly. 

“I would have gone out of my mind if I had lost you. I still would now. Probably even more now.”

You turned your neck, so you could look at him. “You didn’t lose me. You’re not going to lose me.”

Troy's gaze was intense. “I couldn’t stand it.”

You laced your fingers with his. “You won’t have to.”

He brought your joined hands up to his lips, so he could kiss the back of your hand.

*

No matter how much you wanted the world to leave you alone, it didn’t seem as though the world wanted to leave you alone.

Even though you thought it would just be you and Troy, it wasn’t.

Maybe a month or so after you killed Madison, a group of men arrived at the outpost. 

You were sleeping, and you and Troy both woke up to the sound of an engine in the middle of the night. 

You both got out of bed, and Troy put his finger to his lips. You nodded, and quickly slipped on your jeans as he pulled his pants and shirt back on. You slid your feet into your boots and grabbed your gun from the dresser. You slipped your knife in one of your belt loops. Troy grabbed the rifle from under the bed. 

Troy motioned for you to get beside the bedroom door, and he stood opposite to you. You never bothered to close the bedroom door, but the front door to the house always got locked at night.

The engine had turned off, and you heard several deep voices outside. You couldn’t quite make out what they were saying because they were whispering. But you were sure they were planning on how to take out any inhabitants of the outpost.

Your truck was in the barn, concealed from view unless they went in there. Hopefully they would just check the house first and not see all the supplies you and Troy had gathered and stored in the barn.

There was a loud bang at the door, but it didn’t give. There was another one before the door was finally kicked in, letting moonlight flood the hallway.

You watched shadows enter the house, and your heart was beating so hard that you hoped they couldn’t hear it.

You kept your eyes on Troy as you waited for him to tell you what to do. He didn’t end up doing anything until a shadow was right in front of the door. He said nothing, and immediately plunged his knife into the neck of the intruder. 

The intruder made a horrible gurgling sound, and he got a shot off from his gun, but he merely shot the wall beside him. 

The other men began yelling, checking to see which one of them had fired the shot.

“Shit,” Troy said. “Okay, baby, this is probably going to end up as a shoot out. Don’t leave my side.” He said quickly.

“Okay,” you whispered. You were afraid. You didn’t know how many of them there were.

You and Troy waited for another shadow to come into view, and when one appeared, Troy stepped in front of the door and let out a couple of shots. You heard a grunt and a thud.

Then a voice shouted, “They're down the hall here! Shoot them!”

Troy tried to shoot his gun again, but it jammed. “Shit!” he said, retreating behind the wall so he could try to fix his gun.

Blood was rushing through your ears. You peeked around the door and saw someone slowly leaving the living room and coming your way. You quickly aimed your gun and shot at him a couple times. You didn’t hit him though, and there were some shots fired at the door where you had just been leaning.

When it stopped, you peeked out again and didn’t see anyone. You waited until you saw something, you pulled your trigger 3 times.

You weren’t sure if you’d even hit anyone. 

“Finally,” Troy muttered, and you heard a click from his gun. “Alright boys, this doesn’t seem to be going well for you.”

“Why don’t you come out here and show us your face?” someone yelled back.

“I'd like to ask you the same thing.” Troy retorted.

You heard a laugh that made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You just wanted this to be fucking over. 

You peaked back around the door and saw someone leaning against the wall. You aimed more carefully this time and pulled the trigger. It appeared that you shot him in the stomach, and he slid down the wall to the ground. 

You hid back behind the door, but not before you saw two more approaching.

“I saw two more.” You whispered to Troy.

“Okay. I think it’s best if we just stay here. Wait for them to come and make themselves a target.” Troy whispered back.

“Okay.” You were honestly too afraid to leave the bedroom, so you were fine with this plan.

A round of fire came through the door and hit the wall around the door. When it stopped Troy came around and shot his gun. 

Your ears were starting to ring.

Troy pressed his back against the wall again. “I got one.” He said.

You nodded, hoping this would be over soon.

But the next time Troy went to shoot, you heard a bullet whiz by and he fell to the ground. 

“Troy!” you cried. He didn’t say anything. You saw blood on the floor beside him. Was it coming from his neck? “Troy, can you hear me?”

Your ears were still ringing, blood rushing through them, making you feel deaf. You held back a sob as you stared down at Troy's still body.

You wanted to refuse to believe he was dead, but he wasn’t responding, and you couldn’t tell if he was breathing.

You didn’t know what to do. Your whole body was trembling. You peered past the doorpost, aimed your gun and pulled the trigger. This time, nothing happened. 

You were out of bullets. You hid behind the door, staring at your gun. 

“Uh oh, looks like somebody's out of ammo!” The man down the hall called.

When you went to grab Troy's gun, someone shot the ground at your feet. You retreated to your side of the door.

You knew the man would come for you, so you dropped your gun and grabbed your knife. You readied it in your hand, waiting for him to approach. You watched his shadow come closer. 

At what you thought was the right time, you lunged from behind the door and went to drive your knife into his chest, but he hit your hand with his gun and the blade fell to the ground. 

You tried to punch him, but he caught your hand. He was much stronger than you. His grip on your wrist hurt. You let out a yelp and he laughed.

“Aren't you just the cutest thing?” he said.

“Let me go!” you shouted, struggling to free yourself.

He didn’t, and he smacked you across the face, leaving your skin with a sharp sting.

The man pushed you backward until you reached the bed. He shoved you on to the bed and roughly fell on top of you. You had one arm braced against his neck, trying to keep his face away from you, and used your other to try to keep his hands off you and out from under your shirt.

One of his hands squeezed your breast roughly.

“Get off me!” you yelled.

“Shut up, bitch. You killed my crew so now I’m gonna have my way with you.”

You squirmed, trying to free your legs but he was lying on top of them, and he was heavy. 

He placed his mouth over yours, but you kept your lips sealed shut. Suddenly, he pinched his fingers over your nose, and when you had to gasp for air, he thrust his tongue between your lips. 

Not knowing what else to do, you bit down hard on his tongue. The man grunted, the iron taste of blood filled your mouth, and he pulled away. 

You spat his blood out of your mouth and into his face. 

“The hell?” he said, sounding funny with his injured tongue. “Did you really just fuckin’ bite me?” He wiped his face. “You should have told me you liked it rough.”

Then he hit you in the head with his elbow. It didn’t knock you out, but when you opened your eyes, everything was blurry. Your head was spinning. Your arms were starting to get tired.

“No!” you said weakly, trying to push his hands away when they snaked down to the waistband of your jeans. 

He brought his face down to your neck and said, “You don’t get to say no.” Then he bit down on your neck, hard. You yelped in pain and tears sprung from your eyes.

You tried to push his head away, but he only bit down harder, causing you to cry out sharply from the pain. 

Suddenly you heard a grunt from inside the room, but it wasn’t the bastard above you. As he busied himself with trying to undo your pants, you watched Troy's body stand up. He was unsteady on his feet.

Your body started shaking, and tears poured freely down your cheeks. “No, no!” you gasped quietly. 

The love of your life had turned. Your heart was broken. You couldn’t save his life, and you couldn’t prevent him from turning. 

It walked over to the bed and its hands grabbed at the man on top of you.

“What the-?” the man said and yelled when he looked back to see what was going on.

He was tackled by the thing in Troy’s body and it wrestled him to the ground. You scrambled up to the back of the bed, listening to the man’s screams with a pounding heart.

When the screams stopped, your heart dropped, as the monster stood up and looked at you.

You covered your mouth with your hand as it approached the bed, but you couldn’t control your sobbing. 

When it reached out for you, you did nothing. When it touched your arm, you slapped its hand away. It tried again, and suddenly you pounced off the bed, forcing it to the ground where you sat on its ribs.

“ _Ow_.” 

You sucked in a breath, and you became still. The moonlight hit his face, and you saw Troy's beautiful, clear blue eyes staring up at you.

“Oh my God!” you sobbed. You situated yourself over his lap and pulled him up, so he was sitting. 

You wrapped your arms around him and buried your face in his neck. You sobbed into him. “I thought you were dead, I thought you had turned!” You managed to get out between the sobs that wracked your body.

“I’m okay.” He said, holding you tight.

When your body stopped shaking, you pulled back and shoved him in the chest.

“What was that for?!” he asked.

“Why didn’t you say anything?! I thought you were turned!”

“I’m sorry. My head kinda hurts. Didn’t think to.” 

“Yeah, I thought they got you.” You looked at his head. The left side was sticky with blood. “I guess the bullet grazed your head. Thank God you’re okay, I thought you got shot in the neck.”

He didn’t say anything. 

You took his face in your hands and kissed him fiercely. His hands squeezed your waist gently as he reciprocated your passionate kiss.

When you pulled away, you put one hand over his heart. “I love you, Troy.”

He kissed you again. “I love you too. Are you okay? That fucking creep – I came to when I heard you screaming. Did he hurt you?”

You looked down and remembered his teeth against your neck. “I’m okay because you are.” You said quietly.

“Clara, look at me.” 

You raised your face to his, and he sighed sadly when he saw the tears glistening in your eyes. He gently wiped the ones that had dripped down your cheeks. 

“You can tell me what happened.”

You shook your head slightly, lowering your face again. “He hit me a couple times. He… touched me, and…” you wiped more tears from your eyes. “He bit me.” You ended quietly, silent tears streamed down your cheeks. 

Troy put his hand beneath your chin to look at your face. His expression was hard, but his voice was soft. “Come here.”

You fell into him and buried your face in his shoulder. He rubbed your back soothingly, one hand cradling your head.

Your tears spilt forth quietly, and you let Troy go when your eyes were dry.

“Will you let me see?” he asked, stroking your hair.

You shook your head. “I want to clean up your head first. And we have to take care of the dead.”

“But after? Will you let me take care of you?” He pressed gently.

You stared at him silently but nodded.

“Okay.” He kissed you sweetly before he steadied you as you got off his lap.

You picked up your knife from where it fell in the door way, and you stared at the body of the man who attacked you. You drove your knife into his temple, but from the amount of blood there was beside his head, it appeared as though his injuries may have already killed his brain.

You and Troy went about killing the brains of the intruders, and you helped each other carry the bodies out of the house. You merely left them in a pile a couple yards away from the house before you went back inside to take care of your wounds.

Troy sat on the edge of the tub and you wet a towel. The wound from the bullet was a little over two inches long on the left side of his head, just above his ear. It wasn’t too deep. You cleaned the blood that had seeped from the wound, gently wiping his ear and neck, also trying to get it out of his hair. You used sterile wipes from your first aid kit to clean it and then pressed some gauze to it.

“Put your hand here,” you said. He put his hand over yours, and you let his head go so you could wrap a bandage around it. When you secured it, you looked at him. “Is that too tight?”

“It’s fine. Thanks, baby.” He rubbed his hand over your hip. “Will you let me take a look at you?”

You avoided his eyes, but you nodded. 

“Where did he… bite you?” Troy asked.

“My neck.” You murmured.

He stood up and positioned himself in front of you, your back against the vanity, away from the mirror.

Troy carefully gathered your hair in his hand and put it behind your shoulders. He gently raised your face with two fingers under your chin. You didn’t meet his eyes, and he tilted your head to the side, so he could better see your neck.

He let out a sigh when he saw it. “Does it hurt?”

You shrugged, but you knew he could tell that it did.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

You didn’t say anything back.

“It doesn’t look like he drew blood but let me clean it. It’s already starting to bruise.”

Troy poured some of your vodka on some gauze and gently pressed it onto your neck. You gasped in pain, jerking your head back, and he moved his hand away quickly.

“I’m sorry. I’ll try not to press as hard.” He said cautiously.

You still didn’t say anything to him. You grabbed the bottle of vodka and took a deep swig from it. Troy looked at you wearily but said nothing.

It still hurt when Troy began to clean it again, but he was really gentle. You snuck a couple glances up at his soft eyes, and the care in them made you feel a little better.

When he was done, you took another drink. His face was grim, but you ignored it and turned around to look in the mirror. Your head was starting to feel fuzzy from the vodka.

The bite mark was ugly, you could see his individual teeth in your skin. A dark bruise was beginning to form.

“Do you want me to cover it?” Troy asked.

You met his eyes in the mirror. “I don’t think we should waste bandages.”

“It wouldn’t be a waste.” Troy said.

You took another drink. “You just don’t wanna see it.” You said. Troy took the bottle from you.

“How do you get drunk so fast?” he asked with a furrowed brow.

“I'm barely drunk. I’m small.” You shrugged, turning around. “I don’t wanna see it either, baby. I only like seeing marks from _your_ mouth on me.”

“You’ll let me bandage it?” Troy asked skeptically.

You nodded. “Mm hmm.” You sat down on the vanity and tilted your head, so Troy could tape a piece of gauze over the bite mark. 

When he finished you put your hand on his chest to push him back a little, allowing you to jump off the counter. You walked haphazardly into the bedroom and stopped when you saw all the blood on the floor.

“We can clean it up tomorrow.” Troy said from behind you. “Right now, we should go back to sleep.”

“I don’t wanna sleep.”

“You should rest.”

You shook your head. “I don’t wanna sleep in _here_.” You clarified.

“We're safe now, I’ll always keep you safe.” Troy said.

You turned to look at him. “You almost didn’t tonight. I got hurt.”

His eyes flashed dangerously at your accusation. “You took out _one_ , and I took out the rest. Sorry I couldn’t get the last one before I nearly got shot in the face. Sorry I was out for a couple minutes before I could kill him before he touched you, Clara.”

You felt bad, wished the drink hadn’t made your tongue so loose. “Troy, I’m sorry.” You said, stepping toward him.

“I try really fucking hard to protect you, Clara. I’m sorry I’m not invincible.” Troy said stonily. 

“Baby, I’m sorry.” You pouted, stepping right up to him. “I didn’t mean it. You take real good care of me. I’d be so dead without you.” You wrapped your arms around him and propped your chin against his chest, so you could gaze up at him. It felt good to rest your dizzy head against him, even if he wouldn’t look at you. 

“You take such good care of me, let me take care of you.” You said, hands reaching for his fly. 

When you had it loose Troy protested. “Clara, stop. You’re drunk, I don’t want it to be like this.”

You pouted. Troy took your hands in his.

“I’m not letting you go down on me because you’re drunk and think that’ll make me feel better.” 

“Well, what _would_ make you feel better?”

“If you'd get that cute ass in bed and let me hold you for the rest of the night.” Troy said affectionately.

You couldn’t believe how much you loved him.

You let his hands go and walked to your side of the bed, took off your shoes and jeans, and slid under the covers. Troy slid in beside you and you pressed yourself against him, head on his shoulder.

“You think I have a cute ass?” you asked.

Troy chuckled, his arm wrapping around you, so he could rub his hand over your butt. “I do.”

“You have a cute ass, too.” You said miserably.

“Why do you sound so sad?” Troy sounded amused.

“Because I love you!” You said in an accusatory tone. “Because I'm drunk and you just wanna take care of me and I love you.” You pressed your face into his neck.

“I love you too, baby. I’m sorry you had to go through all this.”

“I thought I lost you and that was the scariest part. I just want to forget about it.”

After a beat, you said. “Troy, I really am sorry.” You kissed his neck. “I owe you my life, every day since you saved me in that building and brought me to the ranch.” 

“You’ve saved me, too.” Troy said.

“Not nearly as much.” You said.

“You saved me in a different way.” He said softly.

You kissed his neck

“Now would you please go to sleep?” he asked.

You nuzzled his neck. “I'll try.”

But you didn’t need to try too hard. With Troy’s hands gently running over your skin, it was easy to fall asleep.


	15. Falling Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> I tried to delve more into what's going in Clara's head in this chapter.  
> Enjoy!  
> Let me know how I'm doing!!  
> xo

You woke before Troy and squirmed out from his embrace to use the washroom, your bladder on the verge of bursting.

You washed your hands and as you turned off the faucet, you stared at yourself in the mirror. There were circles under your eyes. The gauze taped to your neck caught your eye, and the pain from the man's teeth flickered through your veins.

You looked away from the mirror and left the washroom. Troy was still sleeping. You didn’t want to get back in bed. You slipped your boots on, so you wouldn’t step on any of the debris that covered the floor from last night’s shoot out. 

You took a big step over the pool of blood at the foot of the bed and carefully walked over the chips of wood and dry wall as to not wake up Troy. You poured some water into a mug and went into the living room.

It was pretty much untouched unlike the hallway, which was covered in bullet holes. You took a sip of water and stared out the window. The intruders had come in a black SUV. You saw the pile of their bodies where you had left them, and your stomach turned. 

You wished things could have been different, but they likely would have killed you or stolen all your stuff, or both if you hadn’t killed them first. Or kept you around for their pleasure. The thought made you shudder, and you supposed you were glad that they were all dead.

You decided to get breakfast ready. That was just some granola, and you threw a handful of dried fruit into each bowl. You turned on the stove to heat the kettle, so you could make some coffee for Troy.

You got lost in thought, and when the kettle started to whistle, you flinched. You took it off the burner and turned the heat off. You spooned some instant coffee into a mug and added the hot water to it, stirring it until all the coffee grounds had dissolved.

You took the mug in one hand and used your other arm to carry the bowls of granola into the bedroom. You stepped over the blood again and went to Troy's side of the bed. You put the mug down on the nightstand and then went to your side of the bed. 

Troy stirred when you sat down on the bed. He rubbed a hand over his eyes with a sleepy sigh.

“Morning, handsome. I brought you some breakfast.” You said softly.

Troy didn't sit up. “Thanks.” He checked his watch. “Can you still call it breakfast if it’s after noon?”

You shrugged. You watched Troy pinch the bridge of his nose. You tilted your head. “How's your head?”

“Hurts a little.” 

“I’m sorry, baby. Do you want a pain killer?”

He shook his head and sat up. “No, I’ll be fine.” He took a big gulp of coffee, then set the mug back on the nightstand.

You held his bowl out for him, and he took it. 

“Thanks for the coffee.” He sounded exhausted.

“You’re welcome. Can I check your bandage when we're done eating?” You said carefully.

He nodded and started to eat. You looked at him for another moment before you began eating too.

You ate in silence, and when you were done, Troy began sipping his coffee. You took his bowl and left your dishes in the sink.

When you came back to the bedroom, you crawled into Troy's lap. You took his mug from him, downing the last sips of coffee before putting it on the nightstand. 

“Can I check your bandage?” you asked.

Troy nodded.

You carefully unwrapped the bandage from around his head and pulled away the gauze pressed against the wound. The blood had dried, and it looked like it was starting to heal. You secured the bandage back in place.

“Looks good.” You said.

“Thanks. How's your neck?”

You looked away from him. “It's a little tender.” You said honestly.

Troy rubbed your back. “Sorry, baby.”

“It's fine.” 

“I guess we should get dressed and start cleaning up.”

You flicked your eyes back to his. “I guess so.”

You got off his lap and put on the jeans you had on last night. You tied up your boots.

You stared at the blood on the floor, and when Troy saw you, he sighed. 

“I was thinking that we'd start with the bodies.” He said.

“I don’t care where we start.” You murmured absently, eyes still on the puddle. Then you snapped out of it and walked to the front door. 

The door was damaged from being kicked in, but it was still on it’s hinges and was still able to close. You opened it and you decided to investigate the SUV. The keys were still in the ignition. There was a machete in the cup holder. A revolver in the glove box with one bullet inside it. Before you could search any more, Troy came out of the house so you got out.

“Are we tossing them all over the edge?” You asked.

“I think burning them all might attract unwanted attention.” Troy said.

“I agree.” You nodded.

“I don’t wanna bury any of them either. So, over the cliff it is.”

“Okay.” You sighed. “Didn’t Phil have a wagon or something? It's going to take a long time to bring them all over.”

Troy shook his head. “There's nothing like that in the barn. Anyway, the ground's not even enough for wheels.”

You sighed. “I guess you’re right.”

Then you thought of something. “Is there rope in the barn?”

“Yeah, why?”

“My dad was a firefighter.” You frowned a little, thinking of him. You missed him so much. He was the first one in your family to die, and he got bit making sure the rest of your family got to safety. You had to leave him behind, and it broke your heart. “He showed me a way they dragged bodies out of buildings. If we do that, we won’t really have to touch them.” You looked away. “Because I don’t want to touch them.”

“Alright, I’ll go get some.”

Troy came back with two bundles of rope. He tossed one to you. You kicked one of the bodies out of the pile and showed Troy how to do it. You demonstrated the drag, the rope making it easier to drag the body and not strain yourself.

He looked impressed. “That’s pretty good, baby.”

“Thanks.” You couldn’t stop the proud grin that formed on your lips.

You and Troy dragged all the bodies to the edge of the cliff. You kicked the last body over, the body of the man who attacked you. You watched his body fall and hit the ground, limbs contorted unnaturally when it landed.

You flinched when Troy called your name.

“What?” You turned to him.

“Ready to head back?”

You didn’t reply but started walking back to the house. You wiped at the sweat that had gathered on your forehead.

When you were back inside, you went back to staring at the puddle of blood.

“How are we going to clean this up?” You asked dully.

“I’ll take care of it. Can you sweep up the hallway? There's a straw broom in the barn.”

“Okay.”

You went into the barn and grabbed the broom. You got busy sweeping up the drywall and bullet casings while Troy cleaned the bedroom. You collected the guns that were left behind and put them in the closet. You swept everything into a bucket and merely left it all in the barn.

You decided to check out the rest of the SUV. You climbed into the back seat. There wasn’t much there, other than some half empty bottles of water. You got out to check out the trunk.

There was a shotgun, a jerry can full of gasoline, and a small cooler. The cooler had a few cans of beans and a jar of apricots. There was also a bottle of whiskey, brand new. You left the bottle in the trunk but took the food inside the house to put it in the pantry.

Troy was still at work, but you didn’t feel like helping him. 

You didn’t want to do anything.

You missed your family. 

You just wanted to forget everything.

You went back out to the SUV and opened the trunk to get the whiskey. You shut the trunk and got into the passenger seat. You kept the door open and pushed the seat back all the way. You kicked your feet up on the dash and broke the seal. You unscrewed the lid and flicked it off. It landed on the dash.

You brought the bottle to your lips and took a deep swig. You clenched your teeth at the burn against your throat. You’d gotten skinnier since the start of the apocalypse. You could already feel the alcohol buzzing in your head, but then again, you'd always been a lightweight. 

You wondered for a moment why you had the urge to drink. But you knew the answer. You were getting tired of this life. You were frustrated with how easy it seemed for you to do what was necessary to survive. Because for any decent person, this would have wrecked them.

Not just the killing. But with being so forgiving with Troy for the things he had done without a second thought.

You knew he was different now, but still. Troy didn’t scare you as much as he did others. And that suggested to you that you had the same darkness inside you as Troy.

You took another drink, the burn just as bad, but you chased it with another sip.

To sum it all up, all your feelings and thoughts, you were confused. You just didn’t understand yourself anymore. You felt like you didn’t know who you were.

This was all brought up by the events of last night. You pulled the visor down and slid the panel to reveal the mirror. You pulled away the gauze Troy had taped on your neck. You stared at the ugly, bruised mark on your neck.

You were so scared last night. You weren’t sure if you would ever get over that fear.

You raised the bottle to your mouth and drank as if you were thirsty.

Troy found you about a half hour later, the bottle cradled against your chest. He stood a few yards away from you.

“What are you doing?” he asked sternly, his arms crossed over his chest.

You raised the bottle to your lips and tipped it back, as if that were to answer his question. You wiped your mouth after you swallowed. “I'm drunk.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Troy said angrily.

You pouted at him but didn’t say anything else.

“Clara, what the fuck.” He said plainly.

“What the fuck.” You repeated tiredly, turning your gaze back out the windshield.

“Why'd you take off the bandage?”

“Because it’s there. Even if we cover it up, it’s still there.” You slurred. You looked back at him and tapped your temple. “Everything that has ever happened, it's all still in here.”

“Talk to me.” He said, and you heard a desperate edge in his voice.

You shook your head, rewarded with a wave of dizziness.

He sighed angrily. “I hate that you drink.”

Your eyebrows drew together. “Why?”

“Because it reminds me of my father.” His eyes flashed.

You looked at him, shocked. You pulled your feet off the dash and left the bottle there. “I don’t drink nearly as much as Jeremiah did.” You defended.

“You drink for the same reasons. To forget about your problems.”

You snorted. “I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

“You can't just forget about them, Clara. You have to deal with them.”

You got out of the SUV, hands gripping the frame to steady yourself. “Deal with them like you do?” You tilted your head. “So, killing anyone I've got an issue with.”

Troy's face was hard. “Do you think,” he stepped closer to you, “that there was any other way? Do you think Nick wouldn’t have shot you in your pretty head if I didn’t slit his throat?” He kept advancing towards you. “Do you think Madison wouldn’t have smashed in my skull if I didn’t crush her throat?”

Now he was right up to you, and you had your back pressed against the hot metal of the vehicle. He placed his hand gently on the back of your neck, his thumb on your jaw to keep your face tilted up to his. “Do you think any of the men who've come here wouldn’t have raped you if I didn’t kill them before they got the chance?”

You said nothing, and Troy flexed his fingers against your skin. “Answer me, Clara.”

Your throat felt dry. “I just… don’t understand why I’m so okay with everything you do.”

“It's okay because they were bad people. Do you hear me?”

“But what about _us_?!”

“What _about_ us?”

You stared into his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes. Looking up into them, it made you feel even dizzier. “Are we bad people?”

Troy didn’t speak for a moment. He took his hand away from your neck and cupped your cheek. “No. No, you’re not a bad person.”

You put your hand over his, pressing your cheek into his hand. “Well, what about you?” 

“I think you’ve figured that out.” He said. He sounded sad. He let go of you.

You tried to catch his hand, and he pulled away at first but let you grab onto him when you kept trying. You shook your head.

“I haven’t figured it out. I haven’t.” You squeezed his hand. “That's why I’m out here drinking. Because I don’t understand anything anymore.”

You stepped up to him and pressed your body against his. “The only thing I understand is that I love you.”

Troy looked at you as if he didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry that when I drink it brings up bad memories for you. I didn’t know that, didn’t think about it that way. I was so scared last night. I don’t think that fear is ever going to leave me, and I tried drinking to forget but I can still feel that bastard lying on top of me and his teeth on my neck.”

Tears sprung in your eyes, and Troy ran his thumb over your cheek after one trailed down your skin. “I feel like I’m a different person, and that scares me too. I really think you’ve gotten better, Troy. But I think I’ve gotten worse.” You let out a sob at that.

“Come here.” Troy put his hand on the back of your head, pulling it so you’d rest it on his chest. Your hands clung to his back, twisting in his shirt as you felt your legs start to wobble. You weren’t sure if it was from the alcohol or your despair. Perhaps it was both.

But Troy’s arms were strong around you. You couldn’t help but sob a little harder when he took you up into his arms. You pressed your face into his neck.

He carried you into the house and sat down on the couch. He let you sob against him, quietly stroking your back and hair. When your tears were dry, you pulled back and wiped at your cheeks.

You frowned at him. “I’m sorry. I got your shirt all wet.”

“Never mind that. I thought you were a happy drunk? I much prefer when you can’t stop giggling.” He said gently, wiping a stray tear.

You shrugged and looked away.

Troy lightly squeezed your waist. “It's okay, Clara. There’s no need to be embarrassed.”

“I just feel so… stupid.” You pressed the heel of your hand into your forehead. “I’m so fucking tired.”

“Want to go sleep it off? I think you drank half the bottle.”

You groaned. “At the time, it seemed like a good idea.”

Troy chuckled darkly. “I didn’t know I'd need to monitor your drinking.”

“Normally I get a little buzzed and then I stop myself. But for some reason, I just kept going. And going and going-”

Troy stopped you. “I’m taking you to bed.”

“Are you trying to bed me?” you asked with a mock gasp.

Troy gave you an unimpressed look, and you giggled.

“Ah, there’s my girl.” He said with a soft grin.

You grinned back. “I’m your girl.” You said happily. You ran your fingers through his hair, avoiding where the bandage wrapped around his head.

“Yes, you are. Will you go to bed now?”

You leaned into him and shook your head. You glanced down at his lips. “I'm sorry you got hurt trying to protect me.”

“I’ll always protect you.” He said. “No matter what.”

You flicked your eyes back to his. Your eyelids were starting to feel heavier. “My hero. I wish I could be better for you.”

“There’s no way you could get any better than you already are.” Troy said. He wrapped his arms around you and stood up. You slumped against him.

He took you into the bedroom and lay you on the bed. He pulled your boots off.

You sighed contently. “You’re sexy when you’re all taking care of me.”

Troy chuckled. “Oh, yeah?”

You bit your lip, tugging at your shirt. “Can you help undress me?” you asked sleepily.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” Troy smirked.

“Is it working?” Your eyes were starting to drift shut.

“You're cute, you drunk mess.” Was all he said, but he unbuttoned your jeans and slid them off your legs. “Can I ask you something?”

Your eyes were already closed. “Mm hmm.”

“I can’t tell you not to drink. But can I ask that you not drink that much again?”

You opened your eyes and looked at him. You nodded. “Do you still love me?” you asked.

He leaned over you to kiss you on the forehead. “I do love you.”

You took hold of his face before he could pull away. “I love _you_.” You smacked a kiss onto his cheek before you let your heavy head fall back onto the pillow.

*

When you woke up several hours later, you had a pounding headache. There was a faint burning in your stomach. The bed was empty beside you. You ran your hand through your hair and went to the washroom to relieve your full bladder. It was bright outside, and you wondered what time it was.

You found Troy in the living room. 

“Did you sleep on the couch?” you asked, trying not to pout.

“Yeah.” Troy said.

You stepped in front of him and straddled his lap. “I’m sorry.”

Troy shrugged. “It’s fine, I wanted you to get a good sleep.” He put his hands on your waist.

“I mean about everything. I’m sorry for getting shitfaced in the afternoon and causing trouble. I’m sorry you had to take care of me. I’m embarrassed, Troy. I _was_ a drunk mess. You had to put up with, what, three different personalities?” You shook your head, then ran your hand through your hair. “I’m sorry for what I did and said yesterday.” You ended sheepishly.

Troy sighed. “It’s what drinking does to you. As long as you don’t drink that much again, then you’re forgiven.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear.

“Really?”

He nodded.

“I promise, I won’t ever be drinking like that again.” You said, leaning into him, and resting your head against his shoulder.

“Hung over?” He asked, running a hand up and down your back.

“Yeah.” You moaned sheepishly. 

“Want me to bring you some water?”

“No, I feel bad. I don’t want you to have to look after me. Plus, I’m really comfortable right now.” You nuzzled your face against him. “And I should be taking care of you. You almost got shot in the head!”

“If you don’t drink something, your head is going to get even worse.” Troy stated. “Anyway, I’m fine.”

You sighed and pulled away. “Fine.” You pouted.

You saw Troy’s eyes flick down to the bruise on your neck, and you couldn’t help but feel self conscious about it.

“I don’t mind taking care of you.” He said affectionately.

You didn’t say anything, instead gave him a quick peck on the lips before you got off his lap.

He came back with a cup of water and you took a couple grateful sips. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Want me to make you some food?”

“Only if you need to eat, too.”

He nodded and went back to the kitchen. You drained the rest of your water before you went into the kitchen.

It looked like Troy was just finishing whatever he was doing. You sauntered over to him and ran a hand over his shoulders as you walked past him. You couldn’t deny that you really _did_ find it sexy when he was taking care of you.

You put your glass in the sink.

“You’re already done? You must have been really thirsty.” Troy observed.

Oh, he had no idea.

You stretched your arms over your head, your shirt riding up and exposing your stomach. You watched triumphantly as Troy’s eyes roved over you. You were still only in your shirt and panties. You stopped stretching and took your bowl off the counter.

“Granola?” You asked. “Real original there, baby.”

He rolled his eyes at you, but there was a smirk tugging at his lips. You went back to the living room and sat down on the chair opposite to the couch. You brought one of your knees up to your chest and subtly spread your other leg, so your knee was against the arm.

Troy sat on the couch and put his feet on the table. You watched the subtle bob of his throat when he noticed the way you were sitting. 

Your stomach was still churning from the alcohol, so you ended up watching Troy eat instead. When he finished, he set his bowl on the table.

You were up and over the table and on his lap in a second. You took his surprised face in your hands and pressed your lips against his. You started to unbutton his shirt.

“Mmm,” Troy murmured between kisses, “what are you doing?”

“Trying to bed my sexy boyfriend.” You murmured back. You swiveled your hips over his.

Troy cradled the back of your head. “It’s working.” He mumbled against your lips.

His free hand gripped your ass and he picked you up. You clutched his shoulders and ran your lips over his jaw as he carried you back into the bedroom. He gently lay you on the bed and caught himself before he kissed your neck.

He seemed hesitant to continue, eyes on the bruise, even when you tugged on the hair at the back of his neck.

“Is this another ploy to try to get yourself to forget?” He asked abruptly, his eyes narrowed.

Your lips parted at his accusation. “No! No, Troy, it’s not.”

He regarded you warily. “You said you’d done it before. And you seem to be a repeat offender.”

Sure, you’d twice gotten so drunk you lost your filter. And you already confessed that you practically begged Troy to fuck you after you buried Madison in the yard to forget about it all. But you had apologized for that and told him that you felt bad about it.

This wasn’t the same thing. 

“Yeah, I have. And I told you how shitty I felt about it, Troy.” You pushed at his chest, so he’d get off you. You sat up and ran your hands through your hair. You turned to look at him.

“I wouldn’t ever use your body like that again. I figured you would have fucking gathered that when I brought it up and apologized the morning after.” You said, maybe a little too harshly.

Troy sighed heavily.

You looked away from him and pressed the heel of your hand into your forehead for a moment before you dropped it onto your lap. “I hate that you think I’d do that.” You said sadly.

“Clara, I’m-”

“Don’t apologize.” You said numbly. You supposed he wasn’t wrong in thinking that way after what happened yesterday.

He put his hand on your back. “Baby…”

“Um, no, it’s fine.” You said almost absently, standing up. His hand fell to the bed. “I think I’m gonna take a shower. That always helped my hangovers.”

Troy looked at you dejectedly. “Okay.”

You went into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind you. You stripped and stepped into the tub. You turned on the water and stood under it for a long time. You just stood there and let your thoughts consume you.


	16. Never Let Me Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!!!  
> Get ready for some feels!  
> I've got both smut and fluff in this chapter, and as always, I hope you enjoy it. :)  
> (Also, wow what a quick update)  
> xo

You stayed in the shower until your skin was red before you finally got out. You dried yourself off and tied a towel around yourself. You glared at the bruise on your neck. It still really hurt. You sighed and unlocked the bathroom door, but you hesitated before you actually opened it.

Troy was still sitting on the bed where you left him. You paused before you entered the bedroom to get some clothes. You grabbed leggings and a loose grey shirt, some fresh panties, and a bra. You piled it all in your arms and turned to go back to the washroom to change.

“Don’t hide from me.” Troy said from behind you. He sounded tired.

You turned around. “I’m not,” you said defensively. 

“You are.” Troy said.

You rolled your eyes at him. “I’m just going to change.” You went into the bathroom and the door shut behind you heavily. You just wanted a little space from him. You got dressed slowly and ran your hand through your wet hair one final time before you opened the door. 

It looked like Troy had been pacing back and forth. He turned to look at you from the other side of the room. “I need you to talk to me.” He implored.

You felt like you had nothing to say.

“Clara, please.” 

“I don’t know what to say to you.” You said honestly.

He strode over to you, hands reaching to cup your face before he leaned down to kiss you. You stopped him before he was a few inches from your face.

“Troy…” You said brokenly.

“I love you, Clara. I’m sorry.” He said softly, gazing down at you.

“I love you, too.” You lowered your face. “But I-”

Troy shook his head. “I’m sorry that I upset you.”

You sighed and eventually shrugged. “You don’t need to apologize. I don’t think you were wrong in thinking that maybe I was trying to use you.” You said blankly. You looked back up at his face. “But I need you to know that I wasn’t trying to do that.”

“I know you weren’t.” He said, stroking your cheek.

“I’ll never do that again, Troy. I still feel bad about it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Troy said. “It really is.” 

You were quiet for a moment before you cleared your throat. “I, um, really should eat now.” You said. You stomach was feeling better and you realized how hungry you were.

“Okay.” Troy said, letting you go slowly.

You walked back into the living room to grab the bowl of granola you had abandoned earlier. You sat on the couch and crossed your legs beneath you. 

You ate silently, and Troy left you alone for a little bit, which you were grateful for. You weren’t upset with him, but your feelings were still a little raw.

When you were finished your granola, you cleaned the dishes that had piled up in the sink. After they were done, you noticed the door to the hallway closet was open. 

You found Troy sitting on the floor of the bedroom, all the guns from the intruders, as well as your own, sprawled out in front of him. It looked like he was just beginning to clean them.

“There's one more in the glove box of their car.” You said.

Troy looked up at you. “Okay. I’ll grab it later.”

“I can just get it for you now.” You said.

“Okay,” he said after a moment.

You turned on your heel and headed outside to grab the revolver. You opened the passenger door. Inside it still smelled faintly of whiskey, however, the bottle was nowhere in sight. Troy must have taken it, and you didn’t blame him. 

You popped open the glove box and grabbed the gun. You closed everything up and headed back inside. You handed Troy the gun and sat on the edge of the bed. He seemed almost at peace, working with the guns. 

You started to absently braid a piece of your hair as you quietly sat, eyes in a straight stare out the window.

“What are you thinking about?” Troy asked after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

You glanced over at him. “Nothing.” You murmured. 

He gave you a look. “I know something's still bothering you.”

You dropped your hands on your lap. “I nearly lost you, Troy.” You whispered in despair. “I didn’t tell you before, how much it destroyed me when I thought you were dead.”

Troy stopped what he was doing and moved so he was kneeling in front of you. He put his hands on your knees. “But you didn't lose me. I'm okay.”

“I know. But I just remember how hollow I felt. I didn’t know what to do when I saw you lying so still on the floor. And then I thought you had turned.” You cupped his face in your hand. You remembered the way your body trembled that night. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my entire life.” A tear fell down your cheek.

Troy held your wrist and pressed a kiss to your palm. “It's okay, baby. I’m right here and we're both okay. You don’t need to be afraid.”

You nodded and wiped at your eyes. 

He entwined your fingers with his and pressed his lips against the back of your hand. His eyes reflected the sadness in yours. “C’mere.” He said gently.

You slid off the bed and settled yourself on his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck and held him tight. Troy rubbed the small of your back soothingly.

“I love you.” Troy said. You merely held onto him tighter.

Neither of you said anything for a long time. Troy kissed your hair and you finally pulled back.

“Is everything okay now?” he asked with gentle eyes.

You nodded and stroked his cheek. “Thanks. I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Okay.” Troy kissed you softly and you got off his lap.

You wanted to busy yourself, so you decided to take inventory of your supplies. You grabbed a pad of paper and a pen from the desk in the corner of the living room. You pulled all the food out of the cupboards in the kitchen and sorted them, so you could categorize them on your sheet.

When you finished writing everything down, you put the food back, trying to put items with the furthest expiry date closer to the back.

You then went out to the barn to check the inventory there. That took you a while, and you hadn’t even sorted through everything before the sun hung low in the sky. You gave up for the day and went back into the house.

You left the paper and pen on the desk and felt your stomach grumble. You were starving.

Troy was already in the kitchen, warming up some canned beans. “There you are.” He said. “Hungry?”

“Yes.” You said. You took some plates and forks out and set the table. You waited patiently for Troy to finish. He spooned some beans onto your plate and the rest onto his.

“Thanks.” You said, picking up your fork. You took a grateful bite and Troy sat down.

“What were you doing?” He asked before he started to eat.

“I was just taking inventory of our food. I didn’t quite get through everything in the barn, though. I’ll just finish that tomorrow.

Troy nodded, before he offered, “I can help you if you want.”

You shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. It’s not extremely hard work. I mainly just wanted something to do. I needed to do something.”

Troy eyed you, and you couldn’t quite read the expression on his face. You tried not to think too much of it.

“How'd it go with the guns?” you asked.

“They’re all in good condition. I cleaned and checked them all. We shouldn’t have another jam like the other night again.”

You nodded, pushing your beans around on your plate.

“But hopefully, we won’t be needing to use them.” Troy added.

You gave him a small smile. “I really hope not.”

The rest of dinner was eaten in silence.

You picked up Troy's plate when you were both finished and rinsed them clean. 

You grabbed the empty can and went outside to add it to the collection of cans you and Troy had in hopes to collect any rain water, despite the drought. 

Troy had opened the lid so that there was only a small piece of metal connecting it to the rest of the can. You tried to just pull it off, but the metal was still wet from being rinsed and your fingers slipped. You ended up cutting your thumb on the ragged edge of the lid.

“Shit!” You swore, blood immediately seeping out of your wound. You quickly entered the house and ran your thumb under the tap in the kitchen. You hissed as the water ran into the cut.

“What happened?” Troy asked, standing from his chair, and coming over to your side.

“I cut my thumb. Can you get the first aid kit, please?” You pinched your thumb around the edges of the wound to stop the bleeding.

“Yeah.” He went into the bedroom and came back with your first aid kit. He had you sit down at the table and he examined your thumb. “I don’t think you need stitches.”

“That's a relief.” You sighed. You’d passed out from the pain of getting stitches in your shoulder after Nick shot you, and it wasn’t something you wanted to experience again.

Troy wrapped a bandage around your thumb. “It needs to be tight, how's that?”

“It's good.” You said, looking at the bandage. The entire tip of your thumb was covered in the white cloth.

He secured the bandage with some tape. “There you go.” He said with an affectionate smile.

“Thank you.” You said meekly.

“You’re welcome.” Troy started packing up the first aid kit. “Let me check on it later because I’ll probably need to change the bandage.”

You bit your lip and gazed at him. “You know… I really do think you’re sexy when you take care of me.”

“Do you?” Troy asked, his eyes flicking to yours as he zipped up the little red bag.

“Mm hmm.” You trailed your fingers up his forearm. “And you’ve been taking really good care of me.”

He took your hand and kissed the back of it. “I like taking care of you.” His lips tickled your skin.

“You’re so good at it.” You murmured. “That's why I wanted you so badly earlier.”

“What about now?” He asked, his voice low.

You let his question hang in the air for a moment before you said, “I want you.”

Troy stood, pulling you up along with him. He gently dragged you over to him and delicately cupped your face before he kissed you. It was gentle at first, his lips softly moving against yours. When you started running your hands over his body, the kiss intensified.

You wrapped your arms around Troy’s neck when he tapped your thighs and you jumped so you could wrap your legs around his waist. He squeezed your ass as he walked you to the bedroom, eliciting a groan from you.

He lay you on the bed and you curled your fingers in his hair, careful not to disturb the bandage wrapped around his head. He kept his forearms on the bed on either side of your head. You slid your hands down his neck and tugged at the collar of his shirt. He let you pull it over his head and you tossed it off to the side. 

Troy grabbed the hem of your shirt, and he sat up on his knees to pull it off. You sat up too and reached for his fly. “I want to go down on you.” You whispered. “Since you wouldn’t let me before.”

“You were drunk. I don’t think it would have turned out as enjoyable as you thought.” Troy teased, tugging on your bra strap.

“I’m not drunk anymore.” You said, pushing your hand past his boxers. He was already semi-hard, and he let out a little groan when you stroked him. You pulled your hand away and pushed at Troy, so he’d sit on the edge of the bed. You waited for him to take off his pants and boxers, kneeling before him on the floor. You ran your hands up his thighs, eyes on his growing erection, mouth watering for him.

You started by pumping him gently in your hand until you felt him grow stiffer against your palm. When he felt your tongue teasing the slit, Troy groaned. When you closed your lips around the tip, he had one hand curled in your hair as he leaned back on the other, the sheet wrapped in his fist.

“Fuck,” Troy exhaled, as you started bobbing your head. You kept one hand around the base, moving it in tandem with your mouth. You trailed your other hand over his thigh and across his lower abs. You dragged your tongue over the vein that pulsed on the underside of his shaft. You paused to catch your breath a little, placing open mouthed kisses across the length. 

“Damn, baby.” Troy panted. “Your mouth feels so good, I don’t think I’ll last much longer.”

You tongued the slit again before you spoke. You pumped him slowly in your hand. “I guess this turned out to be pretty enjoyable, huh?”

He tried to roll his eyes at you, but when you took him back in your mouth, they ended up rolling back into his head. You wanted him to finish in your mouth, so you hollowed out your cheeks. His hand tightened in your hair, causing a pulse of pleasure between your thighs, before he pushed himself deeper. You felt his cum spurting down your throat, heard a string of curses leave his mouth.

You waited for him to finish, and then you pulled back, wiping at your mouth as you swallowed. You tilted your head back and Troy’s grip loosened on your hair. His chest was rising and falling quickly. He was still semi-hard.

“You’re amazing.” He panted, stroking your hair.

You bit your lip, trying to stifle your grin as you stood up. “I like making you feel good.”

Troy’s hands reached out and he grabbed the waistband of your leggings. You thought he was just going to pull them off, but he gave them a tug and caused you to fall on top off him. You gasped as he rolled on top of you, and he laughed.

“What are you doing?!” You asked. His grin brought a grin on your own lips.

“I want to undress you.” He said simply.

“Well, get to work!” You said.

Troy placed kisses down your chest and stomach until he reached your waistband. He pulled your panties down with your leggings and hovered over you to take off your bra. He leaned on his elbow beside you, his body in contact with the left side of yours. Then he traced a finger over one of your nipples before he trailed it down your stomach. 

His fingers slipped between your thighs and you bent your right knee and spread your leg out to allow him access to your core. You bit your lip as he caressed your folds.

He kissed your cheek and moved his lips to your ear. “Did you get wet from going down on me?” He teased your entrance, but never pushed his fingers fully inside you.

Your hips bucked for him. “I did. And you know that I love your hands in my hair.” You almost whined.

Troy bit your earlobe gently and finally slid his index finger inside you. He rubbed your walls for a moment, feeling how they clenched around his finger before he pulled it out and pushed it back in.

He added his middle finger and began thrusting his fingers inside you, building a rhythm. Your hips moved in tandem with his hand, your left hand clenched around his bicep and your right fisted the sheet.

His lips were on yours again, tongue moving teasingly in your mouth as he worked you with his fingers. You knew he was just trying to warm you up until he was hard again, but you felt like you could come. 

When he pressed his thumb against your clit and he massaged that spot inside you with his fingers, you _knew_ that you would come.

Troy hummed, and his lips broke away from yours. “Your walls are already squeezing me, baby. Are you going to come?” he whispered huskily.

“Fuck… Yes, Troy.” You managed. “Ugh- please!”

He didn’t say anything and kept rubbing you. You screwed eyes shut and your back bowed off the bed as you came with a high-pitched moan.

Your body fell back to the bed and you gasped a little when he pulled his fingers out of you. He sucked his fingers into his mouth, and your tongue wet your bottom lip, thighs clenching together. 

Troy released his fingers. “Mm, you taste so good.” He murmured. “I love watching you come.”

You groaned at his words.

“I need to be inside you, baby. Would you like that?” 

You nodded eagerly. “Yes, Troy.”

Troy grabbed a condom and rolled it down his shaft. He rolled on top of you and your hands found his shoulder blades as he reconnected your lips. You cradled his hips between your thighs as you waited for him to push into you.

You sighed softly against his lips when he did, entering you slowly. He echoed your sigh when he was fully sheathed inside you. 

Unlike the last couple of times you'd had sex, Troy went slow. He was so gentle. He took the time to press kisses over your cheeks and jaw, tongue tasting the skin behind your ear. You trailed your hands over his back as he pushed into you repeatedly, hand curling in his hair when he began to whisper in your ear.

“Mm. As much as I love fucking you senseless, I love how much I can feel your walls squeezing me when we make love.”

“Oh, Troy.” You moaned. There was something different about when you made love. There was significantly less cursing. But more importantly, you felt so many more things emotionally.

“You’re so warm, baby. You feel so good around me.” He kissed your ear. “You’re so beautiful. I could stay inside you forever.”

You whined when he hit a sweet spot. “I'd let you.” You murmured.

“Good to know, because I never want to let you go.” You let out another pathetic whine, hands smoothing over his shoulders. “I’m so in love with you, Clara.”

“I love you, too.” You cupped his face, so you could kiss his lips. “Troy, I love you with all my heart.”

He kissed you heatedly, tongue prodding your lips. You opened your mouth and touched your tongue to his. A fresh wave of pleasure flooded between your legs.

You pulled away, panting from the intensity of the kiss. “Oh! Troy…”

“Yes?” He’d gone back to kissing your jaw.

“I’m almost there. Are you? I want us to come together, baby.”

He groaned, “I need to go faster.”

“Please- Oh!” you cried when he increased the pace of his thrusts.

He stopped kissing you as he focused on his rhythm, so you leaned up to kiss his neck. You touched your tongue to his damp skin with each kiss, tasting the sweat that glistened there.

“Mm, I love feeling you inside me, Troy.” You said, trying to bring on his orgasm. “You stretch me out so good, baby. So good.”

He only let out a moan from the back of his throat in response.

You began to roll your hips up to meet him half way. “I wanna come, baby. I’m so close. Please come with me.” You squeezed your walls around him. “Come with me, Troy.”

“God, Clara.” Troy sighed, his hips meeting yours erratically a few times. He pressed his fingers against your clit, and your hips shot up as you started to come. You cried out in pleasure. Your walls milked Troy's orgasm, his forehead dropping down to yours as he groaned deep in his chest.

When you came down from the high, Troy kissed you languidly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You replied. 

He gave you another kiss before he pulled out to get rid of the condom.

You threw yourself at him when he returned, kneeling on the edge of the bed to wrap your arms around him. You clung to him as if he were a lifeline.

“What are you doing? Let me clean you up.” He had a washcloth in his hand, you could feel it against your back.

You didn’t say anything, just tightened your arms around his neck.

“Clara are you alright?” he asked with soft curiosity.

“Yeah.” You breathed. But you didn't let him go.

He rubbed your back. After a minute, he said, “Baby…”

You pulled back and kissed him sweetly. He noticed how glassy your eyes were, and he look concerned.

“Are you crying? Did I hurt you?” He cupped your cheek, his eyes filled with worry

You shook your head, heart swelling. “You didn’t hurt me.” You put your hand over his. “I just love you so much. I’m so grateful that I have you.” You kissed the smile growing on his lips. “Not just as my lover. You mean so much to me. You’re my person, Troy.”

“You're _my_ person.” Troy replied. “I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone.”

You kissed him again, slowly, deeply. Then you finally let him go. You let him delicately run the washcloth over your folds, and when he was finished, you curled up under the sheet. When Troy climbed in bed, you threw your arm across his chest.

“Why do you always think that you’ve hurt me?” You asked softly.

“I… don’t know.” Troy said. “I don’t consider myself to be a gentle person.”

“Well, you always have been with me. It surprised me at first, how soft you were with me, because I’d never really seen you like that.” You admitted. “But you never need to worry about that, okay?”

He kissed your crown. “Okay.”

You nuzzled Troy’s neck when you felt sleep tugging at you. “You’re perfect for me, just the way you are.” You said.

Troy rubbed a hand over your butt. “So are you. You’re perfect.”

You smiled and kissed his neck before you closed your eyes and waited to fall asleep.

*

You woke up from a nightmare with a jolt. You didn’t realize that you pushed directly on Troy's stomach trying to sit up.

“Are you okay?” he asked behind you, causing you to flinch. His voice was deep from sleep.

You turned and looked at him sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” You said, pushing your hair out of your face.

He ran his hand up your bare back. You were still naked, and you felt goosebumps over your entire body. “Don’t apologize. What happened?”

“I… had a nightmare.” You whispered.

“Your family?”

You shook your head. “Not this time.” Sometimes you'd re-live your family's deaths in your dreams, but that had stopped after you'd slept in the same bed as Troy for a few weeks.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He pressed gently.

You lay back down, tucking your head under his chin. You balled your hands up between your chest and Troy's ribs. “I just dreamed that you had turned.” You didn’t mention that you had dreamed of the man who attacked you actually raping you, before the undead Troy tore his flesh apart in front of you. 

He rubbed your shoulder comfortingly. “It's okay, baby. I’m still me.”

You didn’t say anything back.

“Are you gonna be able to fall back asleep?” He asked.

“I don’t know. Probably not.” You said honestly.

“Okay. Want me to make us some coffee?”

“What? No, you don’t need to stay up, Troy.”

“I don’t mind.” He said.

“You'd really stay up for me?” Your heart swelled.

“I would.”

“You should sleep.” You said.

“Not if you’re not.” He said simply.

Your heart warmed. “No, it’s okay. I’ll be able to sleep with your arms around me.”

You pulled at his arm and turned on your side. Troy spooned your back, tucking you against his chest with his arm around your stomach.

“Are you sure?” He kissed your ear.

“Mm hmm. Just don’t let me go.”

Troy nuzzled the back of your neck. “Never.”


	17. Wherever You Will Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a plot advancement, but mainly smut.  
> Lots of smut...  
> Anyway, I'm actually trying to wrap up this story. I'm thinking of doing a little bit of a prequel story, however, so this won't be my last story with Clara and Troy :)
> 
> ENJOY :)   
> xo

You managed to fall back asleep, but it had taken you a very long time. You thought you could see dawn breaking out the window before your eyes finally drifted shut and your brain turned off. The dream didn’t re-invade your sleep, and you were grateful for that.

When you woke up, you figured you’d only got around four hours of sleep. You could tell that Troy was awake, but he lay quietly behind you. He was still spooning you as promised, but you needed to stretch. You did so and then you turned onto your other side and rested your head on his chest when he shifted to his back.

He ran his hand over your back. “Did you sleep okay?”

“I didn’t fall asleep for a while, but I think I slept okay when I was finally out.” You said. Your voice sounded a little raw from the lack of sleep. 

Troy traced his fingertips over your shoulder blade and down your spine. “That’s good.” He murmured.

Your eyelids felt heavy, so you let them close. “I still feel sleepy, though.”

“Can I ask you something?” Troy asked, and you sensed an urgency in his tone. 

“Sure.” 

He hesitated before he said, “Is this enough for you?”

Your eyes opened at the question, and you lifted your head off his chest. You leaned up on your elbow and stared down at him with a furrowed brow. “What do you mean?” 

“Being here, just the two of us. With nothing to do and the wondering when we’re going to run out of supplies.”

Your lips parted as you tried to think about where all of this was coming from. But you really had no idea. “I love it being just the two of us.” You started, but you couldn't answer the rest of his question without knowing what had brought this on. “Where is this all coming from?”

Troy sat up and leaned his back against the headboard. You sat up too, pulling the sheet around you to cover your exposed chest. “Yesterday you said that you needed something to do, and it got me thinking.”

“Thinking what?” you asked when he didn’t say anything else.

“There’s nothing here for us, is there?” His voice was profound.

“I… don’t think I quite get what you mean.”

“We’re bound to run out of water soon, to be honest I’m surprise we still have it. And when we run out of supplies, we’ll have to go back out. And with all the people who’ve found this place, who knows what might happen if we leave it unprotected for a few days.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the water?” you asked incredulously.

“I don’t know.” Troy sighed. “Because I didn’t really want to leave. Other than the ranch, this is the only place I’d think of as home. A home I made with you.”

You heart swelled, and you really wanted to kiss him, but it didn’t look like he was done talking.

“I like having a house, and a bed I can share with you. And I don’t know where we’d go. Here, we barely have to deal with the Infected. There might be nothing better for us out there.” Troy said.

You were quiet. It was a bit of a dull life at the outpost, but it was worth it because it was a life with Troy. You also liked sharing a bed with him. But what he said about the water and leaving the outpost unprotected to get supplies were clearly issues. And you’d never really thought of that.

“I get what you’re saying.” You finally said. “But Troy, _you_ are enough for me.”

You could see some doubt in his blue eyes. You cupped his face and kissed him sweetly. When you pulled away, you said, “I’ll go wherever you will go.” 

He put his hand on the back of your neck and brought your face to his, so he could kiss you again. His free hand pulled away the sheet wrapped around your body, so he could grasp your hip and bring you onto his lap.

He sighed when your breasts pressed against his chest. You let him control the kiss. His tongue swept against yours, and one of his hands squeezed your ass. The other curled in your hair, where he tugged gently so you would crane your neck, allowing him to press wet open-mouthed kisses down your throat. 

He stayed clear of your bruise, and you moaned gently when he sucked at your pulse point. He never grazed you with his teeth, even though he used to love doing that. You had loved it, too. Another thing that had been ruined…

"Troy," you said, and he pulled back to look at you. "You can use your teeth, you know."

His eyes flickered over your bruise.

"I'm not going to break, baby. I like having your mouth on me."

Troy kissed you in reply, and after a moment he trailed his lips back down to your pulse point. He gently grazed his teeth over it, and you let out an encouraging moan. He sucked at the skin and rolled it lightly between his teeth before he moved his kisses lower down.

Before things could get too carried away, you pulled away. Troy tried to kiss you again, but you leaned your head back.

“Troy,” you murmured, “we need to talk about what you said.”

He sighed. “You're right. I know you're right,” he squeezed your ass again, and you gasped, “but there's a sexy woman in front of me whom I wish to take care of.” He dragged his hand to your front and slipped his fingers between your thighs. He leisurely stroked your folds, spreading the wetness that had started to leak from your entrance.

You bit your lip, trying not to buck your hips. “Troy, you started this conversation.” 

“I did. And I’m ending it for now.” He said firmly.

“But-”

“No buts.” 

And with that, Troy pushed his fingers inside you. You let out a cry, head tilting back, your hands gripping his shoulders to steady yourself after the intrusion.

He thrust his fingers into you, and your tried to stay still, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. After a while, he pressed the heel of his hand against your clit, and the pressure made your hips buck against his hand.

“Acting like you didn’t want this, but now you’re trying to ride my hand?” He asked with a smirk.

You inhaled deeply and stopped thrusting your hips. You grabbed his wrist and pulled his fingers out of you. “You said you wanted to take care of me, so you’ve got to do all the work.”

Troy accepted the challenge, pinning you down onto the mattress. He teased your breasts with his tongue before he kissed down your stomach. He pushed your thighs further apart and buried his face between them.

“Oh!” you cried, as his tongue swept over your folds.

Troy began fluttering his tongue against your clit. He pushed his fingers back into you and you curled your hands in his hair as the pleasure started building up. 

You tried to keep your moans to a minimum, but Troy knew how to rub you just the right way. When your thighs started to shake, you thought you felt Troy smile against you. You let out a long moan when you came, your eyes screwed shut. He didn’t stop until you came a second time.

Troy swiped his tongue over your folds one last time, and you gasped at the sensitivity. You released his curls and pressed your hands against your flushed cheeks.

Troy settled his cheek on your hip bone. “Good?”

“Mm hmm.” You sighed. You stretched your arms above your head. 

"Want some more?" He asked cheekily, moving his face back to your core.

"No! Get out of there!" You said, pushing at his head with a laugh.

Troy grinned and rested his head on your stomach.

You combed his hair with your fingers. “Oh, you made me sleepy.”

“Then go to sleep.” He said simply.

“But I can’t…” you said, despite your eyes drifting shut.

You felt Troy move you back to your side of the bed, and he tucked the sheet around you. 

“You can. You didn’t sleep well, baby. So, it’s okay.”

“You know, I haven’t forgotten that we have an unfinished conversation.” You said, turning on your stomach and hugging the pillow.

“We’ll talk after you sleep. I promise.”

“Okay.” 

Troy kissed your head and you passed out.

* 

Troy wasn't in the bedroom when you woke up. You noticed that he had picked up all your clothes and laid them out on the end of the bed. You slipped your panties and bra on. You went over to the dresser and grabbed one of Troy’s flannels. You felt a little groggy from your nap and didn’t bother putting your pants on. You slipped on some socks before you went into the kitchen.

Troy was sitting at the table in the kitchen, and you set the kettle on the stove to make yourself some coffee.

“How was your nap?” he asked.

“Good.” You said. You saw the way his eyes roved over you.

“I’ll never get tired of seeing you in my clothes.” He said. “But why aren’t you wearing pants?”

“Hey, you were playing dirty, so I had to level the playing field.”

“Playing dirty?” He asked innocently.

You crossed your arms over your chest and quirked your brow. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

“If I’m not mistaken, you found my moves rather pleasurable.” Troy said smugly.

You felt your cheeks heat, so you turned to check on the water. You didn’t indulge him with a response. You spooned some instant coffee into a mug and dropped in a sugar cube. Unlike Troy, you couldn’t drink your coffee black. You poured some water into the mug and gave it a stir. 

You took your coffee to the table and sat down with Troy. You noticed that he had your inventory sheet in front of him.

You nodded your head at it after you took a sip of your coffee. “I still have some boxes to go through.”

“Alright.”

“So… about that promise?”

Troy sighed. “Okay. So, I guess the water thing is the biggest issue. We need to have a reliable source of fresh water. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. Like I said, I didn't really want to leave. We’ve made a home here.”

“That’s true. But some terrible things have happened here, too.” You said quietly. “Things that I want to forget but can’t because we’re here.”

Troy nodded. “I know. I just thought that we’d be secure here, but obviously we aren’t. And there’s nothing for us here. Nothing worth fighting for other than each other.”

His hand was resting on the table and you placed your hand over it. He squeezed your fingers.

“You’d be okay with leaving? Because I never really thought about it before, but I guess I knew we couldn't stay here forever.” You said. “And now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t want to. Too much shit has gone down.”

“I know. I’m okay with leaving, Clara.” He brought your joined hands to his lips. “I’ll go wherever you will go.” He softly repeated your words from before.

Now you squeezed his hand. 

“But you’re ready to go back out there? Back to looking over your shoulder, taking turns on watch at night, sleeping on the ground?” He asked.

You shrugged. “I’m not gonna lie, it’ll probably be a hard adjustment. But I was already doing that before I met you. And now that I have you, I think I’ll be just fine.”

“We might be a little out of practice when it comes to taking care of the dead.”

You averted your eyes. “I don't think that's something you ever forget.”

Troy said nothing.

After a minute, you broke the silence. “So, when are we going to go?”

“We can wait for the water to run out, or we can go whenever you want. But don’t ask me where, because I have no idea.”

“I don't know either. But I’m sure there’s somewhere for us out there.” You said.

"I'm sure you're right." Troy said, but you could sense the doubt in his voice.

"We'll find something." You said, more firmly. "As long as we're together, I don't care where we end up."

"Okay."

"We can leave whenever you want, Troy."

He was quiet for a minute before he spoke. "I think we should stay until we're out of water."

"Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe we should just get some bottles filled for when we're on the road."

“Sure. I think there's some jugs in the barn.”

“Okay.” You smiled at him gently. “I’ll finish up the inventory and you can do the water.”

Troy nodded. 

You brought your mug to your lips and went back to sipping your coffee. 

“But I'm going to need you to put on some pants.”

You smirked. “Why is that?”

Troy gave you a look.

“Tell me.” You demanded gently.

“Because seeing you in just my shirt does things to me." He said lowly.

“What kind of things?” You asked innocently. 

“I don’t think you want to know.” 

“Mm,” you pulled your hand out of his and trailed your fingers up his arm, “I might.”

Troy's tongue wet his bottom lip. “Maybe I’ll tell you later.”

“Okay,” you said, drawing the word out. You took your hand off his arm and wrapped it around the mug with your other hand.

Troy smirked at you and stood up. He pushed some hair off your forehead and leaned down to kiss your crown.

He disappeared, and you finished your coffee in silence. When you were done you put on some jeans but kept Troy's flannel on. You grabbed the inventory sheet and headed out to the barn. 

Troy was in there looking for the water jugs. You went back to where you left off, taking everything out of the box and sorting it before you wrote it on the inventory sheet.

Troy passed you several minutes later, taking the water jugs to the house so he could fill them. 

You continued with what you were doing until you were done, then you stood and stretched your back before you went back to the house to get something to eat.

You saw that Troy had filled up the two jugs and left them in the living room. You grabbed a can of soup and poured it into a pot, so you could warm it up on the stove. 

Troy emerged from the bedroom and leaned against the counter beside you.

“We should siphon the gas out of that SUV.” He said. "Not sure how much gas they have, but I'd rather take the truck. And we could use the gas."

"I would rather take the truck as well." You gave the soup a stir. You loved the old beat up truck. It had been through a lot, and so had you.

"Okay. I'll get on that after dinner."

"Alright." You said. “I finished the inventory.”

“Thanks for doing that.”

“You’re welcome.”

When the soup was ready, you poured it into bowls and took them to the table. While you waited for it to cool, you let your gaze drift to Troy. His hair was getting a little long again, his unruly curls pushed off his forehead. Your hair was so flat, it never held curls no matter how hard you tried. Maybe that's why you loved Troy's hair so much. 

"What are you staring at?" Troy asked suspiciously.

You tried to stop the blush on your cheeks. "You."

He smirked a little. "What for?"

You picked your spoon up and looked down at your soup. "I like looking at you." You said sheepishly. You swallowed a spoonful of the warm broth.

"Oh, yeah?" You could hear the grin in his voice. "Why's that?"

"Because," you raised your eyes back to his, "you're very handsome." You smiled cheekily at him.

He returned your smile. "Why, thank you." He went back to his soup.

"I also want to cut your hair before we leave."

"Ah, I see." Troy smirked. "That's fine. What about yours?"

"I am not letting you cut my hair. I can do it myself. It's way easier than doing yours." It was true, all you did was trim the ends, and if it wasn't all that even you didn't care.

"You know I love your hair. I'd never do anything to ruin it." Troy said.

"Well, if we don't have a pair of scissors, then you'll have to use a knife since I won’t be able to."

"You'd let me cut your hair with a _knife_?"

"If we don't have any scissors, then yeah! I don't want it to get so long that the Infected can grab onto it like a leash."

"I think it's already long enough for that."

You looked down at your dark hair. It was long enough that it reached the bottom of your bra. "Well, maybe that's true. But I like having it wrapped around your hand." You nudged his shin with your foot.

You watched him take a hard swallow of his soup and you tried to hide your smirk by bringing your last spoonful up to your mouth.

He shook his head slightly, clearing his throat. 

“I forgot to do something.” He said in a serious tone.

You furrowed your brow. “What are you talking about?”

“I forgot to tell you about something that had to do with my shirt.”

You bit your lip. You reached for your fly and unzipped it, popping open the button as well. You shimmied out of your jeans and pushed your seat back. You stood and straddled Troy's lap. You gripped the back of the chair and leaned slightly towards his face.

“Does this refresh your memory?” You asked.

Troy settled his hands on your thighs. He hummed. “Maybe.”

You brushed your lips against his but didn’t really kiss him. “Tell me what this does to you.” You murmured, adding a pleading tone to your voice because you knew he'd like that.

Troy leaned into you and pressed his nose behind your ear. He inhaled deeply, and you curled one of your hands in his hair.

"When I see you in just my shirt," he started, "the first thing I feel is... possessive. You're in _my_ shirt, baby. And you're just proving that you're mine." His voice rumbled through his chest to yours. "Aren't you?"

You bit your lip, humming in affirmation. He wrapped your hair around his hand, just the way you liked it.

Troy granted a kiss on your neck. "The next thing that happens is my breath catching in my throat, because you're so _goddamn_ beautiful."

You smiled at that.

He trailed his lips over to your pulse point. "The last thing is my blood rushing straight to my-"

"Troy!" You pulled back, mouth agape.

He chuckled, the laugh reaching his eyes. “What can I say, baby? It turns me on.” 

You tried to conceal your grin, but you couldn't, so you swatted at his chest.

His smile melted you. You wove your hand back into his hair and pulled his face to yours. You finally kissed him properly, and he pulled your body flush to his.

You felt the evidence of his arousal against your thigh. “Hmm, you sure _feel_ turned on.”

“Oh,” Troy sighed, “you have no idea. When I see you in just my shirt, I just want to grab you and bury myself inside you. I’d get you nice and wet first, maybe with my fingers, maybe with my mouth. And then once you started begging for it, I'd fuck you so good, baby.” His eyes burned through yours.

You could already feel yourself starting to get wet. “Yes please.” You sighed. 

Troy said nothing but began unbuttoning the flannel to expose your chest. When all the buttons were open, Troy put one arm around your lower back and stood up, and then he used his other arm to push away the dishes on the table.

Your lips parted slightly as he laid you down on the table. You didn’t realize how exciting you found it, waiting for Troy to pleasure you somewhere other than the bed. 

The open flannel fell to your sides, your bra and panties the only thing covering you from Troy’s lustful gaze. He leaned back over you and kissed you. It was sweet at first, but then you tugged at his hair and he ravaged your mouth.

He yanked your bra cup down, so he could palm your breast and tug at your nipple. You moaned against his mouth, but then he dragged his fingers down your stomach and past the waistband of your panties.

He slowly descended past your mound, skimmed your clit, and traced his fingers up and down through your folds. 

“You sure _feel_ turned on.” He whispered, causing you to whine as he threw your words back at you.

He teased your entrance until you started bucking your hips, trying to get him to push his fingers into you. Your core leaked for him. You knew he probably wanted you to beg for it.

“Troy…” he was starting to make a mess of your panties. “God, please put your fingers in me.” You pleaded.

He pushed his middle and ring fingers inside you, your hips bucking but remaining on the table as his weight held you down. He moved them slowly and moved his head, so he could suck on your nipple. Your eyes shut in pleasure as you felt his tongue rubbing your nipple into a hard tip and his fingers thrusting inside you and periodically massaging your walls.

When he felt your hips starting to thrust, he brought his thumb down on your clit. He rubbed it hard, and you let out as piercing moan.

Suddenly, Troy pulled his fingers out of you, his hand out of your panties. He stood over you and sucked his fingers into his mouth.

You stared up at him in confusion.

“Oh, baby…” Troy said patronizingly. “I said I’d get you wet. I never said I’d let you come.” You frowned, and Troy touched your cheek. “Don’t you remember what I said?”

Your brain was a little foggy, but you did remember. How could you forget?

You pushed yourself into a sitting position. Your panties were soaked, and it was uncomfortable, but you didn’t show it.

You shrugged off the flannel and released the clasp of your bra, letting it fall to the floor. You played with the waistband of your panties. “Please, Troy? You made me so wet, wet for you.” You pulled your panties off and dropped them to the floor. Your heart fluttered, as you were naked in front of him and he was fully dressed. 

You placed a foot on the table to spread yourself open for him. You dragged your fingertips up and down your slit. “See how wet I am? I want to feel you inside me now. Please, Troy, I want you to fuck me so bad. I need you to fill me up. Please take me, baby, I want you inside me.” 

He grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand away from your core. “Aren’t you a good girl?” he murmured. “You know I love it when you beg for me.”

Your tongue wet your bottom lip.

“Wait right here, baby. Don’t move.” And then he left. Your heart beat fast as you waited, the anticipation making more arousal leak from you.

When Troy returned, he was shirtless, and he had a condom in his hand. 

You waited patiently for him to come back to you. He tossed the condom on the table beside you and cupped your face. You straightened your back to meet his lips.

Your hands fumbled at his pants and eventually got them loose. He pushed them down his hips with his boxers. You picked up the condom and opened it, then rolled it down his shaft.

Troy took one of your arms and placed it over his shoulder. He hooked your knee over his elbow and gazed down at you. 

“Are you ready?” He asked.

“Yes.” You breathed, holding onto him.

He pushed into you and you sighed, bracing your other hand against the wood surface as he started thrusting inside you steadily.

“Oh!” You gasped as the pleasure started to build, tightening your grip on his shoulders. 

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, his breath hot against your cheek.

“Mm, I want you to make me come.” You whispered back.

Troy chuckled. “Don't worry baby. I will.”

He picked up the pace, and you grabbed onto the back of his neck. Your arm was starting to burn from holding yourself up, so you tugged on Troy's neck and he lay you back, pressing his weight against you.

“Ugh, fuck. I love you.” He said.

You dug your fingers into his skin. “I love you too.”

When you felt your climax building, you grasped desperately at Troy's back. He sucked one of your nipples in his mouth and didn’t stop until you were coming.

When you stopped shaking, Troy straightened up, holding onto both of your knees as he pounded into you. You stretched your arms above your head and gripped the edge of the table, overwhelmed by the sensation.

Troy tossed his head back and his hips moved erratically before he came with a groan, pressing himself as deep into you as he could.

He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you along with him as he collapsed onto one of the chairs.

Your chests heaved with exhaustion. Troy was somehow still inside you. You didn’t want the condom to break, so you lifted your hips until he slipped out. Then you leaned into him and nuzzled his neck, so you could catch your breath.

His skin was damp, but yours was too. He lazily stroked your back. Your shoulder blades and tailbone were a little sore from the hard wood, but it was totally worth it. Troy gave you an intense orgasm.

Troy kissed your hair, but you didn’t move.

“Did you fall asleep?” He asked softly.

“No.” you sighed. “You just fucked my brains out.”

Troy chuckled. “That's what happens when you saunter around in just my shirt. Are you good though?”

You pulled back to look at Troy's face. “I'm good. And honestly, I didn't know how much it would turn me on to do it on the table.” You finished with a smirk. 

“Me neither, but once I saw you sprawled on top of it, I just had to take you.” Troy drawled.

You leaned in and kissed the grin off his lips. “You’ll never fail to amaze me, Troy Otto.”

He stole another kiss. "I love you."

You rested your head back on his shoulder. "I love you, too."


	18. Everything I Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, you saw it correctly. 18/18. The final chapter! :o  
> I've really enjoyed writing this story, I'm not sure if it's actually good or anything, but thank you for reading, and thank you commenting if you ever did, because I really need that validation and I like to know what you think :)  
> As I have said, I'm actually going to post a prequel to Beautiful Nightmare. A bit of Clara's origin story, and how her and Troy came to be. So keep your eye out for that in the next couple of months! :D  
> Thank you again, and ENJOY! :)  
> xo

You weren’t sure how many days passed before the taps ran dry. You were trying to rinse out the bowls you had used for lunch when nothing came out of the faucet.

“Troy, come here.” You called.

He was by your side after a second. “Yeah?”

You turned the handle and showed him that nothing came out of the tap.

“Damn.” He sucked his teeth. “It’s finally happened.”

You didn’t really know what to say. “Well, I guess we better start packing.”

“Are you sure?” Troy asked carefully.

“Yeah.” You said after a moment. “There’s no point waiting around, we might as well hit the road. If we wait, then there might not be anything left to find, you know?”

“Okay.” Troy said. “We’ll pack up the truck today and head out tomorrow morning. Sound good?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. 

Troy tucked some hair behind your ear and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Everything’s going to be okay," he said, as if he knew that you needed reassuring.

“I know. As long as you’re with me.” You said, taking his hand, and squeezing it.

He brought your hand to his lips. “You’ll always have me.” He replied.

“Then I have everything I need.” You stood on your toes and Troy ducked his head to kiss your lips.

“Want to get started loading up the truck?” He asked when he pulled away.

“Sure.”

You grabbed the inventory sheet before you followed Troy out to the barn. You still probably had enough food for a couple of months. You were sure that you’d find places to search while you looked for your new home.

If that even existed…

You were hopeful that it did. Preferably by yourselves, but sometimes you wondered if Troy’s lack of socializing had actually been worse than him being alone. 

Not being around other people for a long time… you were worried what that might have done to his social skills and if it would make it easy for him to revert to his old self. He was better now, but you hadn’t been around other people for a while. You and Troy were completely independent for months and joining a group could be a hard adjustment. It would be better if it just stayed the two of you for the rest of your lives, but you weren’t sure how likely that would be.

You kept this all in your head as you entered the barn. It wasn't something that you needed to worry about now, and it wasn't anything you wanted to bring to Troy's attention.

Troy had all the boxes open and had started looking through them. He looked up at you from where he crouched when he heard you come in. “Do you think we should just take everything?”

You shrugged. “I guess so. I mean, we brought it all here because we thought we needed it.”

Troy scratched at the stubble on his chin. “That’s true. It all fit before and there’s less of it now, so we'll be fine.”

“Exactly.” You said lightly. “I think we should just go through everything again before we put the boxes in the truck, to check the dates and know what we have.”

“Good idea.” Troy said. 

You sat down beside him and started to go through the boxes, keeping track of everything you had. You chewed on your lip as you looked at the expiration dates.

You didn’t even know what the current date was. You hadn't for a long time. And once all the best before dates passed, there was a higher likelihood that the food would make you sick. It would be best if you could find a place to grow your own crops. Like the ranch. But the ranch was too big for you and Troy to protect by yourselves. 

You knew Troy missed it, you did too. You really hoped that you could find a place that made you both happy once you left the outpost.

"Is that everything in here?" Troy asked, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah. We can load these up and take a look at what we should pack up in the house."

"Yes, ma'am." Troy said with a salute.

You pushed at his shoulder with a grin. 

There were 8 boxes with food, and two boxes of medical supplies. It didn't take long to load it all up.

Troy shut the tailgate and followed you back into the house. You pulled the food from the cupboards and marked it all on your sheet. Troy brought over a crate and put everything in there, leaving out a can for your dinner and a couple granola bars for your breakfast tomorrow.

While he took that to the truck, you took out the guns from the hallway closet. In total, you had three assault rifles, two shotguns, and six handguns. The number of guns didn't matter without any ammo, and you were running a little low. As long as you and Troy didn’t run into a herd, you should be fine.

"God, why do you look so sexy with that?" Troy said from behind you.

You turned around, assault rifle in hand. You shook your head with a grin. "What is it with boys and their toys?"

"It's not the gun, baby. It's _you_ with it."

"Hmm." You said pensively. You held the gun out to him. "Can you take these, please?"

He came forward and took the rifle. 

You went to the bedroom to start packing your clothes. You grabbed your backpack, which you had emptied since living at the outpost. You opened the drawer in the dresser that contained your clothes. You grabbed your jeans, a couple shirts, your sweater, and Troy's jacket. You put in the thin blanket that you had initially brought from the ranch. You grabbed all the underwear, bras, and socks you had and added them to your bag too.

You left your black ball cap on the dresser, wanting to wear that tomorrow when you left. You grabbed a duffel for Troy's clothes. When he came back into the house, you told him that.

"I don't need much." He said, opening his drawer. 

"I know, but if we find a little house or something, wouldn't you want a few different changes of clothes?"

"Yeah, I guess." He started taking out some clothes. "Is that what you want?"

"What?" You asked, turning back around to face him.

"A little house." He clarified.

You shrugged. "Maybe. I've liked living here. But it doesn't matter, baby. I'll go anywhere with you." He didn't say anything, so you ran your hand down his arm and laced your fingers with his. "I'll end up anywhere with you, Troy."

Troy squeezed your hand, his eyes shining with affection. "I love you, you know that?"

"I do.” You smiled. “I love you, too." 

He pulled you to him and brushed his lips against yours before he kissed you sweetly. You brought your free hand up to delicately cup his face. You gave him one more peck before you pulled away.

“So, what do you want to do on our last day here?” You asked.

Troy shrugged. “Anything you want, baby.”

“Can we sit by the fire tonight?”

“You want to sit by a fire? That might be the only way we cook for a long time.”

“I like sitting with you out there. I like leaning against you and listening to how quiet the world is.” You said softly.

He kissed you again. “We can do that.”

You smiled. “Okay.”

You let him go so he could finish packing his clothes. You went to the washroom to pack toothpaste and tampons, and the pregnancy tests caught your eye. You bit your lip and grabbed the boxes. You should probably take them too, just in case. You opened the boxes to reduce the bulk for your bag and stuffed the tests in one of the tampon boxes.

You went back into bedroom and grabbed your first aid kit, adding it to the rest of the stuff in your backpack. You remembered the toilet paper, so you grabbed a couple rolls from the closet and put them in there. 

You went back to the bedroom to give some to Troy to put in his bag. He was holding one of the boxes of condoms when you went back in.

“Being in a car never stopped us.” He said, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You felt your cheeks heat. “We should definitely take those.”

He put them in his bag and took the toilet paper from you. “Do you think we have everything?” 

“Probably.” You figured.

“Okay.”

“This feels weird, doesn’t it?” You blurted after a moment.

“Clara?” Troy asked with a furrowed brow.

“I just mean… we’ve been here for so long. It just feels weird that by tomorrow, we won’t have it anymore. It’s just become so familiar.”

“I know. But the ranch was all I knew for most of my life and I did okay without it. Because I had you. Anything that happens next is going to be okay, too.”

You nodded. After a second, you said, “I know.” 

“And bad things have happened here, too. You said you wanted to move on but couldn’t because of we were still here.”

Your eyes flicked to the scar on his head. It was easier to see since you had cut his hair recently. He took your hand, and you hadn’t realized that you were touching the spot where a bruise had a once coloured your neck.

“You’re right.” You said sheepishly. "I still get nightmares from it."

“That’s okay, baby.” He kissed your hand. “This will be a faint memory soon, I hope. For your sake.”

You could only manage a tight-lipped smile in reply.

The rest of the day passed by, but time felt strange. You couldn’t tell if it had gone by quickly or slowly, but now you and Troy were sitting by the fire and eating your dinner.

You looked thoughtfully down at the spoon in your hand. “We should bring spoons.”

A brief laugh came out of Troy’s mouth. “ _What_?”

“Don’t laugh! When I was out there, eating shit from cans with my hands, I wished I had some cutlery.”

He stared at you. “You’re being serious?” Troy asked incredulously.

“Yes!” You cried defensively.

“Don’t you think we've got enough stuff?”

You rolled your eyes. “A spoon can go in your pocket, Troy.”

“I guess you’re right.” He said. “We'll bring spoons, then.”

“Thank you.” 

Troy shook his head with a grin and you finished up your food. 

When you were done, you cozied up to Troy and rested your head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders. You sat quietly, eyes trained on the fire. You slid your hand under his shirt to rest it on his stomach, just under his ribcage.

After a while, you finally spoke. “I could live here forever.”

“Baby,” Troy said cautiously, “we have to leave.”

“No, no. I meant this moment. Here with you.” You explained. “If I could live here in this moment with you forever, I would.”

“Really?” You could hear the awe in his voice.

You nuzzled his neck before you confirmed, “Really.” 

Troy pulled you tighter against him and rested his cheek against your head.

“Can I ask you something?” Troy asked several minutes later.

“Sure.” You mumbled against his skin.

“What do you say about getting a good last use out of the bed?” His tone sent shivers down your spine.

You grinned. “I'd say... take me there, and then you can… take me.”

Troy grabbed your ass and pulled you onto his lap. He grinned before he brought his lips to yours. You kept your hand under his shirt, grasping at his ribs, and the other wove into his hair. You moved your hips, gently brushing your core over his groin. He gripped your ass tighter and moved your body over his, and you felt him growing stiffer beneath you. 

“Mm,” he patted your butt. “Time to go.”

You teasingly brushed your tongue over his before you got off his lap.

He pushed the logs to help the fire die down. Then he scooped you up bridal style, causing you to gasp. You giggled when pressed kisses all over your face.

He brought you through the front door, and you remembered an old home video.

“Usually people do this when they first move into a house. Not when they’re leaving one.” You said. You didn’t mention that your parents did this right after they had gotten back from their honeymoon.

“I didn’t know that.” Troy said thoughtfully.

You didn’t say anything else until Troy gently lay you on the bed. “You’ll have to grab the condoms from your bag.”

“I’m not quite ready for that yet.” He said before he kissed you. 

You shook your head. “I don’t want anything else right now, I just want you inside me.”

“Are you sure? You know I love having my mouth on you.”

“I know, I love it too. But I only want to come with you inside me tonight. And I want to do it more than once.” You whispered.

“That sounds like something I can do.” He whipped his shirt over his head, and you pulled off yours. Troy searched his bag for the condoms.

You got to work on your boots, and then Troy's hands were pulling your pants from your hips. His were already off, and then he kissed you as he undid the clasp of your bra. 

He took off your panties next and you grabbed a condom from the box he left on the bed as he pulled off his boxers. He took the condom from you and rolled it on. You stopped him as he tried to get you to lie down.

“I want to ride you first.” You murmured.

“Damn, I’ll never get tired of hearing that.” Troy muttered as he leaned back against the headboard. 

You straddled him and wrapped your hand around him, guiding him between your folds. You pushed his head into your entrance and lowered your hips until they met his. You both groaned at the union.

You stayed still for a while, savoring the way he felt at this angle. Troy began to kiss your neck, and he bit down on the skin of your pulse point, hands gripping your ass. You rested your hands on his shoulders and began to raise your hips before dropping them back down. Troy leaned his head back against the wall, hands tightening around your ass.

You periodically switched from bouncing in his lap to grinding your hips back and forth to stimulate your clit against him. Troy would tweak your nipples every now and then, eliciting sharp moans from you. 

He dragged his hand up your damp back and gathered your hair in his hand. He pulled a little and you whined, hips rocking erratically over him.

“Let it go, Clara. Come on, baby.” Troy said.

He used his other hand to rub your clit, and you felt your muscles tightening. He tugged a little harder on your hair, causing your head to tilt back and a moan to escape your lips. He pressed a little harder on your clit, and you snapped.

“Oh fuck!” you cried as you started to come. You rolled your hips over his lazily as you rode out your orgasm. Troy had his mouth on your neck again, sucking bruises into the skin.

When you came down, you raised Troy’s face to yours. You kissed him and let his tongue sweep into your mouth. He squeezed your ass with both hands, forcing your body up and down over his.

“Do you want me to ride you until you come, Troy?” You whispered, starting to bounce in his lap again.

“Yes.” He sighed.

You widened your knees, pressed your feet into the mattress, spreading yourself more open for him. You curled one hand around his throat and gripped the headboard with the other as you rode him, tightening your walls each time that he left your heat.

“Fuck, baby. I love when you ride me like this.” He said in a strained voice.

“I love riding you.” Was all you said, as you focused most of your energy on what your lower body was doing.

You felt him starting to twitch inside you, so you tightened your hand around his neck and sped up your hips.

Troy pulled your body down onto his, and his hips strained up as he came with a groan. You squeezed your walls around him to enhance his orgasm, enraptured by the look on his face.

He kissed you fiercely when he finished, and the kiss ended sweetly. “That was fucking amazing.” He panted.

“I’m glad.” You said with a smile.

He wrapped an arm around your lower back and rolled you so you were lying on your back. He pulled out of you and took the condom off, tying it before dropping it in the waste basket.

Your chest was still heaving from your efforts. Troy pressed kisses over your collar bones and shoulders. “Are you ready for round two?” he asked huskily.

“Are _you_? You’re going to be doing all the work this time, pal.” You poked him in the chest. 

“Is that so?” 

“Please, baby?” You stuck out your bottom lip a little. “I’m tired, but I still want you.”

He kissed you gently, tongue prodding yours. You hooked one of your legs around his waist and felt his growing erection against your clit.

“I could never say no to you.” He whispered, grabbing another condom. He ripped it open with his teeth before he put it on.

You had one arm around his back and the other hooked under his arm, so you could hold onto his shoulder.

He put your knee over his elbow and pushed into you swiftly. You hummed in satisfaction at the full feeling. Troy had his other forearm beside your head, and he nudged your cheek with his thumb.

“Nothing can compare to this.” He said. He hadn’t moved his hips.

“Compare to what?” you asked, opening your eyes to look into his.

“The feeling of being inside you. And how much I love you.”

You cupped his cheek and kissed him softly. “I agree.” You sighed.

He chuckled softly, kissing you again before he started to thrust his hips steadily. 

You let your eyes drift shut, allowing the pleasure to take hold of your body again. Troy brushed his lips over your cheek and ear, murmuring things that made you smile.

“Oh, I love you.” You said blissfully, consumed in pleasure.

“I love you too, baby.”

You rolled your hips up. “Harder.”

Troy did nothing.

“Please, Troy. Harder. Harder, baby. Please.” You pleaded.

Troy kissed the corner of your mouth. “Okay, baby.”

He granted your pleas, and you held tightly onto Troy's back. You let out pleasured moans as Troy drove into you. He pressed his face into the crook of your neck as he fucked you, and you tightened your leg around his waist.

You felt his fingers against your clit, and Troy rubbed furiously until your thighs were shaking. You gasped as you started to come, and Troy bit down on your neck a little. You dug your nails into his skin.

Your hips shot up and you moaned, your walls pulsing around Troy inside you. 

“God, you’re so tight.” He moaned.

“Fuck.” You sighed, in a daze.

Your arms fell back onto the bed, and you grabbed at the pillow beneath your head as Troy kept thrusting. You tried to keep clenching your walls around him, wanting him to come as hard as you did.

When his rhythm stuttered, you grabbed onto the back of his neck. “Come for me, Troy.” You said.

He groaned against your neck, pushing himself in as deep as he could before he filled the condom. His mouth covered yours and he kissed you until you felt his heart beat slow against your chest. 

He rolled off you and wiped a hand over his forehead. You turned on your side and placed your hand on his chest.

“How was that?” He panted.

You traced your fingers over his skin. “Amazing.” You said happily.

He took your hand and kissed it. “Good.” He rested your joined hands on his stomach. “Was that a good final use of the bed?”

You giggled. “It will be once I get a good… nine-hour sleep.”

Troy turned his head, so he could look at you. “Nine hours?”

“Give or take.” You said slyly.

He grinned. “Does that mean you're not up for round three?”

A laugh escaped you. “Round three?”

“Yeah, maybe after a little break, though?” He said pensively.

“If you can keep me from passing out, then I think I can handle you one more time.” You said.

Troy gazed at you, his blue eyes bright in the dark room. “I think I can do that.” He rolled on top of you, tangling you in the sheet and kissing the grin off your lips. 

*

When you woke, the only thing that existed was bliss. Troy was behind you, softly pressing kisses over your shoulders and back. The sheets felt warm and comfortable against your naked skin, as did Troy's skin. The sun had already risen and cast a warm glow throughout the room.

You pressed your face into the pillow and stretched your legs against Troy's. You let out a deep sigh, savoring this moment. 

“Morning.” Troy murmured into your skin.

“Mmm.” You mumbled into the pillow.

“Sleep okay?” 

“Mmm hm.” You turned over, so you could look at him. “I had an amazing sleep.”

“I'd like you to know that you got nine hours.”

You grinned. “Really?”

“Yes.” Troy mirrored your grin.

“That’s amazing.” You cupped his cheek. “Last night was amazing, Troy.”

“Yeah, it was.” He said with a tender smile. “It really was.”

You traced his lips with the tip of your index finger. Troy’s eyes were soft as he regarded you. You moved your hand and swept your fingertips across his cheekbone, then brushed your knuckles down his jaw.

“You’re... breathtaking.” You said, almost absently.

Troy grinned. “Breathtaking?”

You tried to stop your blush, because you meant it. “Yes.”

“That's funny, I could say the same thing about you.” He said affectionately.

You couldn’t stop your blush now. 

“I hate to do it,” Troy began reluctantly, “but we've got to get out of bed. We need as much light as we can get if we’re leaving today.”

You held back a sigh, because you knew he was right. “Alright.”

Before you got out of bed, you hugged the pillow to your chest. “Goodbye, bed!”

Troy laughed and shook his head.

*

You secured your ball cap on your head and left the house for the final time. Troy was leaning against truck, which was fully loaded, waiting for you.

“Got everything?” He asked.

You leaned your back against his chest, and he propped his chin against your head. He clasped his hands over your stomach, and you covered his hands with yours. “I think so.” 

The two of you looked at the little house and the barn for a couple moments, taking it all in for the last time.

You turned around and tilted your head back to look at him over the bill of your hat.

He traced his finger down your nose. “Are you ready?” 

You gazed into his eyes for a moment before you answered. “I am.”

“Alright.” He jerked his head to the truck. “Let’s go.”

You let go of him and walked over to your side of the truck. You scooted over to Troy before he started the engine. You took his face in your hands and he turned to look at you. 

“I love you.” You said tenderly. 

“I love you, too.” He said, his smile melting your heart.

You kissed him deeply and tapped his chin with your thumb before you let him go.

Troy turned the key in the ignition, and then put the truck in drive. 

You watched the outpost get farther away in the side mirror, reflecting on the beautiful nightmare that was your life there. You thought of almost falling to your death and the massive horde of the dead. You thought of Nick and Madison, and all the men that had hurt and threatened you. You thought of Troy telling you he loved you and him taking care of you when you were injured. You thought of all the times you'd made love and woken up in each other’s arms.

When the outpost disappeared from view, you threw your feet up on the dash and grabbed Troy's hand. He gave yours a squeeze, and you felt as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

You were starting fresh, and you were excited. You knew it didn’t matter where you ended up. You weren’t worried about it like you had been yesterday. As long as you had Troy, then nothing else mattered. 

As long as you had each other, you had everything you needed.


End file.
